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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU about the blasted car?

116 replies

CrazyOldCatLady · 24/04/2014 09:49

Our car is out of action for the last two weeks; it's in the garage waiting for a new part to be delivered.

My parents have very kindly lent us one of their cars for the duration, because we travel 70km each way to work and public transport isn't an option (it would be a bus, then a train, then a tram, then a half hour walk, so probably a total of 3 hours each way and there's no way we'd do it within creche opening hours!). They're using their second car.

I can't drive my parents' car because I'm not insured - I'm on a provisional licence. Plus roughly half of our commute is on motorway, and I can't do that on a provisional. So DH is doing all the driving.

The car is a small engined automatic. Our own is a manual diesel with a bigger engine and generally a lot more power. DH detests my parents' car, he finds it unresponsive and it changes gear at ridiculous times (changing up a gear halfway up a steep hill, for example!) or doesn't change when it should (accelerating on the straight, it'll stay in a low gear till the engine is racing before it changes up). I know he's right, I'd find it annoying to drive too.

The problem is that DH emphatically refuses to adjust his driving to suit the car's limitations. He floors the accelerator despite knowing that it'll just make the engine unhappy. It can't keep up with him at all. He admitted last week that he knows he's mistreating it, that he shouldn't be trying to push it when he knows well that it won't perform the way he wants it to. But he keeps doing it. He gets angry and forces the revs up into the red - the same shade of red as his face while he's doing it.

We've had the same argument over and over for the last two weeks. My dad specifically asked me to mind the car as it's old and they need it. But DH insists on driving it badly, and when I pull him up on it he says it's the car's fault for being useless. I think he's being horribly ungrateful to my parents; they lent us the car in good faith, thinking we'd take good care of it, and he isn't. I feel he's forcing my to lie to my parents and I don't like it. Also he said he wouldn't treat a car belonging to his parents that way, but it's different because it's my parents. When I asked him why, he said 'my parents would never own an automatic' - which is a total cop out of an answer, and just comes back to blaming the car!

I'm utterly confused by all this. I'm so used to thinking of DH as a fundamentally nice person but at the moment he's coming across as a selfish, entitled git and I just don't like him.

OP posts:
Pantah630 · 24/04/2014 15:55

Mechanical sympathy passed you by then bigdog

bigdog888 · 24/04/2014 15:56

She has already said it is an old car. And obviously her dad cares about it

Well just a guess here but without an actual age I'd guess it to be less than 15 years old. I've pushed engines older than that continuously to and past their limits for 100s of thousands of miles without any premature wear or issues - I mean I've tried my hardest to kill them but every one had been sold running as sweet as a nut and pulling hard.

LadyVetinari · 24/04/2014 15:59

bigdog888- it's an old car, and it's an auto so problems with the transmission are a much bigger deal than with a manual.

You hand any problems you create by driving badly straight back to the hire company when your rental period is up - the OP's DH is handing them straight back to his (old, probably not well off) in-laws, who have lent him the car as a kindness rather than a business opportunity.

It's also not the DH's decision to make. When you borrow things, you do so on the understanding that you will treat them as well as (or better than) the owner would. You certainly don't mistreat them and then punish them for malfunctioning as a result.

bigdog888 · 24/04/2014 15:59

Mechanical sympathy passed you by thenbigdog

Not exactly but I expect to use the full power output and rev range whenever I drive a car unless I'm in a particularly fragile classic.

bigdog888 · 24/04/2014 16:02

You hand any problems you create by driving badly straight back to the hire company when your rental period is up

Yes but I treat my own cars even harder. Always carefully warmed up and cooled down and perfectly maintained but driven like I stole them.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 24/04/2014 16:04

It sounds as if you are very fortunate.

How many fifteen year old cars have you driven through their lifetime, then? You must be ever so old to have a statistically meaningful sample!

bigdog888 · 24/04/2014 16:11

I run multiple cars at once to be honest and generally mix with like minded people/clubs so have access to lots of people with lots of hard driven cars. With the exception of certain known issues with certain cars you'll find it pretty unusual to suffer a failure of a well maintained, hard driven car due to abuse.

OneStepCloser · 24/04/2014 16:11

What's your point bigdogg? Apart from driving your car as though you've stolen it, which is erm rather knobby are you saying it's absolutely fine to drive as an angry aggressive driver? What, even to Waitrose?

worldgonecrazy · 24/04/2014 16:13

OP - you have bigger problems in your life than a knackered car. He shouts at you, usually when no one else can hear it. He abuses something that has been lent to you by your parents and admits that he would not treat his own parents that way.

