Lunches out

[Sally40000]

Does anyone else have the problem that their husband always has a canteen, and plus often eats out at lunch with friends. I am part-time and work in a tiny firm, no canteen or sandwich shop near. So I ALWAYS make the effort to take in something to microwave.

A further problem! A recent email he sent to a very old friend of his about a b/party has elicited the response from her "If you cannot come, we will of course meet in the Swan" !!! er.. nothing was mentioned to me.

I don't think there is anything going on between them as such, only we are trying pretty hard to economise, two children at uni and one with a huge mortgage - so we never never get to eat out in the evening and it doesn't seem fair that he has turned out to have been eating some lovely pub lunches without even saying - because I thought he was at the work canteen.

Should I start packing him sandwiches please??

Why can't he make his own sarnies?

Rather than telling him what he has to eat, you would be better off agreeing between you how much money you will each have to spend on whatever you like. That way you both have the same amount of disposable income, and if he chooses to spend his on pub lunches then that's up to him.

Be straight: tell him that you cant afford for him to eat lunch out. Ask him what he'd like to add to your shopping order so that HE CAN MAKE HIMSELF some sandwiches or other packed lunch.

So if you did have canteen facilities, would you use them?

I make my husband sand witches every day or else he wastes money buying them. Worth it. He does occasionally do them and mine if I ask. For those saying he should do them. He wouldn't as easier to buy. However he does empty and carry out the bin, clean the house better than me and due to a recent bout of v and d has done the washing up as I was too ill. He just attempted to get me to eat a warm chocolate croissant (he heated up) but kinda off food at the moment but nice thought. Swings and roundabouts.

Agree Londonrach. I bought a chicken for Wednesday night and said to him, do make a sandwich with the left-overs. He has said this would be the favourite sandwich if he takes one, and indeed he did once take a sandwich with fresh chicken. Was too busy to make sandwich after cooking and washing up though, and in morning he was gone. Needless to say without sandwich. He does work hard. I struggle to think of any of my friends who are regularly eating out. One has invited me round for homemade soup recently loads. It was very nice chat. Recently made redundant though, another recently on her own. Anyway, I suppose the real theme of the thread is that I would like to go out to eat with d/p!

As you work part time then why not suggest that you will go and meet him for lunch then?

Interesting question - if I had canteen facilities would I use them? I don't know. Is that - I have canteen AND access to a microwave - or just the canteen. Microwaved leftovers is usually nicer than sandwiches and food doesn't get wasted - if there was a canteen too would mix and match though,

Have suggested to meet him for lunch!! (free travel looms up pretty soon as 60 B/day ) He says ok, but I would still like him to come home and say "Guess who I met for lunch" - and not discover this in an email to what is frankly obviously a joint mail address.

This drives me mad too OP. We are struggling with weekly shop yet he goes out for lunch 5x per week a pret a manger here, curry buffet with colleagues there. He must spend in excess of 50 quid a week just on lunches. I'm at home or work eating leftovers or cup a soup and ricecakes etc. It bloody sucks.

Is this about the lunches out or who they are with?

It does seem unfair you are trying to stop him spending money so you can economise when you only work part time. Surely you don't begrudge him buying food when essentially he is supporting the household in the main?

If it's about who he lunches with, that's different. Depends on if you tell each other every micro detail of your day usually.

This isn't about the lunches. This is because he went out for lunch with a female friend.

Can I also ask, why are you supporting one of your adult children who has a "big mortgage"? That's not your problem I would have thought.

It sounds more like jealousy than a financial worry tbh

Why do you need to economise because your child has a HUGE mortgage? Isn't that their issue?

You will save such a lot if he takes sandwiches even if the canteen meals are subsidised.As for daily visits to the pub , best knock that on the head and see just how much better off you'll both be. Sit down and discuss it then perhaps give it a 1 month trial; you'll be pleasantly surprised.

Well, yes it is because he has been going out to lunch with a female friend, I don't know how often, I don't know when, I don't know really whether she does pay her own lunch, but primarily because the email very much implies that she can decide when the lunch might take place - after which the d/p j(having had an hour and a half for lunch perhaps) will come home and say "what a hard day's work" Happy Mummy I definitely concede that I am blessed with part-time work. I read more than him, I watch more television than him, I realise every day he is stronger and works harder, but I need to be told what he does.

Just try to get things for the adult children because they NEVER get to eat out now and they used to loads. But at the moment they cant.

You do seem to enjoy playing up to the gender roles don't you? Stronger than you? Making sandwiches for him? Fuck that

They never get to eat out? That's a shame. Don't get a stupidly high mortgage then

I think you need to be clear whether this is about the money or not. HappyMummy, you're not really going to suggest that, because OP does part-time paid work she isn't an equal contributor to the household? Good luck with that one! If you are economising, then I agree with WooWoo - agree between you that you have equal spending money, which has to include lunches out. But would it bother you if he continued to spend all his on those lunches? If so, then reducing it to financial terms isn't going to solve your problems.

Stop being a martyr. Let your adult children sort themselves out. So what if they can't afford to go out for a meal. It's their own fault for getting a mortgage they can't afford. Then you and your husband can go out.

He also shouldn't have to tell you every detail of his day.

This is easily the oddest thread I've read for a long while

OP, why are your adult children with a mortgage not standing in their own two feet? So your DH should not get lunch out as you want to spend that money letting your adult children go out instead. So it's ok he works to allow them to do that but they shouldn't budget better, take on more hours etc.

If you want to support your adult children, then rather than letting your DH have no say in how he spends his earnings you could up your hours. You seem to want your cake and eat it whilst being very controlling.

If a man posted his wife was the main earner whilst he worked part time by choice, with no young children, and he didn't like her meeting friends for lunch or spending money on food he would be called all sorts.