Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask - how your parents gave you 'the talk'?

140 replies

Cigarettesandsmirnoff · 10/04/2014 19:27

No one actually gave me 'the talk' but after visiting my 82 year old granny, some how We got on the topic of introducing sex education early in schools.

She thought it shouldn't happen - kids should be 'left to be innocent'.

She told me that her talk with 'her boys' (df and two uncles) consisted of..

'Seeing two dogs at it and when asked why they were fighting? Replied with, 'there not - he's giving her puppies !'

She was happy that they would have had the connection.

Shock

I replied with, "well maybe he (df) should have had early sex education - then him and mum wouldn't have had a shot gun wedding at 17!"

Im aghast !

Two dogs at it!!!

FFS !!

Were yours this bad??

OP posts:
littledrummergirl · 10/04/2014 22:23

I dont remember the talk, I do remember the teenage boy who was moving and told me that if I wanted to give him a proper kiss goodbye, I should go into the woods wirh him, lie down and take my knickers offShock
I was nine years old!
I didnt.
I remember watching a video about Cathy? Who had a baby and putting condoms on cucumbers in school, oh and a lesson where we had to discuss what words meant what. I think I was such an innocent because I had an excruciatingly embarrassing conversation with my dm about 69.
When I had my first serious relationship, dm advice was "make sure he books a nice hotel room and treats you well as it is something you will always remember".
I love my dm Smile

DinoSnores · 10/04/2014 22:24

I don't ever remember being sat down for a Big Talk but I remember chatting to my mum about periods before I was 11 (I remember which house we lived in when I was asking her about tampons, she was in the bath, funny the sort of things you remember!)

I'm planning on taking a similar approach with my DC, answering questions when they come up, making it all part of normal conversation. DS is 3yo but he's already asked, for example, why girls don't have a penis & why DH & I have hair places he doesn't. That said, as I am pregnant with DC4, he has told me has a baby in his tummy as well!

Kundry · 10/04/2014 22:35

Can't remember as I was very young - I can't remember not knowing.

Apparently when I was 5 we went to the Natural History Museum in the Human Body section I had a good look at the models of a naked man and woman and declared loudly 'So that's how it's done'. DM and DF tried to pretend I belonged to someone else.

I think the destroying innocence argument is bollocks - I was far more innocent than others at my school. I can also remember when everyone else at school (age about 9-10) had the talk as the playground was awash with smut. I was totally mystified as I couldn't see what was so fascinating or forbidden about sex and thought they were all rather boring.

My DM is from Denmark where apparently her way of doing 'the talk' is the norm.

Joysmum · 11/04/2014 00:16

I was never given 'the talk' and my dd won't get 'the talk' either.

Things get discussed in everyday life as they arrise, usually through Eastenders or Neighbours. I think if a specific talk is required I've failed. I never needed it, my dd shouldn't either.

Thisvehicleisreversing · 11/04/2014 00:59

My brother told me the basics (man puts willy in lady's fanny) when I was about 6. He would have been 12 so probably just learning at school himself.

I remember asking my mum what sex was when I was a bit older to be told "it's the difference between a man and a woman"

When I asked about periods I was told "ladies bleed where their wee comes out" I was petrified of this happening to me. Thank god for the decent puberty lessons we had at primary school and the brilliant little book we were given. I hid mine under my bed and my mum found it recently when she moved out of our old house. That book was my bible.

Everything else I learnt from Just 17.

CheesyBadger · 11/04/2014 01:06

Didn't have one. Lost virginity at 13 and had very strange ideas about sex and relationships which I am only just tucking into the box of bad memories now.

I will not make the same mistake with dd

Xihha · 11/04/2014 01:15

I have so many little brothers and sisters that I never got the talk, I'd already helped deliver 3 babies before I became interested in boys so that part was pretty unnecessary and my parents don't believe in contraception so I got that part from a midwife when I got pregnant at 15.

Pregnantberry · 11/04/2014 01:17

Mine didn't either.

I once asked my mum when I was little (5 or 6?) how a man and a woman make a baby together and after a pause she told me that it was by kissing.

I was then silently scared of being kissed on the lips for the next year or two in case the culprit impregnated me. Hmm

I was also told very inaccurate things and shown stolen porn mags by male friends in upper primary school which formed all of my sex education until I actually got one in secondary which meant I had some basic misunderstandings like that 'testicles' was the word for pubic hair, for example and had only been exposed to a very male dominated, objectifying view of sex.

As a result I think I will be quite forthcoming with information about sex with my DC when the time comes, which will be when they are old enough to ask questions and understand the answers.

