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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have let 5 year old dd take her top off at easter party because she was too hot?

80 replies

milkysmum · 20/04/2014 22:40

Just that really. Went to an easter party at local club this evening. The place was really warm and all the children red in the face from running around playing games. Ds age 2 became cranky with the heat and took his top off and was much happier. A few of the girls dd's age had taken their tops off but had vests on. Dd asked to take hers off but had no vest on. I was fine with this. My sister who I was out with thought this was really inappropriate but couldn't really explain why. Dd was happy. She cooled off and then put her top back on later on. So was I being unreasonable as my sister seems to think?

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 21/04/2014 08:26

She is 5 not 15, she is still a young child, why is it inappropriate! What is there to see, nothing! Your sister is being stupid.

katese11 · 21/04/2014 08:33

I'm not surprised by your sister's reaction because the media has whipped up such a frenzy of fear about paedophilia...But it's madness. A 5yo should be able to go topless! A family member made a comment about how uninhibited ds (nearly 5) was for being able to get dressed in front of people in the living room....It would never have occurred to me that he should be inhibited at this age!

softlysoftly · 21/04/2014 08:46

I wouldn't have but it's nothing to do with sexualisation, in fact for that reason I also hate bikinis for little girls.

I would feel that beach/park ok at a push ie caught out with no appropriate clothes, party not ok.

I hate seeing kids in softplay topless or just in nappies. But that's all kids boys and girls.

I also hate seeing men wander around topless in summer other than on the beach still not a pleasant sight in Barry Island

It's more a breach of etiquette.

VivaLeBeaver · 21/04/2014 08:52

Yanbu. I'd have let dd strip off completely at that age if she'd wanted to due to heat.

Fizzybangfanny · 21/04/2014 08:56

YANBU but...

When myself and a cousin was ten, we went to the beach with my SM. He made us strip to our knickers to play in the sea. It was AWFUL! bitch

Fizzybangfanny · 21/04/2014 08:57

It's more a breach of etiquette Hmm

softlysoftly · 21/04/2014 09:04

It is Fizzy, to me

People jump to "she's got no boobs, why can men do it, are u thinking of peedowls!!!" Freak freak freak.

Sometimes people just think it's impolite. I don't like it. I think it's unnecessary apart from eg you are at a park, it's suddenly sunny and they can play in the water (havedone this with DDs). But at an indoor party no.

I don't have to like it. You don't have to care.

2blackcats2 · 21/04/2014 09:07

I know exactly what softly means; in the same way people don't usually go out in pyjamas although they do at our local Tesco a fair bit

Most pyjamas are perfectly decent so there's no real reason "not" to, but we just don't!

Gileswithachainsaw · 21/04/2014 09:08

Indoor parties usually involve at least someone with short skirts or low cut tops or people getting drunk and using bad language or unbuttoning shirts, while all sweaty and stinky. That's a breach of etiquette yet is acceptable and expected Hmm

Little kids running around is not a breach of anything

softlysoftly · 21/04/2014 09:10

Not the children focused parties I go to Giles. I would neither expect nor accept that either!

Saski · 21/04/2014 09:13

Well, I wouldn't be crazy about a five-year old girl OR boy running around without a shirt not, not because of the paedos (!) but because I think children should wear shirts unless on the beach or similar. But I'm sure if it were hot enough I would allow it.

Gileswithachainsaw · 21/04/2014 09:14

That depends. I've been to a few "children's parties" where half the family are drunk when I've arrived.

Some people use any excuse to get drunk Hmm

weeonion · 21/04/2014 09:21

Yanbu.

Interesting to me as just been in another thread where a number of adult women are uncomfortable wearing swimming costumes to a pool. Lets think where we start to get the idea that womens bodies should not be on view.

Your DD was too hot and wanted to be comfortable. She wanted to have no top on for a practical reason. Would it have been better for her to just have to grin and bear it?? Of course not!!

As for others being uncomfortable - tough. They are adults - let them deal with where that comes from.

I also do the "privates are private" NSPCC underwear campaign with DD (7)
So I am not trying to be trendy "forward" thinking but teaching my DD that her body is a fab thing that allows her to do amazing things - such as run around, get hot and sweaty etc

ApocalypseThen · 21/04/2014 09:22

A breach of etiquette? A five year old can't breach etiquette. For heaven's sake. It's natural for pre pubescent children to have no tops in the heat. At some (regrettably young) age they'll not that adults generally don't, and will stop. But why inflict adult prudery on a small child? Let them love their naked bodies and be free from shame for the time they can.

Original poster
milkysmum · 21/04/2014 09:26

thanks for all the replies. she had a long sleeve top on because earlier it had been cool. the place had heaters full blazing which we very quickly turned off. she took her top off until the room was suitably cool and then put it back on. in hindsight I should have had a spare cooler top but I didnt. I would have had a very upset little girl if I had done anything else and couldnt for the life of me come up with a reason as to why her brother could cool off and not her

OP posts:
MyFabulousBoys · 21/04/2014 09:27

OP YADNBU

If it makes you feel any better I will tell you about my friend who wouldn't take her UNDER 1 YEAR OLD swimming with my kids because she didn't bring her daughter's costume. Apparently a swim nappy wasn't sufficient coverage Hmm

Fizzybangfanny · 21/04/2014 09:29

At some (regrettably young) age they'll not that adults generally don't, and will stop. But why inflict adult prudery on a small child? - absolutely

odyssey2001 · 21/04/2014 09:30

Oh dear. I let my little boy get his willy out briefly at the beach as we dried him off? I didn't even think about the other people there. What have I done? Won't somebody think of the children (and obviously the prudish adults too)!?!

Gileswithachainsaw · 21/04/2014 09:32

odyssey you should have let it stay wet so he could get all irritated and maybe even a uti jut to spare the eyes of a passer by who doesn't want to see your ds's willy!!

Sallyingforth · 21/04/2014 09:37

Bloody stupid of your sister - no wonder she couldn't explain why.
If people would only accept that the body is in its normal, natural state when uncovered there would be nothing to upset the prudes and nothing to excite the peados.

softlysoftly · 21/04/2014 09:38

And here comes the rhetoric and hyperbole instead of reasoned debate yet again.

[hmmm]

No one said anything about being offended by drying off a child on a beach but don't let that stop you all.

ICanSeeTheSun · 21/04/2014 09:48

Indoors fine, but I hate children running around naked on the beach or park. I just think children skins are so sensitive that the rays from the sun can damage the skin so easy.

2blackcats2 · 21/04/2014 09:52

I didn't say so initially because it wasn't what the thread was about, but I'm not keen on naked kids on a beach, park, whatever. Nor do I like photographs of naked children, especially not when they flash up on Facebook and the like. I have a friend with a "hilarious" picture of her son and daughter who are both naked and playing with their backs to the camera.

I'm not offended by it but neither are toddlers (they were seven and five when the picture was taken, I think) and if you google her name that's the first thing that comes up on an Instagram account.

As I say, it doesn't offend me but I don't feel comfortable with it either. I probably am a prude but the people who do like it are the people you wouldn't want looking at your children, so ...

ApocalypseThen · 21/04/2014 09:55

I think naked babies/toddlers/small children are cute, innocent and sweet.

I'm not a paedo.

Sallyingforth · 21/04/2014 10:00

Quite so apocalypse.