To hate potty training with a passion?

[Pollycracker]

It doesn't help that I started DD on the potty a week ago today then this week I've got ill and DP is working away. But I'm slowly going insane.

I HATED potty training DS so I've put this off as long as possible, even though DD is extremely bright in all areas. She's 3 in 4 weeks, so I'm not exactly starting too early.

On her first day, she was fantastic. I expected accidents galore but she barely had any and weed and pooed in the potty/toilet.

Since then it's been downhill! She hasn't actually wet herself for 2 days, but every day since Saturday she's shit herself. She hasn't done one poo in the potty, and now almost refuses to use the toilet.

I ask her every 5 minutes if she needs a wee or a poo, and take her to the potty every 15-30 minutes. But she'll just shit herself regardless. Then she'll come and tell me with a smile on her face, or says she wanted to poo in her knickers, so it's as if she's doing it on purpose!

I can't stand it any more. We're normally so close but I'm feeling really angry towards her about this :( her grandma has taken her for the afternoon as I've got two other DC and still feel poorly.

It's rubbish!

She is ready but ye gods you must be irritating the hell out of her- every five mins nagging and every half hour dragging her butt to the pot ... No surprises she's playing ' bog off mummy'.
Leave the potty visible to her and when you pee suggest she tries . Read a book to her if you know she due . Stop making it sound so traumatic . It's just poo and wee !

Hopping - I know it doesn't!! That's why I said/the nursery said she's advanced in every area EXCEPT potty training. She's been showing signs of being ready for about a year now but I didn't want to do it tbh - and certainly didnt want to do it early.

Trash - trust me, I want to stop. I really do. But it has been a week now; I feel I can't give mixed messages and put her back in nappies? I started this cos I was sick of the shitty nappies. She seems to be good about staying dry, touch wood.

Plu - sorry, input in which area? Unsure what you mean. But you've hit the nail on the head - we're both bored to death of me asking her every 5 minutes. You can tell she's thinking "shut up mother!" I'm just scared that if I don't, she'll wet herself. Yet on her first day of training she was engrossed in drawing then got up and ran to the potty excitedly telling me she needed a wee. I want that child back again!

Walton - I'm definitely feeling it more because I'm feeling ill myself; not bedridden this time but still feel like crap. Haven't even showered for 2 days I don't mind wee in her pants as such, it's just the shite!

Aaha, you've become shitsitized! This too will pass my lovely.... Although, a week is nothing if it's going to continue for months like last time. Personally, I don't think it is such a mixed message - I think it's important to have flexibility - and also, whats wrong with pull ups? that way she can choose to use the toilet. I think that's the fundamental key for me - she should choose when it's right for her to use the toilet. As a kid, there is very little actual control over what happens to you. On this occasion, you can hand her back the power. 'You know what? Mummy made a mistake, and I think you can tell me if you want to use the potty/toilet - or not' I would put money on if she's ready, she'll do it herself. Even if she is going to use the potty you still have to deal with the turds, and the wiping. It's unavoidable I'm afraid.

Ok op.
If something isn't working , change the way you do it . Tomorrow is the new day . Don't mention it at all , just make a big thing of choosing the pants and outfit for the day . Get her dolly and tell the dolly here's your potty when you need it ; leave it it the hall near the bog . Tell dolly to help you choose a book to leave near the potty . Now bugger off and get breakfast . When dd has her first accident you clear up calmly and say 'don't worry doesn't matter ' . Cuddle don't reprimand . Clear up together even , get dolly on board too .
Do not nag at all . Tell her when you are going and ask if she or dolly would like to join you . No no no negativity at all .
Keep up in this way until she does either ask or manage to get one in . It will happen and then you need to sing and dance with dolly and her and whoop it up . Let her feel your love .

Spend time with her when she's trying , never wander off and abandon her to it , unless she wants you to .
Get dolly at it too , dolly can have accidents that your dd needs to clear up .
Stop making this so painful . It's fun if you let it be . Even your terminology I find really negative - toddler poo isn't 'shit'.
There , that's my lecture done . Now you can bitch about me cos I'm off to bed . Dd2 has a urine infection - normally dry day and night but leaking like a hair net currently . Peppa pig pants are on overtime !

