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AIBU?

to feel uncomfortable around this man

193 replies

YesAnastasia · 23/04/2014 11:07

A Dad of a little boy at my DS's nursery is too over familiar. I don't like it at all but I don't know if I'm being too over protective.

He talks to DS instead of me, high fives him, tries to make him hold his sons hand, shouts for him to run with him, touches his face & pokes his nose. I hate it. My DS hardly even responds but it doesn't seem to bother him, he just carries on.

One day he came later than me & I waited outside until he came out because I felt weird about it. He came out & had not kidnapped my child...

My DH hates it & wants me to say something but I have no idea what to say. Incidentally, he didn't speak to me or DS when DH was there.

He might just be a bit odd...

OP posts:

Report

YesAnastasia · 23/04/2014 14:52

Thank you NewName I was starting to feel like a bitch.

I did tell DS off for running away in front of the man. He made a 'oooh he's in trouble' face. I hoped he would get the message from that.

OP posts:

WilsonFrickett · 23/04/2014 14:52

Hang on a minute, just saw your update. So you dropped your DS off at nursery, this dad came in as you were leaving, and you then hung about outside the nursery to make sure this father wasn't going to leave with your child? ie to drop off his child, pick yours up then leave?

That is significant over-anxiety and also suggests you have no confidence in your nursery's child protection policies.

Bowlersarm · 23/04/2014 14:55

I thought you said your ds isn't bothered by it?

AndIdratherplayhereWithalltheM · 23/04/2014 14:56

I dont like high fiving so for that alone I would feel un comfortable.

could you say we don't high five in this family>

Chippednailvarnish · 23/04/2014 15:57

Err, at the risk of sounding a bit radical, why don't you actually have a conversation with him next time instead of just let him carry on talking to your son?
I doubt he would totally ignore you if you directly addressed him.

YesAnastasia · 23/04/2014 16:28

I didn't say my DS wasn't bothered by it. He is a bit & doesn't respond.

I have spoken to him a few times. He's too much. Loud & pushy. He speaks for his son too, I've never heard the child speak.

As long as no one thinks he's scary then OK.

OP posts:

YesAnastasia · 23/04/2014 16:32

Wilson Yes that's right. I'm that concerned about him. He makes me feel uncomfortable & I felt I needed to do that.

OP posts:

DrankSangriaInThePark · 23/04/2014 16:33

Drip drip drip.

I would say the father who, shock, horror, speaks to children who may be in the same educational setting as his own child is a lot more normal than the woman in the bushes in a balaclava making sure her ds isn't kidnapped by said Dad tbh.

And in your OP you said "ds doesn't seem to be bothered". But, d'oh, of course we were meant to understand "of course he was bothered". Silly us.

I do like an AIBU where almost everyone says YA and the OP keeps coming back to add more to convince us she isn't though.

fluffyraggies · 23/04/2014 16:37

Is he like this with any of the other children (that are not his)?

YouAreMyFavouriteWasteOfTime · 23/04/2014 16:38

what dastardly plan do you think this man has in mind for your son? with you standing there?

you are being sexist!

Hissy · 23/04/2014 16:48

TELL this man that your DS stays with you and as he's NOT a friend that you'd appreciate it if you SUPPORT the usual 'No To Strangers' rules that are so encouraged these days.

Bollocks to him if he's offended

Bowlersarm · 23/04/2014 16:55

You said, in your opening post, that your DS isn't bothered about it.

Now you are saying he is! Make your mind up.

Tell the man you don't want him interacting with you anymore, but I would imagine he will be very perplexed and think you are a little odd tbh.

WilsonFrickett · 23/04/2014 16:56

He is not going to kidnap your child from nursery. That is not going to happen. It is ok to not like the way he interacts with your son, but you need to take action based on that. Have a conversation if it bothers you. Set boundaries.

But imagining he is going to walk out of a secure childcare setting with your child is allowing your anxieties to ramp up out of control. Seriously.

CumberCookie · 23/04/2014 17:01

Of course this man is most likely not grooming the child or whatever. It still doesn't mean his behaviour is acceptable! I would feel uncomfortable in the same position.
OP just say to him next time - please don't do that DS doesn't like it.

YesAnastasia · 23/04/2014 17:03

I said "My DS hardly even responds but it doesn't seem to bother him, he just carries on."

The man doesn't seem bothered by the fact that my DS doesn't respond, 'he just carries on' being over friendly.

OP posts:

Chippednailvarnish · 23/04/2014 17:05

So it's gone from he talks to DS instead of me to I have spoken to him a few times.

Drip, drip, drip.

Bowlersarm · 23/04/2014 17:06

Oh, I see. You had better address the issue with this man then because I think it's going to become more of an issue as time goes on, for you.

Hissy · 23/04/2014 17:07

Trust your instincts. That is what they are there for.

I have had experience with someone like this, it is an act designed to deflect attention away from them, and it's odd that the man is not attempting to engage with you as a fellow adult.

His NOT doing it, or even engaging with your ds when your H is there is telling.

The 'oooh he's in trouble' face undermines you and is none of his business.

splendide · 23/04/2014 17:08

My DH will be doing all the picking up and dropping off (SAHP) with our child. I'll be sure to tell him not to talk to any children in case it's assumed he's going to kidnap them.

YesAnastasia · 23/04/2014 17:08

What's drip drip drip? He does talk to my child instead of me when my child is there. He does talk to me when our DC aren't there. Why's that inconsistent?

OP posts:

CumberCookie · 23/04/2014 17:12

splendide Stop being horrid, that is NOT what is happening.

OP You need to be firm. "Stop that, he doesn't like it." "Please don't talk to my child like that" etc

splendide · 23/04/2014 17:14

I'm not meaning to be horrid, I am genuinely really sad about it all.

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Bowlersarm · 23/04/2014 17:17

I agree, Splendide, I feel sad for this friendly guy trying to be jolly whilst he's collecting his son from his nursery.

CumberCookie · 23/04/2014 17:20

Well it was a very sarcastic way of putting it, splendide.
Of course men should be able to talk to children but this man is obviously taking it too far.

TheCountessOlenska · 23/04/2014 17:21

AndIwillplayhere out of interest, why don't you like high fiving ?

OP are you sure it's not you rather than your ds he's interested in?? he does sound a bit ott. But waiting for him to come out of Pre-school makes me think your anxiety levels are WAY put of control.

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