His contempt for you and your family is astounding. His contempt for other people through dangerous driving is disgusting.

Does he have any redeeming features at all?

worldgonecrazy · 24/04/2014 16:13

Please don't feed them!

Pantah630 · 24/04/2014 16:17

It definitely did, you don't push anything constantly to the rev limiter if you have even an ounce bigdog. Thankful I never loan my bikes or cars to you. All things mechanical, even old ones, appreciate being driven hard occassionally you've stated you constantly do. DH would snap if someone drove any of our vehicles that way, crikey he gets antsy if I rev our diesel fiesta near 4thou and with good reason

OP you need to address your husbands lack of courtesy to his inlaws but you knew that before posting. Good luck.

HauntedNoddyCar · 24/04/2014 16:18

The key issue here is respect.
Respect for your parents' car and by extension, them.
Respect for you.
And he's showing none. That's irrespective of whether the car or his inadequacies as a driver are to blame.
Take the keys and post them back to your parents then book 2 days off work while he figures out how to manage without your parents' generosity.

SocialNeedier · 24/04/2014 16:18

bigdog no one cares about your cars or driving habits. And stop saying you 'drive it like you stole it'; you sound like a spotty teenager who smells of Lynx and owns a Nova.

What you really mean is that you drive aggressively and therefore dangerously. Which makes you a bit of a dick.

Just like OP's DH.

OP I'd give the car back to your Ps. If DH hates it so much, he doesn't have to drive it.

And he's awful for saying he'd respect it more if it were his parents' car. He might as well tell you he doesn't respect your parents or their feelings. What a knob.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 24/04/2014 16:20

I'm wondering if bigdog is the OP's husband.

Same assumption it's nothing to do with poor driving, it's perfectly normal to drive like an idiot ... same inability to see the OP is actually angry about the attitude to herself and her father ... hmm.

Oldraver · 24/04/2014 16:36

I wonder if people who drive around 'ragging' and 'driving like they stole it' realise there is always a chorus of 'KNOB' when they are doing their noisy boy racer act. That should be kept for the track...just drive normally FFS.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 24/04/2014 16:45

Should anyone be "driving a car like they stole it"?

This thread has reminded me that the garage where we have our cars serviced/MOT'd/repaired etc. have a few courtesy cars - one of which is an automatic. They will let someone who usually drives an automatic borrow a manual but NEVER vice-versa. Precisely because driving an automatic like a lunatic/wrongly trashes the gearbox.

HauntedNoddyCar · 24/04/2014 16:49

I'm wondering what's gone wrong with the op's car that needs a part that's two weeks on order. I reckon the DH has trashed that too!

Peekingduck · 24/04/2014 17:34

Bigdog, I'm sitting next to a Pistonhead who is also a car mechanic. He says you're a twat and so is Op's husband.

Op - give the car back and rent. Unfortunately your husband is a nasty, ungrateful, git.

WireCat · 24/04/2014 17:38

Your husband is a disrespectful arse.

Chippednailvarnish · 24/04/2014 17:39

Peeking Grin

WitchWay · 24/04/2014 17:49

driven it like I've stolen it

Yawn

Dickhead

FiscalCliffRocksThisTown · 24/04/2014 18:02

The car will be fine.

But what about the lack of respect towards your parents?! And towards you? ....

CrazyOldCatLady · 25/04/2014 08:39

He's not talking to me.

He didn't say a word all day yesterday from the time we got to work. When I was going to bed I asked him if he was just going to drag it out indefinitely, and he said yes. I asked if he really thought he was in the right, and he said no, but that he didn't feel like trying to resolve it so he was just going to keep ignoring me. I told him he'd have to sleep on the couch. Twice during the night he tried to sneak into the bed and I had to tell him to get out (I can't sleep beside him when he's angry with me, I get too tense, and he's able to sleep on the couch so I wasn't depriving him of sleep).

This morning he was still ignoring me.

I honestly don't know if I can continue with this.

OP posts:
TheSlagOfSnacks · 25/04/2014 08:44

Wow. If you don't mind me saying OP, he sounds like a massive twat.

If he's not even interested in apologising or resolving things then I'd tell him to do one.

Helpys · 25/04/2014 08:46

I think you've discovered he's not a keeper. Sad