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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to have let 5 year old dd take her top off at easter party because she was too hot?

80 replies

milkysmum · 20/04/2014 22:40

Just that really. Went to an easter party at local club this evening. The place was really warm and all the children red in the face from running around playing games. Ds age 2 became cranky with the heat and took his top off and was much happier. A few of the girls dd's age had taken their tops off but had vests on. Dd asked to take hers off but had no vest on. I was fine with this. My sister who I was out with thought this was really inappropriate but couldn't really explain why. Dd was happy. She cooled off and then put her top back on later on. So was I being unreasonable as my sister seems to think?

OP posts:

sykadelic · 21/04/2014 00:58

As you were out in public and not in the privacy of your own home/friends/family then I do think you were probably being a bit unreasonable. I don't really agree with the idea of doing what you want when it makes others uncomfortable, especially when it's avoidable.

I also agree with MrsKCastle about teaching kids to dress appropriately.

You could have always pulled the bottom of the shirt up and through the collar so she was still wearing a shirt and still modestly covered (thus humuring the "tutters, or given it's getting warmer had a singlet top for her to wear.

Bogeyface · 21/04/2014 01:02

Sykadelic is right, there are PAEDOS EVERYWHERE!!!!!!

Of course you should force your young daughter to cover up because if she was assaulted it would be her own fault!

YANBU at all.

ballseditup · 21/04/2014 01:29

YANBU OP

Ask your sister 'Why, do you think dd looks a bit sexy?' & she ll soon realise how stupid she is being

Eminybob · 21/04/2014 04:33

Yanbu but this thread has just reminded me of being on the beach with my nan and brother in just bikini bottoms, my mum hadn't packed a top for me. We bumped into one of my brothers school friends and I remember being intensely embarrassed that I had no top on. But I can't remember for the life of me how old I was. Before then I used to rub around the beach all summer with no top on.

Eminybob · 21/04/2014 04:34

Run

sykadelic · 21/04/2014 05:03

Bogeyface Right... Good job on drawing victim shaming from my post when it's not there. It's quite the skill you have!

As for paedophiles... it only takes one but that's not the point.

The OP asked if she should have let her daughter take her top off, I said no she shouldn't, not in public when it made others uncomfortable and when there were several other options that would not have made them uncomfortable.

It's not about nudity, or sexualisation of children, or nonsense like that. It's about thinking about other people and not going out of your way to make others uncomfortable just to prove you're more "forward thinking" than them.

ClairesTravellingCircus · 21/04/2014 05:46

It doesn't sound like OP "went out of her way to make others uncomfortable jyst to prove that she's foward-thinking"!

Rather that she let her kids take their top off to be more comfortable.

oohdaddypig · 21/04/2014 05:52

YANBU.

Your sister sounds odd.

Do you live abroad?

I agree with beachedwhale

tiredbutstillsmiling · 21/04/2014 06:15

Your sis-in-law has the problem.

I remember being primary school aged and just wearing bikini bottoms on the beach & DD can do the same (as long as she's covered in factor 50!!).

Does sadden me how our society has become over-sexualised. 6 months ago when we began potty training DD, thus she spent most of the day naked from waist down, her God father came to visit. He was so uncomfortable being around her and left early as he didn't really want to play with her being naked. She's 2 FFS! Be uncomfortable with the fact she may wee or poo on you but not because her little peachy bum's on show!!

bragmatic · 21/04/2014 06:41

I'd have done it, and would have assumed no one would be uncomfortable about it. I don't consider it particularly 'forward thinking', given 40 years ago, I was doing the same thing myself.

PickledEggMobile · 21/04/2014 06:49

sykadelic do you think op's 2 year old ds should have kept his top on as well so as not to cause embarrassment?

JoandMax · 21/04/2014 06:57

I don't think I would even have given it a seconds thought! DS1 is nearly 6 and plenty of his girl friends just wear bikini bottoms to the pool (we're in a hot country) and I've never seen a tut so far.....

Toizzy · 21/04/2014 07:01

Sykadelic why do you think a mum should be more concerned about the comfort of other adults rather than the comfort of her 5 year old dd?

Retropear · 21/04/2014 07:07

Well I just let my dd 9 hike across Dartmoor with no top.

She was hot and her chest is identical to her 10 year old brother's chests.Couldn't see the argument of her roasting and her brothers being comfortable.

So yanbu.

makeminea6x · 21/04/2014 07:08

I don't think we should be pandering to other people's neuroses - she's a child and if she's happy then let her do it. For me normalising our bodies is a good thing and I would hate to make a young child feel self-conscious about her body for no reason other than other people's silliness. She'll get enough of that for the rest of her life!

spatchcock · 21/04/2014 07:13

It's depressing when people associate naked children with sex. I think it says a lot about that person. We have had problems with MIL in the past saying that we are exposing our children to pedophiles by letting them play naked.

Gileswithachainsaw · 21/04/2014 07:18

Arf @ "uncomfortable" seriously? If the party was so crap that a child with no top on us the one thing they noticed then perhaps they should have just gone home.

Who the fuck is uncomfortable with a child and a missing t shirt.

Wtaf

RedFocus · 21/04/2014 07:59

Huh my dc have never run around naked or even topless in a public place and we've lived in a hot country for 5 years. I was just thinking back and neither have I. I guess I must have carried around changes of clothes and dressed them appropriately. Can't say that I have a problem with other people letting their kids do it but I am sure my ex wouldn't let our dc do it. My dc have at least 4 different swim suits each though so not really any need. And if they get hot we go cool down outside. I also tell my dc that their privates are private so they probably wouldn't want to flash them anyway.

tobysmum77 · 21/04/2014 08:05

yanbu its the time of year dc wearing something warm and then all of a sudden the weather takes you by surprise.

Retropear · 21/04/2014 08:14

Sorry I ain't carrying around changes of clothes for 3x 9 and 10 year olds.I'm clutter free these days.No wipes,drinks,snacks etc.Nothing.

Since when are chests privates?

Gileswithachainsaw · 21/04/2014 08:16

I see men with bigger boobs than me walking shirtless around town in summer. No one says a word about that.

wonkylegs · 21/04/2014 08:18

YANBU I do think it's a subject people completely overreact to
I am actually quite uncomfortable with tiny little girls/babies in bikinis - to me this is far more wrong on the beach than naked kids.
I have a DS which is somewhat easier on this subject however I will never forget going to a spring party once where it was surprisingly hot so they got out the paddling pool for the kids much faffing about was had about rolling up sleeves/trousers etc, I just said to 2yo DS he could strip down to his pants and then it didn't matter if he got soaked. Lots of raised eyebrows from other parents who couldn't believe I would 'expose my child' - he had the most fun though & I was the least stressed parent.

Gileswithachainsaw · 21/04/2014 08:22

A two yr old in pants? Exposing?

Wtf.

They should have all just done the same

Retropear · 21/04/2014 08:23

Wonky I know what you mean re bikinis.

Until my dd has anything worth putting in a bikini top I'd rather she ran around in pants(which you see a lot of in France)or a one piece.

I don't get why we make bikinis for little girls.They have the same chests as little boys.

rumbelina · 21/04/2014 08:24

Giles - quite!

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