Oh and get well soon ( ill with kids is HELL)

ds stayed in pull-ups for ages after being trained for wee. he finally cracked the pooing in the potty in less than a day when he chose. he had been going to nursery in pants and never pooed.

can you try pull-ups as a compromise. bribery for clean pullups. saves stress. means you can be all laid back and "not care" (i would have had several months of cleaning poo out of pants if not. he was just not ready)

people used to comment on the pull-ups. I used to tell them it was not them that was going to be cleaning toddler diarrhoea out of the sofa.

mine would not perform for a mere chocolate button
they needed BIG bribes in the early days - more like a whole chocolate biscuit or a fun-sized chocolate bar

you only need 3-4 days of chocolate-motivated success before you've embedded a new habit and can swap the chocs for stickers, so no need to worry about early onset diabetes. leave 'em in a glass jar well in sight and well out of reach.

Well today has been horrendous and I ended up putting her back in a pull up (she often wore those anyway). First she weed in them while telling me then she said she wanted to have a wee and went and had one. I feel like I cant do this right now, but then she went and did that. So I don't know.

Will this work with pull ups instead of knickers? I liked the dolly idea. Is it all sort it though if she isn't wearing pants? Or should I wait until summer?

I think I've got pmt as well which is brilliant as I keep bursting into tears. She's been very naughty today which she never is. Drew all over the floor, ripped the stair gate off the wall. It has to be connected to the potty training somehow?! She's normally laid back and lovely.

If I wasn't poorly I'd be having a stiff drink right now...

Worth it* not sort it

You sound on the edge of having had enough( been there and visit often!).
I actually think you need to back off from this for a week or two as its now becoming an emotional stress for you both . Can you hold off until your partner is at home too ? Moral support and practical support - I spent ages reading whilst they tried to do a poo .
Give yourselves a break - and tackle it when your pmt monster has passed !

Oh and buy lined pants - mother care do some fairly cheaply . These are a great halfway house . They feel like pants but catch the worst of it . They don't absorb as much as a nappy and so the child can feel damp . My dc wore these periodically from 9 months do get used to the feel .

DS spent some time on the loo a few times with my tablet and some games to keep him occupied. Made the action of using the loo a bit less fraught and a bit more interesting.

I started by offering DD a sticker when she used the potty, but that didn't seem to work. So I've switched to chocolate buttons - and that does seem to be working for us. We actually put a chocolate button on the coffee table and said 'you can have that when you do a wee or poo in the potty'. I think seeing the chocolate button helped.

Extremely bright in all areas? Really? Is she in the top 1 pct? And how are you qualified to judge?

Whats wrong with a mother saying her child is bright? How does this offend you?

Darling I don't think this is any thing to do with potty training...it is because you are feeling poorly. She can sense things are not ok with you at the moment. Walton had the right idea...and I would go a step further. I would put her back in nappies with a 'It doesn't matter but maybe your not quite big enough yet'. Please don't get upset. My friend had a very huge battle with pooing and her DD (when older) said she did it in her knickers deliberately cos she got mum mad!! it was the only thing she could control.

Cowboys with horses did it for dgs1. A cowboy for a wee on the potty and his horse for a poo! I brought a huge bag of cheap plastic ones back from holiday and it was sorted by the time the bag was empty. Is there any small toy she would love to collect?

I'd stop for now. Potty training is the pits - the low point of parenting - if you are feeling ill too, it must be hell. I'd just stop, remove all the pressure, and start some time in the future. Maybe she will even ask to if she see friends using the loo/potty.

Give up, & try again in a month or so.

It's become a battle of wills between you & its not going to work.

You need to take the pressure off & try again another time, I think.

Here, sit down & have some & & sympathy.

YANBU, potty training is really hard work. Tantrums and toilet training is a bloody hard stage to get through, and being ill with PMT on top ... Eeesh you must be feeling absolutely wrung out by now.

For DD we used

• Poo goes to pooland
• one choc button for a wee and two for a poo
• A sticker chart lasting a month with a pic of the much wanted pram on it which she got once she cracked it.

Oohh thank you everyone (excepting the strange person who wants me to dig out percentages), really really sweet :)

Well I put her back in nappies. It was too stressful and I'm going to ignore nursery for now. Ironically as soon as I did she started announcing she needed a wee and then running off to do one! I'm going to keep her in pull ups, but if she ever wants to use the toilet, that's fine.

She does need a new (toy) pram as hers broke; at could be a good prize!

This morning it's as if I've snapped back to who I was. The virus/whatever the hell it was has gone (touch wood) and I don't feel pmt-ish. I haven't shouted or cried once and I've actually had a nice day with the DC! So to the PP who said this was all down to me being ill, they were right. Although I still maintain potty training is torture, and I'm dreading having to start again :(

Oh and I did have cake... And lots of it

That's a good idea actually. Thank you x

Hmm will have a think re pram...