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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to not tell DD to change?

69 replies

Catloverandmum · 16/04/2014 17:18

My 21 year old DD has severe anxiety and depression as a result of an incident in her teenage years. She also has low confidence and self-esteem which we're slowly working on building up.

Today I asked her to go the corner shop and then to take MILs dog for a walk. Both times she went out wearing her bfs navy blue v neck jumper which he gave her to help her feel safe and reassured when they can't be together due to him working. It seems to be working, although it's a little bit to big for her!

Anyway, when was out with MILs dog my SIL saw her and realised she was wearing P's jumper. She text me and told me that I should tell her not to wear it in public, as people might think she has "issues" or that we're too poor to afford proper fitting clothes for her.

I told SIL to leave her alone, and that I was willing to support my daughter to get better, even if that means she dresses slightly oddly for awhile.

The jumper is similar to this one www.clothingattesco.com/knitwear/f+f-asnew-v-neck-jumper/invt/es412103&bklist=icat,4,shop,catgmens,mens-knitwear.

WIBU or should I ask DD to take it off next time I send her on a confidence building exercise to buy me bread?

OP posts:
NurseyWursey · 16/04/2014 17:20

She can wear what the hell she likes and good on you for sticking up for her. Your SIL obviously doesn't understand what your daughter is going through.

We find comfort through strange things. When I have low times I wear my real dads jumper - I say real dad because he died when I was a baby, my 'dad' is my stepdad who brought me up. I also get a bit obsessed with watching Mrs Marple - but it's my way of coping.

It's nice your daughter has found something that brings her comfort. And it won't be forever. When she builds on her confidence and esteem she won't need it - it'll be something she looks back on

tshirtsuntan · 16/04/2014 17:21

Of course she shouldn't change, tell sil to naff off! Hope your daughter feels better soon (you sound like a lovely mum Flowers)

rinabean · 16/04/2014 17:21

I don't understand this thread. Where do you live? It's a jumper. Lots of women wear oversized jumpers anyway. "Issues"? I don't understand! YANBU at all? I don't understand why you're ceding to your SIL that it's weird at all?

itiswhatitiswhatitis · 16/04/2014 17:23

Tell SIL to butt the hell out and that if she dares make a comment about to your daughter you will suffocate her to death with the offending jumper.

Your dd's boyfriend sounds sweet on a side note

NCISaddict · 16/04/2014 17:24

Good Heavens, my DD who is 22 would happily wear that out, no one her age would think it odd at all. Anyway your DD can wear what she likes even if people did think it odd.
Your SIL is way out of touch, we don't have to wear hat and gloves now to go and get bread, it's not 1950 anymore.

ftmsoon · 16/04/2014 17:24

YANBU, I think your SIL is being ridiculous. No one will even bat an eyelid at what your DD is wearing, let alone think why she's wearing it. Also 'boyfriend' style clothes were very in not long ago and I 'borrowed' my DH's stuff (& still do!).

Gileswithachainsaw · 16/04/2014 17:24

What business is it of anyone's.??

She can and should wear what she likes

manicinsomniac · 16/04/2014 17:25

eh? YANBU, how ridiculous.

It's fashionable anyway (or it was, I'm not sure if the craze has gone or not). Shops were even selling jumpers and jeans that were far too big for the size they were labelled as and calling them 'boyfriend fit'!

KoalaFace · 16/04/2014 17:25

Tell SIL to wind her neck in.

Sounds like you, DD and her BF are doing wonders in building her confidence. Thanks

Suefla62 · 16/04/2014 17:25

Good for you. Let her wear it. My DD has problems with depression and anxiety and she loves to wear my Dads sweater. She also has a locket with his picture that she wears all the time. Dads been gone for many years now but DD says she feels like he's watching over her and then she feels safe.

madwomanbackintheattic · 16/04/2014 17:25

Why is her wearing an oversize men's jumper odd at 21?

I spent about ten years doing that in teens/ early 20s... And still do now, at mid-40s. I don't give two tiny hoots.

What a completely weird thread. What is she supposed to be wearing to walk the dog? Twinset and pearls?

BerylStreep · 16/04/2014 17:26

Blank the SIL.

It doesn't warrant a response.

Sunnydaysablazeinhope · 16/04/2014 17:26

Sorry. She's wearing just an oversized jumper? How's that 'weird'? Sounds a huge non event to me!

Toizzy · 16/04/2014 17:27

Sil should mind her own business.It's not Important what your DD looks like , what's important is how she's doing.If the jumper helps her that's all that matters.

WilsonFrickett · 16/04/2014 17:28

Your SIL sounds like an arse, frankly. What business is it of hers?

BookABooSue · 16/04/2014 17:28

YANBU - telling your dd to change would massively dent her confidence and there is nothing wrong with wearing her bf's jumper. Tell your sil to mind her own business and make sure she won't make any similar comments to your dd.

OnlyLovers · 16/04/2014 17:31

Suggest to your SIL that she a) leaves you and your daughter alone and b) gets a life.

This is about the biggest non-issue I've come across in DONKEYS. Honestly.

And well done for sticking up for your daughter so robustly. You sound like a great parent.

Ploppy16 · 16/04/2014 17:33

I have a big fleecy jumper of DH's that he lent to me during a particularly rough time I was having years ago. We'd been together around a month at that point. 19 years and 3 children later I still wear it both inside and out of the house Smile. It still makes me feel good to wear it.
Your SIL needs to butt out.

WishUponAStar88 · 16/04/2014 17:33

SIL is being ridiculous, nothing wrong with her wearing an oversized jumper. Her bf sounds lovely too!

Original poster
Catloverandmum · 16/04/2014 17:33

My SIL is a strange person, all prim and proper etc. I'm assuming she thinks that DD wearing the jumper might make her more liable to having comments made about her. But tbh DD's confidence is so low that I don;t think she'd care. She's getting there slowly though, with me, DS, her boyfriend and a counsellor all on side to help her.

isitwhat he is sweet, they've been together for 2years and he's always buying her little things or gently trying to encourage her. I hope they'll be together for a long time not bad looking either so they;d have beautiful children

OP posts:
Thouneedsbedamned · 16/04/2014 17:35

Your SIL is a prize twat. Ignore her.

I'm pleased your DD has found something that helps her feel more confident OP. I bet you are chuffed for her.

Canus · 16/04/2014 17:38

How odd of your SIL.

I have bought quite a few jumpers like that one from the mens department of Marks and Spencer - I wear them all the time.

Nomama · 16/04/2014 17:38

Tell your SIL to sod off.

How do such people manage to survive daily life?

HillyHolbrook · 16/04/2014 17:38

I have a jumper just like that in black, nobody thinks I look like I have issues.Confused or are plain, comfy clothes for poor people now?Hmm

I used to wear DPs tshirts all the time too when we didn't live together. I had horrible anxiety and wearing his things was a comfort and meant I could actually sleep at night or walk to the shops without panicking. You would have BU to make her change out of something she's happy in and comforted by. Does your SIL know about her anxiety?

SystemIDUnknown · 16/04/2014 17:40

I often wear one of dh's hoodies on a weekend, which are about 3 sizes too big.

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