Pregnantberry · 11/04/2014 01:26

Oh, and I was always a little jealous of those girls who could talk about sex and relationships naturally with their mums, and whose mums did sensible things like teach them about contraception and get them on the pill if they needed it. The whole thing was made out to be some kind of dirty shameful secret in our house and it was bad for me.

Monty27 · 11/04/2014 01:28

When I was about 10 the girl up the street told me during a sleepover. She was a different religion to me. I thought she was making it up and remained disturbed for, well a very long time indeed.

That was in the 70's. I never could quite let my hair down about sex ever. So, I don't really know what the answer is.

With my dc's I have brought them up in the same religion as I was, RC, might as well say it. They had sex education at school (modernism) and were able to discuss it with me. I endorsed that sex should belong to love, I still feel that way, however,

I have let dd have 'sleepovers' since she was 17 (she was in love). She had stayed at this boy's house a few times after parties near his house so when they went to a party near ours I naively agreed he could sleep over. They stayed in bed all morning and sunbathed in the afternoon, by which time I realised they were actually lovers Shock I accepted it.

Ds is now 18 I haven't let him have a sleepover yet as his girlfriend is younger and I don't want the responsibility of a parent of a young girl calling me and accusing me of doing something wrong. But he has slept over with his girlfriend's who is only 16, at her dad's house.

They even jibed me during sex education about how I would feel if they were 'gay' [sic]. I told them both I wouldn't give a jot as long as they were happy.

I respect them and they respect me. I would never want them to grow up feeling so wrong about sex as I did. :(

BOFster · 11/04/2014 01:32

It never happened. The most explicit it ever got was, when planning my wedding (I was only 20), I asked my mum "What happens after the church?"..."Oh, I'm sure you don't need me to give you details!". Thanks mum, that's not really what I meant Hmm.

MsVelvet · 11/04/2014 01:35

I was 8yrs old, my mum got a book for kids from the library about sex and how babies are made and we sat and looked through it together. I don't remember being asking about it for her to do that but I'm glad she did, I had sex from the age of 15ish but never got pregnant and was always careful to protect myself and was pretty sensible so I think she did me a massive favour.

TraceyTrickster · 11/04/2014 07:35

I had a much older sister and her puberty was kept a more closely guarded secret than the Enigma Code.
My mother never told me a thing- when I was married and mid 30s she said ' I thought you would have guessed enough by seeing animals'. That was my ex ed from family.

My 7 year old knows more than I did at 16. Not in great detail as she is not ready yet but knows where babies grow/how they get out/ proper names/what sex is (she told me!) and about being naked. I did try to tell her about periods but she is anti blood and being sick, so asked me to stop as it was making her feel ill. And she has worried about it since, so I will not broach periods until she asks me for more info.

Nataleejah · 11/04/2014 07:46

They didn't.

  1. we made our cat have some kittens.
  2. they never hid adult books or magazines. Nothing vulgar, more like "your health" type of material
Namechangeforamo · 11/04/2014 08:41

Irish catholic childhood. Never was mentioed. I did grow up in the country though so seen plenty of cattle in the act.

GoldenGytha · 11/04/2014 09:53

I never got any kind of talk either, not even about periods.

When I was about 12 or so, my mother threw a bag of sanitary towels on my bed "Here, you'll need these one day" Confused

A couple of years later I left a bag of them on my bed, having just bought them, and my mother went mad, "Never leave such things lying about again!, What if your dad had seen them!, it's a cardinal sin!"

So my dad must have grown up with four sisters, and got to his 40's without knowing about periods? Grin

AnneOfCleavage · 11/04/2014 10:32

I was told aged about 7 but just the bare bones (as I was quite young - but DM was telling older sister so I came along so she wouldn't have to say it twice i guess) so I was pretty clueless about the talk in the playground come secondary school Blush

I told DD aged 5 ish as she had asked me twice so didn't want to put her off again but she is now 9 and so I am reading her this great book called 'Let's talk about where babies come from' which is very informative and shows colourful pic's of how the egg meets the sperm etc. It also talks about how our bodies change and girls getting periods and love and relationships.

I definitely want to be open with DD and answer truthfully any question she asks me which I could never do with my religious DM.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 11/04/2014 10:46

I had to the talk from my Dad at 16 (I'm male).

Large glass of single malt, panatella and a mumble of "I presume you know how the bits fit? Good. Remember she's got to have three times the fun. Put the cricket back on".

The day after his funeral, DM remarked that she had lost her best friend "and the only man who could make me bounce off the ceiling".

Which was far too much TMI.

