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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want a big wedding?

55 replies

lollipoppi · 18/04/2014 09:45

DP finally proposed in January, we have 2 children

We have talked about various wedding scenarios, ideally we would like to go abroad but on the other hand we really want all of our family to share our day and don't want to put anyone in a position to have to say no if they cannot afford it

So we decided it would be a nice idea to get married in our village church, then over the road to a pub/restaurant (very nice place) that have agreed they would close off to public for us.
We would put plenty of money behind the bar and restaurant would do a buffet, no sit down meal as such.

We just want everybody we love to come and enjoy our day, without a huge fuss.
We would be requesting no presents.

Family on both sides are literally outraged that we are not booking a "proper" wedding reception, sit down meal, evening entertainment blah blah blah

Tbh we just want to get married, have a nice afternoon/evening with all our family & friends then go on a well overdue holiday with the children.

OP posts:

FruVikingessOla · 18/04/2014 09:52

YANBU.

It sounds a lovely idea. You are the ones who are organising and paying for it, so do want you both want to do!

WishUponAStar88 · 18/04/2014 09:54

It sounds lovely of course yanbu!

RuthlessBaggage · 18/04/2014 09:54

YANBU.

And since you're a proper grownup and will be paying, it's completely your business.

WooWooOwl · 18/04/2014 09:54

YANBU, your wedding sounds lovely.

Family often have ideas about what they want from a relatives wedding, I know mine did. Ignore it, they will come round.

AlpacaLypse · 18/04/2014 09:56

Sounds like the perfect wedding to me.

Are you doing bridesmaids etc in the church bit? That would be enough tradition as far as I'm concerned. The Father Of The Bride doesn't need to be sitting at a high table to make a long and embarrassing speech, in fact if it's in a pub setting it'll be much easier to sneak out...

Ginnytonic82 · 18/04/2014 09:59

Tough bananas to them, I think your wedding sounds lovely. It's your day and you should be free to do whatever you want. Just tell people who raise their eyebrows that you, Df and the kids are happy. Congratulations.

notthegirlnextdoor · 18/04/2014 10:00

YANBU.

Thats similar to what we did last year. It was brilliant, lots of people raved about the fact that we hadn't spent loads and everything was so informal and how relaxed they felt. Which was great cos thats what we were aiming for :D

Marrow · 18/04/2014 10:02

Sounds great to me. We had a very small wedding (much smaller than you are planning) and we have never regretted it. It's your day to do as you wish. Don't try and pander to other people as you will never please them all. Just do what feels right for you and DP.

sooperdooper · 18/04/2014 10:03

Yanbu, a wedding should be whatever you want it to be, nobody else's business!

Your plans sound lovely, we didn't want a big wedding either so we went abroad, the idea that a wedding has to be a certain way really winds me up, do what you want & congratulations!!

t3rr3gl35 · 18/04/2014 10:03

YANBU.

It's your wedding so do what makes you happy. It sounds as if it will be a lovely day. Enjoy.

eurochick · 18/04/2014 10:03

It sounds lovely.

Original poster

lollipoppi · 18/04/2014 10:06

Alpaca our DD would be our only bridesmaid and our DS page boy.

We have been to so many of our friends weddings over the years, and in our line of business we organise other peoples weddings on a weekly basis (3 weddings this weekend)
We have dressed every wedding venue in a 50 mile radius.
I think this is why our family are expecting a huge reception, but we're sick of it we deal with it every week and would prefer something low key

OP posts:

ThatBloodyWoman · 18/04/2014 10:08

Yanbu.

We went down the registry office, then down the pub.

Spend any money you have earmarked on an amazing honeymoon.

Burren · 18/04/2014 10:09

Of course yanbu. I thought you were going to say you wanted to sneak off and not have anyone but witnesses (which is what we did, most enjoyably, and didn't tell anyone for months - no regrets at all), but you are of course having a 'proper' wedding by anyone's standards, I would have said.

Are your families really throwing a strop because there's no grim hotel silver service beef/chicken served by nervous teenagers in waistcoats, and no terrible tribute band on a bad sound system afterwards??? Is it the case that if no chair covers with bows are involved, and it doesn't go on till the early hours, it doesn't count as a wedding? Stick to your guns.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 18/04/2014 10:11

Stick with what you want. If they want a massive formal do, they're very welcome to organise and pay for it themselves. I think your plan sounds great.

You might like to say something like "I'm sorry your ideas don't match ours, but we'll be sticking with what we like best. Of course, our invitation is not a court summons, so don't feel obliged to come if you're not going to enjoy the day. We only want happy people there to celebrate with us".

tobybox · 18/04/2014 10:13

FFS definitely spend your 'big wedding' time, money & effort on a bloody brilliant holiday instead. That's where the good memories will be made - as opposed to a memory of feeling exhausted and resentful at the top table. Ignore the traditional crap! It's your day - do it how you want.

AlpacaLypse · 18/04/2014 10:13

I can quite see why you've had it up to your eyeballs with fancy weddings!

Original poster

lollipoppi · 18/04/2014 10:25

Burren you've summed it up perfectly

OP posts:

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 18/04/2014 10:30

I sympathise it is your event so why not celebrate as you choose? Do they know you are in two minds about holding an event here at all and quite fancy marking the occasion abroad? Enjoy your wedding.

Sicaq · 18/04/2014 10:38

It sounds like the best sort of wedding to me: relaxed and friendly and intended to be FUN, rather than a showcase of money!

Sandthorn · 18/04/2014 10:42

If they hate the idea so much, they needn't come... Oh well.

You must do your wedding the way you want it. I bet for every idiot who's outraged and telling you about it, there are at least three others who are thinking "that sounds perfect!" Seriously, who needs another set meal that three quarters of the guests hate? Your plan sounds like all the fun without the fuss (and, let's face it, much of the fussy stuff just comes off looking naff in the end).

HypodeemicNerdle · 18/04/2014 10:46

DH and I had a tiny beach wedding, it was fabulous, apart from MIL wearing black but that's a story for another day! Sounds like you and your DP know exactly what you want, it's your day so go for it.

Have a wonderful day

momb · 18/04/2014 10:48

The thing is that most of your friends and family aren't outraged at all. It's a few vocal people. Do what you want!

ParkingFred · 18/04/2014 10:50

I think your idea sounds lovely.

Tbh, I don't really get people having the whole formal shebang when they already live together and have kids.

Your wedding sounds relaxed and fun.

noblegiraffe · 18/04/2014 10:51

Tell 'em that if they keep banging on then you'll elope and there'll be no wedding, only a marriage, which is of course the important bit.

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