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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to find it so hard not having my own car!

34 replies

Blueskiesandcherrypies · 17/04/2014 09:40

I know, I know.... poor me! But... I have my own car since I passed my test 22 years ago. Six months ago we decided to become a one car family (now have a seven seater company car through DH's work) for financial reasons. I thought it would be fine. I have 3 dcs (9, 7 and 1) and another on the way. I walk the older dcs to school, swimming lessons. In walking distance there is - school, small park, waitrose, coffee shop. Train station 5 mins away - 10 min journey one way by rail to one town, 20 mins the other way to another town.

On paper it should be fine, but omg the school hols are hard! I have all these ideas of what I want to do with the dcs - beach, national trust, visiting friends, local farms - and we can't do any of it as DH has the car and we can't afford another one!

So tell me, am I just being a spoilt brat/lacking imagination.... how do you manage without a car? Today it's just me and 1yo dd, the day is looming ahead of us and we can't even use the garden as its an unsafe 'work in progress'!!

Make me see sense please!

OP posts:

saoirse31 · 17/04/2014 09:43

Seems crazy that dh driving seven seater with one person in it all day tbh. Can u chge terms of co car deal maybe ... get two saloons... seems v frustrating... fine walking to swimming in good weather but with baby ..in rain etc..

MsVestibule · 17/04/2014 09:45

YANBU. If you're used to having a car for so long, it's difficult. Is it possible for your DH to get public transport to work during the holidays, or does he use the car whilst he's at work?

saoirse31 · 17/04/2014 09:45

Its not just the transport its the ease of car, being able to throw what u want in boot etc... esp when youre used to it

Original poster

Blueskiesandcherrypies · 17/04/2014 09:50

DH's job is, unfortunately, entirely dependant on having a car - he has several meetings a day all over the place. We chose a 7 seater so we could at least all fit in it at the weekends!

OP posts:

flipchart · 17/04/2014 09:50

I think a re think is needed.

During school holidays could DH bus/ get a lift/ cycle/ you drop him off or drop him near a train station to free the car?
Could he car share thre rest of the time? Say week on week off or every other day or something.

flipchart · 17/04/2014 09:50

Are x post.

flipchart · 17/04/2014 09:51

You are going to need a runaround then.

flipchart · 17/04/2014 09:54

Or your DH needs a runaround and you have the bigger car.

OnIlkleyMoorBahTwat · 17/04/2014 09:54

Could you hire a car for the odd day here and there? Hiring a small car shouldn't cost too much and you and the DCs would fit in OK.

stargirl1701 · 17/04/2014 09:55

OP, I find I get depressed without my own car. It's a symbol of my independence and I struggle with the feeling of being 'trapped' without it.

longtallsally2 · 17/04/2014 09:56

Totally sympathise. I have always driven but we went down to one car, because dh doesn't use his often, but when he does need it, I feel so stranded. I have also had to do a lot more running around after the kids - and we only have two - as I used to drop one off somewhere and then arrange for dh to pick him up on his way home, meaning I could be doing something else.

It is getting a bit easier as they are now nearly teens and can use bikes/buses on their own, but it has been tough going for the last 10 years. I would suggest that you keep a note of the things that you can't do, for a month or two, and look on paper what the real impact is for you as a family. It may be that when you see it on paper, it is quite clear to you whether it would be cost effectivelife effective to get another one or not.

Beastofburden · 17/04/2014 09:58

Rent one for the holidays. Which is to say, rent DH something small and cheap for him, while you keep the big car.

I use zipcar myself, but no good for you as not big enough.

weatherall · 17/04/2014 10:05

I sympathise.

After a few days without my car I don't feel like myself anymore and I live in a reasonably well connected area.

It is true that if you are used to running the kids to various places you feel totally stranded without it.

The thing is most mums I know don't have a car or certainly don't have their own car.they are much fitter than me but are very confined to their local area. I'd get so bored going to the same swings and shops every week! But on the other hand they know more local people whereas I don't even know a single neighbours first name!

