To think sexism in the UK is not as bad as the UN rep says it is?

[AICM]

Yes I know you don’t have to look far to find many examples of sexism in the UK and yes the reaction of some men to this report has been awful but as I live my daily life I don’t feel as though I’m being oppressed and kept in my place by a patriarchy. I live the life I want, my OH does half (if I’m honest more than half of all domestic chores) my boss (a male) treats me with respect and my co-workers (who are nearly all male) treat me as an equal and don’t make any sexist comments.

Am I lucky or is my experience fairly common?

Agree with thetallesttower. I am a migrant and I come from a land with female infanticide and violent rapes. But it is a completely different story when you look at the professional, middle classes in India.

The recent move to get women coding in IT here in the Uk left me very bemused. The engineering colleges in India have an equal mix of boys and girls and personally I have worked with IT directors and project managers who were women in their 30s.

The entrenched idea that women are not "techy" or don't have a scientific bent is something I come across all the time in the UK.

And the thing that really saddens me is when women feel depressed because men don't wolf whistle at them in the streets any more. Not only have women accepted that abusing them on the streets is sexist, they even begin to miss this behaviour. Talk about a twisted version of Stockholm Syndrome...!!

I see I'm very late to the party, but I wrote a blog about this report - it contains links to the actual report and the response to it from EVAW if anyone's interested in having a look.

www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/stephanie-davies/visible-in-your-face-sexism-in-britain_b_5175218.html

Apparently this rep of the UN can only come to the UK if invited by the Government, which she was, but she also requested permission to visit Yarls wood women's detention centre. This was refused by the Gov, she went there anyway but was refused admission.

The bit about UK media being sexist was a v small part of her report. Sadly we are lead by the nose again by the media who have decided that that is the only part of her report worth rubbishing reporting.

Link to BBC info on this
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-27034117

If she said the uk is the most sexist country in the world I'd disagree looking at the recent gang rapes and associated disclosures in India (any comments on all that amrapaali? I've never been), but the uk really is an appalling place for girls to grow up, particularly the north west.

I've said before I had a history of sexual harassment (if anyone's watching!): what that means is. That for 3 years I could literally not walk out of the house without having some harassment, from the endless comments from virtually every male without female companions (and some with) to groping to stalking. Thankfully not rape, as I could and would fight. I didn't even need to go out as I sometimes got it over the Phone.

I've also had men 'pretending' to jump out at me and then saying 'sorry luv, just having a laugh' (cue loads of revenge fantasies of smashing their faces in before realising they were only having fun). I still do not like strange men and it doesn't take much for me to start getting angry with the whole gender. -pause to calm down-.

So I can believe the uk is shit. Incidentally this is one of my main reasons for wanting to move to the continent - things are much better in most places there. I do not want my dd to go through what I went through.

What is it with men?? What is wrong with them? I also have a ds, if he ever behaves like that just once I will disown him onthe spot.

I think women will only have achieved true equality when the problem of men is recognised - they commit something like 80% of all crimes ffs! don't have true figure to hand - and public debates on how to deal with them ensue.

Pause to calm down again so I can go smile at toddler ds.

I think the OP needs to be read carefully and answered correctly. You can't be critical if she doesn't feel like she is made to feel like a second rate citizen. She is asking if she feels lucky or is that a common occurrence in other women.

I agree Theone

It is difficult if you live in a balanced relationship and don't come across it often.

I'm actually Chinese and have fortunately escaped a life of racist abuse. That's not to say that people aren't racist in this country but it is difficult to fully quantify if you're not on the receiving end of abuse.

IMHO it's a slow process. My in laws are totally racist and that grates on me but attitudes do change. All I can do is to be a part of the positive change that is required. If my girls see balance/respect/consideration and I teach them not to accept sexist bullshit (and we all do this with our kids) then maybe the next generation will improve further.

Is anyone else really upset about the way porn has become mainstream? When I complain I'm told "sex sells". But funny how it's only ever WOMEN (or girls) looking "sexual" - rarely men. I find the majority of pop music videos so degrading. OH and BIL are often at the receiving ends of my rants. I hope that if they ever have a daughter the penny will finally drop. Those videos make me feel ill, sad, vulnerable, angry, aggressive, ashamed. I don't think people realise how it makes (some) women feel to see this kind of thing all over the place.

