AIBU to ask another mum not to hit her small child?

[Marylou2]

Just that really. Whatever his alleged misdemeanor he was about 2 and she grabbed him and hit him several times on his arms and back. It was in the children's department of Next.I asked her to stop hitting him which to be fair she did so she could start screaming at me to mind my own business. What would you have done?

[ifyourehoppyandyouknowit]

So using your analogy if there was a man of say 30 with severe SN and he needed help with putting shoes on, brushing his teeth etc and had an aversion to these tasks would it be ok to smack him? Think you'd probably end up with a criminal record.

There are all kinds of guidelines on what you would actually be able to do in these situations. Could you hold an adult with SN down and brush their teeth against their will? Could you refuse to let them out without shoes on? Would probably depend on their individual circumstances and abilities. But if I made my child wash his face against his will, that wouldn't automatically be child abuse, even though arguably there is no real need for him to do it.

Child abuse is not just smacking a child because they grabbed a bottle of perfume in a shop and smashed it.

[MinesaMess]

It is illegal to hit a child on the head or shake them. Anywhere else on the body seems to be fair game. However the 'chastisment' has to be deemed reasonable in response to the child actions, so if the child hasn't actually done anything then it could be deemed assault.
Well done for saying something OP, I can't believe anyone would stand by and watch a toddler being repeatedly assaulted.
Hitting a child is never ok.

[Greyhound]

If the shop has CCTV might be worth reporting her to SS? If she does that in a shop, what does she do to the poor child at home?

We all have our limits, but that was an attack on a defenceless child :(

[Davsmum]

I never understand when parents defend themselves for hitting or shouting at a child.
Neither is right
Stress, anger, frustration are all excuses not justifiable reasons.

We are all human and I suppose we all may do some or all of them - but the least we could do is to admit its our own fault! It is not the child's fault.
Everyone has a 'reason' for their behaviour and some people need help but to find smacking a 2 year old child acceptable is baffling.

[Rinoachicken]

If I saw a child being repeatedly smacked like the OP describes then I wouldn't be able to do nothing.

Not sure what I would do though. Mainly because if I called the police, unless I knew who she was how would they find her? She's surely have gone by the time they arrived? I could stalk them until the police arrived I suppose...

Has anyone done this? How does it work? Would be good to know for future reference.

[IAmNotAMindReader]

Ring the shop and ask if they have the cctv then inform the police and social services what she did was so far beyond reasonable chastisement its unreal.

This doesn't mean she will have the child whipped away from her but she may well be given alternatives via parenting classes. Some people are rather stuck in the emotions of the moment and don't realise how bad their behaviour is and sometimes it takes an outside agency to shake them back to normality.

[Rinoachicken]

CCTV, hadn't thought of that!

[EvansOvalPiesYumYum]

IamNotaMindReader - that is the most sensible post yet!

[Cupid5tunt]

I can't actually argue this point with your further. I find your attitude disgusting. Thankfully so do the majority.

[RedFocus]

I am amazed how so many people would just walk past a toddler being smacked repeatedly.
How people just say "it's none of my business"
How they feel it's acceptable to smack a child but if a husband slapped his wife he would be arrested and she would leave him (you'd hope)
I can't stand smacking or any physical punishment and feel that kids should be just as protected as adults from physical abuse.

[WTFlike]

Has an advocate of hitting children, ever, as a result of one these threads decided to stop hitting their kids? Doubt it.

Poor kids. Somethings's gone very wrong if you have to hurt them to get them to listen to you.

[ifyourehoppyandyouknowit]

Saying that I don't think it's a good thing to use smacking as a form of discipline but that I don't think it is child abuse (and the law agrees) is disgusting to you? Just to be clear?

[Kendodd]

Hitting a child is never ok.

Yes I agree.

I also think it isn't necessarily child abuse to hit a child.

You hear plenty of people say they were hit as children and it never did them any harm. If you ban hitting though you send a clear message and a big red line that hitting isn't okay. You don't have the ambiguous is it/isn't it abusive situation so you also cover the stuff that is abusive but might (just) be judged okay under the law.

IMO is is okay to judge. It seems to me that law follows public opinion rather than leads it. For example DV laws, it used to be okay to hit your wife, public opinion turned against it, the law followed. I think the same is happening with hitting children.

Even the hitting that doesn't harm children, arguably even works, well, the other option, not hitting them is NEVER abuse.

[Davsmum]

"Poor kids. Somethings's gone very wrong if you have to hurt them to get them to listen to you."
------------

Well said WTFlike

[eightandthreequarters]

I think you were right to say something. She should know that it's not acceptable to hit your child and that if you do it in public, someone may call you out. I doubt it will have any effect on what she does in private, but at least it will spare the child the humiliation of having it happen in front of others. Small victory.

[EvansOvalPiesYumYum]

eightandthreequarters - isn't that worse though? Driving it behind closed doors?

[Cupid5tunt]

You may say it's not a good thing but your posts have been defending the choice for adults to use this method of discipline.

So, hitting children, the people who do and the people who defend it as a parenting choice even if they say they don't condone it disgust me. Just to be clear.

[fuckoffbeaker]

I think you should mind your own business.

How people choose to discipline their children (within the law) is up to them.



this

[fuckoffbeaker]

She should know that it's not acceptable to hit your child


In your opinion. Lots of the issues on here could easily be prevented if the mother had the gumption to give a firm tap on the backside occasionally, instead of wringing her hands and sniffing into her hanky :)

[Lottapianos]

I'm sure this is news to you, but there is actually a middle ground between physically assaulting a child and 'wringing your hands'.

In your opinion, is it acceptable to hit a child? And is the parent's right to 'choose how to parent' their child more important than that child's right not to be hit?

[Birdsighland]

It's all a bit sad, isn't it? Yes, it's within the law in Britain. However, in a lot of countries, it would be outside the law and you'd find yourself having to answer a few questions.

[Kendodd]

It so predicable on these threads. The people who think hitting is okay act as if not hitting children means no discipline at all, see wringing her hands and sniffing into her hanky comment. And the other side who think every single smack is child abuse and causes permanent damage.

[NewtRipley]

If I saw a child hit repeatedly, yes, I'd say something.

Oooh yippee, a smacking thread

[levianne]

YANBU.

Marylou2, well done for intervening. Personally, I'm a bit creeped out by all the posters here saying you should have minded your own business. Seeing a kid hurt in public is everybody's business.

[NewtRipley]

has "sniffing into your hanky" replaced "clutching pearls?"