Littlef00t · 17/04/2014 10:12

You say you are down to one car to save money, but you would still save even if you pay out for the odd taxi now and again. Could you look at your finances and look into perhaps a taxi related activity once a week during the holidays.

We figured out we would save £2-3k per year by not running a car, the odd £30 on taxis was worth it.

Littlef00t · 17/04/2014 10:14

Scrap that, the cost of a taxi is probably more than hiring as the PPs have suggested, although more convenient not to have to go collect.

FobblyWoof · 17/04/2014 10:17

Oh YANBU!

We went from a two car family down to a one car family just before I had my first DC. It was a bit of a shock to be honest. I think you get a feeling of a huge loss of freedom when you first have DC anyway and that combined with then going to having no car was awful.

DP worked a fair way away and it just wasn't viable for him to catch the bus or cycle etc, but at least some days I could drop him into work and pick him up (though it meant I was on the go the whole day) but then he got moved even further away and it would've taken an hour and a half every morning and evening so that ruled that out!

He's finally, after two years, been moved somewhere closer to home so that he can bus in and I can have the car and our car has died! Sod's law!

TheFarceAndTheSpurious · 17/04/2014 10:19

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SuburbanSpaceperson · 17/04/2014 10:22

Do you have a car club near you? It would probably work best if your DH booked a small car club car for the day and you had the family car to save lugging car seats around.

OnIlkleyMoorBahTwat · 17/04/2014 10:25

The car is a company car, which the DH needs to do his job. I can't see his employer being happy if he says he can't make his appointments because his DW is using the car to take the DCs to the seaside .

Mrswellyboot · 17/04/2014 10:27

I couldn't live without my car. I'd cut back elsewhere. You need a runaround for sure.

whydidyoudothat · 17/04/2014 10:29

TheFarceAndTheSpurious you are reading it incorrectly, op has already stated that unfortunately her husband needs his company car to do his job as he has to travel between meetings.

SlimJiminy · 17/04/2014 10:39

Couldn't you swap the 7-seater for 2 smaller cars? If you have 3 kids, then you only need 5 seats. Would one larger 5-seater and a small run around 5-seater work? So you have plenty of boot space for longer journeys and still something for getting around in the holidays, etc? Seems ridiculous for him to take a 7-seater to work while you're using public transport.

gamerwidow · 17/04/2014 20:45

I'm going to buck the trend and say you don't need a car but you do need to make better use of public transport. I bet you could find some nice days out by train or coach in the summer holidays.
Think of how much healthier your family will be walking everywhere too. I have a car but never use it for short journeys like you describe. Too expensive and I like building exercise into my day. Don't worry about rain either just get sone decent wet weather clothes you won't melt :)

smartypants1000 · 18/04/2014 10:15

It is very difficult. I don't drive and have never had a car, also have 3 young dc. The only answer is to use buses and trains - we do this a lot, it isn't as easy or convenient as having a car, and you can't go and leave whenever you like, it takes longer...but the alternative is being isolated and depressed. You might find that with bus and train fares though, you might as well spend the money on a small, cheap car that's cheap to tax and insure.

Also, if you downgraded to two smaller cars (I can squeeze between 2 dc in the back if we all want to go out at the weekend), your dh would be spending a lot less on fuel.

For me, the cost we can't manage is driving lessons, tests etc, we have a car sitting outside the house that I can't drive as dh walks to work, very frustrating. It is priority as soon as we have any spare cash, it would transform all our lives if I could drive.

If you really can't have a car though, it is do-able, just not as convenient. I find that my friends who can drive think you need a car to get places when you don't, and think it's unreasonable to have a bus ride and a 20 min walk, say, to get to a farm park. It is just normal for me because I've never driven.

SuzzieScotland · 18/04/2014 10:17

I hire cars from hertz for about 10 a day.

Just do that for school holidays.

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