I think sexism is to a certain extent a part of human nature. Men and women are different, and there is little point in pretending otherwise. The reason why there are more men in politics for instance (mentioned in a comment above) is that more men than women want to go into politics.

And I don't think there is anything particularly to be gained from more men staying at home while more women stay in the workforce - frankly I think women are more likely to want to stay at home than men, assuming either is able to. Equality of opportunity is one thing, equality of outcome is quite another. By insisting on the latter, I don't think people are being realistic about human nature.

Sexism is still common in the uk, but I think the law is on women side in the uk.

Louise whether or not that's true, it doesn't explain why the UK would have a greater difference in some things than other countries. If it was just a matter of genetics, it wouldn't be the same all round.

It's an iportant question because if these differences are genetic, rather than because of the way society is structured, we need to completely change trackin terms of trying to make life fair for both sexes. Instead of trying to ensure women can be as fiscally secure as men through the current system of employment as the government is (half-heartedly) trying, we would need to look more at the pay for housework/mothering ideas of the 70s. And to ensure our laws are not dominated by the male perspective, rather than encourage women to stand as MPs for current seats we would need to completely change the system and have seperate elections for men and women.

If it was just a matter of genetics, it would* be the same all round.

Law on the women's side?? Is it really?? Have you ever tried reporting a sexual assault to the police??

Maybe the paper laws are on women's side - perhaps for harassment at work at least. Not for crimes on the street. And then you get the way you are treated when you report. It is assumed you are lying - that is the position they start from. How many other crimes is that the case for??

I had a particularly bad experience in wales where the coppers did exactly this, and from later experience I eventually concluded it was because I was English. I wish I'd done them for harassment - surely calling round every morning before 7 for 2 weeks, telling you repeatedly how you can be done for lying is, telling all your friend you were lying, reading your statement back after getting you good and upset with little alterations to see if you catch them - qualifies as harassment, but I was young and weeks off my degree finals so didn't want more hassle.

I've assumed ever since that all reports coming out of wales that victims were lying, are lies. I know so many women - most in fact-who've had problems with men, never one whose lied about if. You don't need to when there are so many men who are worthless at best and scum at worst.

The appalling statistic that only 1 % of reported rape - reported of course but worth stressing -cases results in a conviction tells it's own story. And women are still told it's their own fault for wearing skimpy clothing, even if they aren't. www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/100000-assaults-1000-rapists-sentenced-shockingly-low-conviction-rates-revealed-8446058.html

Whoever it was who mentioned foreign women doing things, sorry can't remember who it was, perhaps this is why we don't - because we have to learn fear very young ( I was 8 when first assaulted, nothing serious thankfully, 11 when first followed). We know we're not safe on our own. Plus being from the uk, most of us haven't got the money, we're one of the most unequal countries in Europe.

I don't know where in the UK law is on women's side, could it be Scotland? we haven't even enjoyed full legal personhood for a very big portion of the history of law in England (and Wales)

obviously progress has been made but our law as a system originated and has evolved to protect the interests of men until fairly recently (recent in the context of its long history)

*Yes I know you don’t have to look far to find many examples of sexism in the UK and yes the reaction of some men to this report has been awful but as I live my daily life I don’t feel as though I’m being oppressed and kept in my place by a patriarchy. I live the life I want, my OH does half (if I’m honest more than half of all domestic chores) my boss (a male) treats me with respect and my co-workers (who are nearly all male) treat me as an equal and don’t make any sexist comments.

Am I lucky or is my experience fairly common?*

Is that what you call "sexism" ?
I call it manners, and know your place in the society. Why would a boss treat you in a fatherly manner ? Well, he should indeed give some guidance if he is the boss, and still mentor you.

I work in IT with a lot of guys. What I cannot stand is that, even when some guys obviously is not qualified to do a job, he still get the job, and still does a bad job and then leaves, but then get paid a lot. That is just wrong imho.

I find that a lot of guys actually are bullies in the work place, and they also do not help you and let things hit the fan and then blame you. There is a lot of blame culture, and lack of empathy, or empathetic decisions overall. This is not "equality". It is inhumane.