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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is a bit odd...

65 replies

ACockerSpanielCalledJarvis · 11/04/2014 16:13

NC for this.

I met a guy while on a night out. Went home with him (hoist the judgy pants to your hearts content)

Anyway, he has been texting and calling since. I've spoken to him on the phone and through text but it's getting a bit much.

As in, if he phones and I don't answer he sends a text asking me to phone. And then another text asking what I'm up to, then phones again.

He seemed on the face of it like a good guy, good company, same sense of humour as me etc but the texts a phonecall's are bordering on obsessive.

Last night after sending a message saying goodnight he then sent a picture of his face Confused no caption just a picture, followed by another 3 messages saying goodnight.

I'm not losing it am I? This isn't normal behaviour in the dating world these days is it?

Now before anyone say's it, no I probably shouldn't have spent the night with him but it was a bit of fun. I'm not really asking if it was stupid to go home with a guy I don't know from Adam, it is but it's done and dusted.

What do I say to this guy? Or do I just say nothing and hope he'll eventually stop texting/phoning/sending photographs.

OP posts:
WhateverLover · 11/04/2014 16:14

He definitely sounds a bit mental. I would just stop replying and hope he gets the message.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 11/04/2014 16:15

Stop responding. I have recently experienced a man like this. I have ignored him. He was a total creep.

Cigarettesandsmirnoff · 11/04/2014 16:17

LEG IT!!

PeaceLillyDoge · 11/04/2014 16:17

Massive red flag. Definitely not normal behavior!

I'd ignore him and stop responding.

He sounds needy and clingy, neither of which are good qualities in anyone!

MaxsMummy2012 · 11/04/2014 16:17

Confused no you're not being paranoid that does sound obsessive, if it were me I'd be blunt and text back saying it aint gonna happen again buddy so jog on - can your phone provider block his number?

Andanotherthing123 · 11/04/2014 16:17

Run like the wind.

missknows · 11/04/2014 16:17

Sounds like he really likes you and probably thinks you like him. If you don't (and it sounds like it from your post) why don't you just tell him you aren't interested in seeing him again? If you do like him, maybe arrange to meet him again but tell him he doesn't need to text/call so often and see what happens.

hashtagwhatever · 11/04/2014 16:18

Depends on what you want from him?

If you do want to carry on seeing him minus the photo face messages. Just be straight and tell him its a tad ott.

If you want nothing more from him send one text explaing thanks but no thanks and answer no more of his calls/ texts.

MirandaGoshawk · 11/04/2014 16:18

So you don't want to see him again? Then tell him! "Thanks, but it was just a bit of fun and I'm not looking for a ltr" hope the poor sod doesn't feel used If you don't tell him, how will he know? He's not psychic, obviously.

SmashleyHop · 11/04/2014 16:19

Oh I've dated a few like this- One coffee date and he's already got places picked for the honeymoon!! Best bet if you are truly not into him is be blunt and block. Otherwise they take any thing else to mean "There's a chance!"

rainbowfeet · 11/04/2014 16:19

Ah as a singleton of quite a few years I long for a bit of attention & affection but not this much!!! Shock

Defiantly a bit needy & intense to say the least!!

formerbabe · 11/04/2014 16:22

Oh god, in my single days, I met guys like this. So intense and creepy. I used to run a mile and glad I did!

Original poster
ACockerSpanielCalledJarvis · 11/04/2014 16:23

missknowns It's actually not that I don't like him, I do like him just not this weird creepy borderline obsessive behaviour. I guess if that's the "real him" then you're right I don't like it or him.

To start with I kind of thought he was just showing he was interested but there is a line to be drawn and I think he's crossed it.

I haven't responded to any messages today but he said earlier in the week he was out tonight so I'm thinking they might step up a notch. They might not of course.

OP posts:
Original poster
ACockerSpanielCalledJarvis · 11/04/2014 16:26

MirandaGoshawk

I really wanted to see him again, until this. This is off putting.

Rainbow

I know, I'm the same. The first day he phoned and text once. Second he text a couple of times and we were arranging to go out on a proper date and then third it started going down hill and has continued to go down ever since.

OP posts:
SelectAUserName · 11/04/2014 16:28

Heed the warning, OP. This is who he is.

Send him a text saying you had a nice time but you aren't looking for a relationship, so let's call it a day before it goes any further. Then don't respond no matter how many times he calls / texts. Block his number and move on.

Original poster
ACockerSpanielCalledJarvis · 11/04/2014 16:32

Heed the warning, OP. This is who he is.

Yes, unfortunately I would have to say I agree. The problem is we've already said about a date etc so saying I'm not looking for anything is quite obviously a lie. I wasn't looking but was open to something developing further.

Is sending a text saying "You seem like a really nice guy but you're a bit full on and it scares the fucking shit out of me, so let's leave it here." too harsh?

I'm not quite sure how to word a polite text which is why I have been a complete coward and ignored, ignored, ignored today!

OP posts:
SlimJiminy · 11/04/2014 16:42

Hmm... I think if you liked him in the right way you would find the calls, texts, contact, etc flattering. If I look back at how me and DH were at the start (including going back to his on the first night) the only difference between his actions and that of a creep over the next few weeks/months was that they were welcomed. Loads of texting, calls, etc, but he gave me butterflies and that was massively significant. Better to let him down gently now before things go any further. Don't settle for anything less than butterflies :-)

SelectAUserName · 11/04/2014 16:43

Just say you had a nice time but you've changed your mind about anything more, so let's end it now rather than waste his time.

BitOutOfPractice · 11/04/2014 16:44

If you feel uncomfortable, then that's enough to call it a day.

Are you likely to bump into him again?

Original poster
ACockerSpanielCalledJarvis · 11/04/2014 16:46

SlimJiminy You might be right. It's just not me at all. A couple of texts a day or a phone call great but not this amount. I've been married and had another serious relationship before my marriage and wouldn't have welcomed this level of contact with either of them either.

He's text again, this one just asking if I've had a nice day so I am going to respond and see if there is an opening to let him down. Or maybe I should just come right out with it?

OP posts:
Original poster
ACockerSpanielCalledJarvis · 11/04/2014 16:48

BitOutOfPractice It's quite possible. Should learn to exercise a bit of self restraint in future! In my defence it had been over a year, I wasn't really thinking practically.

OP posts:
BolshierAyraStark · 11/04/2014 16:49

This would drive me insane & I'd have been pretty blunt with him by now & told him to fuck off, but I have zero patience. He sounds needy as fuck which, for me, is a huge turn off, just text him & say the ONS was fun but that's simply all it was.

Polonius · 11/04/2014 16:50

Romantic gestures are determined nice or weird by how they are received. Some woman my love 1,000,000 texts per second, but you don't, and that's all that matters. Either say something, albeit jokingly, or run!

Goldmandra · 11/04/2014 16:51

Just come right out with it. It's kinder and leaves no room for misunderstandings.

TheReluctantCountess · 11/04/2014 16:56

You need to tell him. He obviously thinks you are in a relationship together.