TheKangaroo · 11/04/2014 10:53

My mother never told me, I worked it out from the playground and my older sister tried I guess (pretty hard for her as she had to deal with everything/learn it all herself). Hmm

Defnotsupergirl · 11/04/2014 11:28

I was quite advanced when I was a small child (could read before I got to school) and was told by Mum that if you needed a question answering look it up in the library. I was between 5-6 years old. As no one would give me a straight answer how babies were made, I found out in the school library. Junior section. I then proceeded to tell all my school friends. I wasn't popular with their parents but I can remember wondering what all the fuss was about and why the big secret.......

I can also remember going to the shop to get sanitary protection when I was 10, I told Mum the next day and she said it was OK, she would get that stuff for me. I was also adamant about using tampons straight away. Again, I had read all about them, luckily Mum was happy about that and supported me.

Mum even now says I was quite an odd child 4 going on 40!

TurtleBeach · 11/04/2014 11:29

Sex was not discussed in our household at all.

When I was around 7, my best friend was given a book called "How Babies Are Made". She brought it round to show me and we pored over it in astonishment. My mum found us reading it, I got smacked and a severe warning not to read that kind of rude stuff.

Didn't stop me discovering Judy Blume at 10-ish which was when I first read about periods but completely misunderstood the concept and thought women bled every day without stop until they were 55 and they only way I would be able to keep swimming (which I loved) would be to wear a tampon, which scared me and I just knew my mum would never allow it.

Around this time, my mum once said to me, in the car, randomly as we pulled away from my grandmother's house after a visit. "You know you'll probably get your period soon, that will be the next headache for me to deal with" Yeah, not a picnic for me either mum! That was all that was said and it was made quite clear I wasn't to question her any further. I think that counts as "the talk".

My first period came on two months before my eleventh birthday and I was terrified, partly because of the amount of blood and the pain but because I still thought this is it for the rest of my life and also I just didn't know how to tell my mum. After a day and a half of crying in my room, she finally worked out what had happened and set my mind at ease about it being a monthly thing. She was quite nice about it and bought me sanitary towels but as expected told me I was forbidden from using tampons.

My periods were very heavy and painful but she refused to talk about it, even when teh school nurse sent a letter home saying I should see a doctor. Finally when I was 29, I did something about it and got an endometrioisis diagnosis. Once my dad came thundering into my bedroom to tell me I was disgusting because there was some blood left unflushed in the toilet - he told me if I did that again, he would knock me into the middle of next week.

Later, the only concession to a sex talk was "you're one of those girls that's so stupid, you'll get pregnant as a teenager. Well don't think about coming home here if you do, you'll be on your own". My mum then inadvertently found out about my first sexual relationship just before I turned 17 and threw me out the house for being a slut. I stayed with another relative for three weeks before she let me back in. Then one of my friends got pregnant at 17 and her reaction was "but she was such a good girl, I always assumed you would be the one to do that".

Funnily enough, now I'm 35 she's permanently disappointed in my non-pregnant state. Be careful what you wish for, mother.

At 18 and home from uni for the holidays, I made a GP appointment to discuss contraception. I know, should have done it away from home... One the day of the appointment the receptionist called to say the GP was sick and could she reschedule, only she spoke to my dad. He immediately put two and two together and realised I wasn't sick so it must be a sex thing. He went utterly ballistic at me sneaking around, being a slut.

I have, at times, been sick with envy when I have witnessed other teenagers have such open relationships with their parents about sex and it is with a mixture of sadness and love that I read threads on mumsnet about mothers helping their daughters with their first periods, choosing effective sanpro, giving advice on sex and contraception etc.

GoldenGytha · 11/04/2014 11:31

Grin Disgrace

Not the sort of thing you want to hear from your parents!

Defnotsupergirl · 11/04/2014 11:54

That really saddens me TurtleBeach. It's horrible when parents can't seem to face up to their children just getting to another stage in their growing up. I think if they're old enough to ask a direct question they are old enough to get a direct answer.

Marvintheparanoid · 11/04/2014 12:44

DM wasn't around much. DF was way too embarrassed to say anything. He muttered several times to me about boys having only one thing on their mind, and to umm, you know, sort of not do anything because it never ends well you know? Being a rather naive child I thought he meant boys only like sports, and couldn't figure out what he was asking me not to do. Then I educated myself on some soft porn DB was hiding under his mattress. Turned out okay, but I certainly intend to do it better with DD.

anchovies · 11/04/2014 13:22

My mum was incredibly open and I could (and still do) talk about anything. She was however quite late coming forward with the information as I can remember her trying to talk to me about STDs at some point and it ending with me explaining that wearing a condom isn't going to help if you were receiving oral sex off someone with herpes. She was incredibly put out that I had ruined her big chat! I intend to be exactly the same with my dcs but hopefully slightly better informed Grin