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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed by this (yes, benefits related, sorry)

406 replies

Spotbakesacake · 18/04/2014 12:15

Name changed for this.

Dsd is with is is week. She randomly just dropped in to the conversation that her mums bf has moved a lot of his stuff back to his parents as he has moved back there in order that they can get more money which they need to buy a house in August. He still visits every day and stays over some nights. She was talking about his Xbox and said it was at his parents as he needed to have enough things there to convince 'them' that he didn't live there anymore.

To me this reads that he has nominally moved out in order that the mum can claim housing benefit again (as she only works a couple of days a week)

They have reserved a new build house that should be ready in august, dsd says they don't have enough money for it yet though.

The bf is in a well paid job, I think he earns nearly as much as dh actually. They are obviously impatient to move which I do understand. But this doesn't seem a very honest way to go about it. Dh and I saved for ages to have a house deposit.

Dh told me that his ex has been investigated for benefit fraud before although I have no idea what for, that was years ago. I only know because she thought it was him that reported her (he wasn't)

It's not that I have anything against dsd mum, I don't really know her but she seems nice enough. And it's not that I have any plans to try and report her or anything (unless people think I should!) I realise I know nothing like the full story. I'm just feeling rather grr about it.

OP posts:
GarlicAprilShowers · 18/04/2014 15:48

Thanks, Spot - you've allowed me to exhale!

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 18/04/2014 15:50

agree garlic, they're hardly living the dream, I'd hate it if I only got to spend a couple of nights a week with dp. I hope the fact that she's rolling in it, what with the millions of pounds in benefits she'll now be getting, gives her some comfort.

LineRunner · 18/04/2014 15:50

Exactly, Garlic. Thank you for some factual sense.

monicalewinski · 18/04/2014 15:51

But she's not single garlic, her and her partner have decided to live apart for a period of time to allow them to save for a deposit more quickly (due to her becoming eligible for increased financial support), they have every intention of living together again when they buy their house - he still stays over occasionally, they are not single.

If my husband moved out and we announced we were separated, allowing me to claim for assistance, then we could afford to save more quickly too - but we don't because it is not right.

LineRunner · 18/04/2014 15:52

Actually what I don't think some posters like is the fact that the ExP and the P are indeed following the rules.

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 18/04/2014 15:52

they're living as single people as far as hmrc is concerned.

LineRunner · 18/04/2014 15:53

But she's not single garlic, her and her partner have decided to live apart for a period of time to allow them to save for a deposit more quickly (due to her becoming eligible for increased financial support), they have every intention of living together again when they buy their house - he still stays over occasionally, they are not single.

You really think an 8 year old relayed this to the OP?

Spotbakesacake · 18/04/2014 15:55

Lol no problem garlic See, I'm not totally unreasonable Smile

OP posts:
fifi669 · 18/04/2014 15:56

They aren't single according to HMRC rules! Google it!

monicalewinski · 18/04/2014 15:56

No I don't line, but I did say in my previous post which garlic replied to if the assumption is correct that the bf is moving out so that the mum is 'single' to allow her to claim.
That is the assumed situation that I am referring to.

LineRunner · 18/04/2014 15:58

Google an assumption?

GarlicAprilShowers · 18/04/2014 15:58

Haha, according to you lot I should find someone to shag a couple of times a week and he should pay my rent. Apparently that wouldn't make me a fraud. Would it make me something else, I wonder??

... No need to answer this post Wink

Spotbakesacake · 18/04/2014 16:00

To be clear garlic, that is not my opinion.

OP posts:
LineRunner · 18/04/2014 16:00

OP have nice weekend. Glad you can see that people make their compromises in different ways sometimes.

fidelineish · 18/04/2014 16:01

I think www.rentasinglemum.com has great profit potential. I'l be running it past IDS. Don't know what you lot are being so huffy about Wink

monicalewinski · 18/04/2014 16:01

Who said that garlic?

Nobody has said that. Posters have said what you just have - that people obviously think you should prostitute yourself, but I cannot find a single poster that has suggested that you should.

Spotbakesacake · 18/04/2014 16:02

Well linerunner, I've said all the way through it's an assumption. Doesn't mean it can't be true though.

OP posts:
Owllady · 18/04/2014 16:03

Will she actually move in with him if it's his name only? I wouldn't
Surely that makes her a lot more financially vulnerable?

LineRunner · 18/04/2014 16:03

Or legal.

gordyslovesheep · 18/04/2014 16:06

Derek do you not feel ashamed of taking money of other taxpayers if/when you don't need to? Benefits are a safety net not a free ticket. If your BF is willing to contribute to your expenses then it would be MUCH more moral to allow him too and to reduce the burden you place on the welfare system so that more money can go to those who do not have that choice. Not saying you are acting illegally, but I do question the honour/ morality of your position

Spotbakesacake · 18/04/2014 16:07

I think they'll be buying it together owllady (although obviously that's also an assumption on my part Smile

OP posts:
gordyslovesheep · 18/04/2014 16:07

that was one post that suggested single parents should get bf/gf to pay their expenses ....

GarlicAprilShowers · 18/04/2014 16:07

Monica, the bottom line is that this couple have dialled down their relationship so the working partner can stop paying rent on a house he doesn't own.

There are couples who claim they've split up while still living together. That is fraud. But, as line says, these two are following the rules correctly. They've genuinely altered their relationship so he can stop paying to live at his girlfriend's house. It's quite a drastic move - the fact that few (or any) posters on this thread would separate from their DPs to do the same testifies to that.

As they're now back in a visiting-boyfriend situation, it is exactly analogous to my charging someone to sleep with me.

Spotbakesacake · 18/04/2014 16:08

Indeed linerunner.

OP posts:
fifi669 · 18/04/2014 16:14

They haven't genuinely altered their relationship, they've artificially changed if for a few months to blag money to go back to what they were before.