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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

for being annoyed at a shop cashier for suggesting I was rude for ommiting please

55 replies

SuzzieScotland · 14/04/2014 13:55

Just bought a bottle of bleach from a shop, said "can I have a carrier bag" he replied with "please? Good manors don't cost anything.." I was stunned and replied "indeed".

He offered the other two people before me a bag, even though they had small items but didn't for me, and never seams to. Maybe its something to do with age as I look quite young.

He said "next customer " and "place your card in the machine" both without a please before that so despite me being very big on mannors I didn't feel the need to ask him for a bag with a please.

OP posts:
VampyreofTimeandMemory · 14/04/2014 14:27

when customers are rude to me, I seethe silently rather than point it out to them. but it makes my blood boil.

AlpacaYourThings · 14/04/2014 14:29

Just annoyed that someone in their 50s felt it was their place to correct maners of someone in their 30s , that still gets id`ed, who is the customer.

WTF has age got to do with it? Hmm

Original poster
SuzzieScotland · 14/04/2014 14:30

Well maybe, I still think its age related. I may have been a bit abrupt, but still think he saw me as an easy target to get some frustration out being young looking and female.

OP posts:
Owllady · 14/04/2014 14:31

I don't believe this happened. I worked as a retail manager for years and staff are just not rude yo the general public unless severely provoked, from my observation. I had someone complain to head office about me once though as she was so aggressive and personal to a young member if staff for a really menial reason, asked to speak to me and tried to rip me a new arseholes too. I said I was unwilling to deal with her. She screamed why?! I said, because she was so rude. (Everything you are told not to do) she went red and left and I got a phone call later. I can't think of any other time I was rude to a customer. Yes the public can be challenging, but most people in customer facing roles have the ability to stay calm.

AlpacaYourThings · 14/04/2014 14:36

You have no reason to think its age related. Your posts are becoming quite ageist and sexist.

Just because he was an older male you automatically think he is treating you unfavourably because you are a "younger looking female"

Hmm
Original poster
SuzzieScotland · 14/04/2014 14:38

Tbh I think that because the way he treats other customers, its a a small place and I've been served by him a lot and notice the way he treats people.

OP posts:
SelfconfessedSpoonyFucker · 14/04/2014 14:50

yes, maybe you weren't overly polite, but I think the correction was ruder.

comicsansisevil · 14/04/2014 14:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

justmuddlingalong · 14/04/2014 14:59

I wonder what nickname the staff call you behind your back, because trust me they'll have one. Most arsey customers get one!

JingletsJangletsYellowBanglets · 14/04/2014 15:04

He should have offered you a bag (like the previous customers.) He didn't. He wasn't doing his job correctly and when you pull him on it and ask for a bag, he berates you for not saying please? What the actual fuck.

No, sorry, I don't get to be an arse to clients because I'm having a shit day. Why does he?

Original poster
SuzzieScotland · 14/04/2014 15:05

Ha I'd like to think I'm unique enough for a nickname. Probably stroppy something, as I'm often dashing in there on lunch break rushing about.

OP posts:
emms1981 · 14/04/2014 15:31

You should have said please. I worked in a shop for over 12 years and the one thing I hated was rude customers!

NeedsAsockamnesty · 14/04/2014 15:41

If you were younger I would think it was an age thing.

It pisses me off when people think its ok to talk to teenagers in a way that would be very rude if done to an adult

AdeleNazeem · 14/04/2014 15:53

how much was the bleach? you said you paid by card? I think some shop assts get frustrated with cards used for small purchases

But I agree with others, I say please automatically, and in actual fact I think if I'm faced with an assistant who doesn't say their ps and qs I usually emphasise it all the more.

I get very irritated by rude shop assistants myself, go out of my way to be polite as an example, but I will walk out of a shop and not purchase something if I feel the service is bad. making a point that way! (Usually is more if a nuisance to me, but I'm stubborn like that!!! Grin)

WitchWay · 14/04/2014 16:01

I think you ought to have said Please, unless you had said May I have a carrier bag? which is more polite than Can I? & wouldn't necessarily need a Please. Still better with a Please though.

Rude of him to tick you off about it, however.

WitchWay · 14/04/2014 16:02

Did you say Thank You for it BTW? I sometimes ask May I? without saying Please but ALWAYS say thank you (very much), that's great/super/something similar with a nice smile properly at them.

NadiaWadia · 14/04/2014 16:25

I would normally say please, but sometimes in a rushed interaction it really depends on the tone of voice. If you didn't ask in a demanding abrupt tone, then I don't see what his problem was, especially if as you say he hadn't been using 'please' himself to other customers before you.

Unless you had just insulted him, his family, or other customers, he certainly shouldn't be taking it upon himself to 'correct' customers' manners anyway, not very professional of him. He sounds very self-important.

YourMaNoBraBackOfMyCar · 14/04/2014 16:50

Just say your pleases and thank yous. Be the bigger person. Someone being a knob in revenge for someone else being a knob is a really knobbish thing to do. Show them how it's done and not what they did.

posthumus · 14/04/2014 16:50

"Please" can sound quite rude to me, so I tend to avoid it sometimes. "Can I have a carrier, please." can imply "You forgot to give me a CARRIER." In the same way as "Excuse me..." can sound quite querulous and aggressive: "Stop chatting and serve me!" or "What do you think you're doing?"

NadiaWadia · 14/04/2014 17:02

Exactly, posthumus. 'Please' and 'excuse me' can sound quite aggressive. It is all in the tone of voice, and since we can't get a playback of the incident on here, I would be inclined to assume the OP was not, in fact, being rude. I think the shop assistant probably was, though.

MistressDeeCee · 14/04/2014 17:05

I dont think he needed to berate you in this way as although it may have sounded abrupt he should actually have offered you a carrier bag, as he did the customers in front of you. You are purchasing from him - he isn't purchasing from you. He was probably in a mood - which isn't to say he should be taking that out on you anyway. You probably do look quite young; if you looked older, you wouldn't be spoken to in this way I've seen that happen many a time. Either way, he is very rude.

MistressDeeCee · 14/04/2014 17:06

Forgot to add - he probably wouldn't have said that to a man either

MelonadeAgain · 14/04/2014 18:18

Its impossible to tell with certainty whether he was rude or you were rude. Or whether he has some personal irrational attitude problem with you (which is entirely possible).

But I would always tend to add "please" onto the end of asking for a carrier bag.

smartypants1000 · 14/04/2014 18:25

You were both rude. I'd have thought you were rude for not saying please. But pointing out bad manners is also bad manners. In your shoes I'd have been embarrassed (because he was right and you were rude) rather than indignant.

CheesyBadger · 14/04/2014 18:26

You may have been the straw that broke the camel's back. Maybe he had a succession of rude customers.

You should have said please really and sucked it up when he commented.