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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to buy or receive any Easter eggs for my children?

98 replies

AJayne48 · 10/04/2014 17:38

I have had a very unhealthy relationship with food my whole life, I am obese and although I have lost 8 stone I have managed to put all of that back on and more.

I am very obsessive about what my children eat and nothing unhealthy passes their lips. My family have expressed there opinion many times letting me know how unfair I am being.

I have told them that I will not accept Easter eggs as I don't want or think my children need them.

I haven't banned everything, cake on birthdays and special occasions they can have something unhealthy but nothing more.

My children will not end up like me and I am doing everything to make sure of that but my family think that I am being extremely rude to say that I am not accepting Easter eggs because they want to buy them some.

AIBU?

OP posts:

NeedsAsockamnesty · 10/04/2014 23:57

I normally come on these threads saying YANBU ,but I agree with pretty much most of the other posters and I'm nicely surprised that you are considering all the very good advice you have been given.

However,I don't see the issue with saying no to bucket loads of eggs.easter has in the last few years got quite silly, a few years back my kids were given almost 30 each it took me 2 trips to the local refuge to get rid of them.

I don't get the need to go over the top like that and I'm never quite sure why other relatives desire to mark occasions is more important than the parents desire

whereisshe · 11/04/2014 00:20

OP I honestly think the best thing you can do for your kids is let food be food. It's not a reward, it's not a punishment, it's not a source of guilt or anxiety. It's just food.

If your DC eat some things it will make them feel unwell (sugar highs/crashes, preservative sweats, etc). Lots of Easter eggs would be in this category! If they eat other things it will make them feel well, as will the enjoyment from cooking and sharing good food. If you can let them see it as just food then they should be equipped to make the right decisions about it.

I think it's really lovely that you're trying to do this for them and give them a good foundation. You sound like a good mum.

Theodorous · 11/04/2014 01:22

How sad

Original poster

AJayne48 · 11/04/2014 07:52

Thank you again for all the advice, I have contacted family and I have apologised for being over the top and I have said that we will welcome Easter eggs if they wish to buy them. If I receive an excessive amount I'll donate them and with the ones that we keep I'll break bits off day by day after dinner and do it like that as that seems to be the 'norm' when it comes to Easter.

I do have issues, I have read books on emotional eating and they don't seem to help. I'll do some further research about what help is available for me.

Again, thanks for showing a different perspective and making me realise that I could be setting my children up for problems in later life. I have listened and I'll change what I thought was right for them.

OP posts:

Sirzy · 11/04/2014 08:10

Good luck ajayne. Hope you all have a lovely Easter

Thewhingingdefective · 11/04/2014 08:13

YABU. You're attitude towards food is unhealthy (as you acknowledge) but you are passing this on by denying your children access to foods you see as bad.

missmapp · 11/04/2014 08:16

My parents banned all 'unhealthy' food- we were only allowed sweets/cakes/chocs at special times etc.

When my brother and I went to secondary school and walked past sweet shops unaccompanied, we went mad!! We both ate far more sweets than our friends and I still find them hard to resist!!

I understand why my parents restricted food and , to be fair, my diet is generally good as an adult and I am a healthy weight- I try to be more balanced with my dcs- balanced meals, good portion size but treats allowed.

With easter eggs, they get far too many, so we ration amounts of choc they eat at one time - the eggs often last many months!!

really1234 · 11/04/2014 08:28

Well done, it's such a tricky issue, I'm not sure any of us with issues know the answer.

Gurnie · 11/04/2014 08:35

Hi AJayne, I feel so much for you. It is really horrible when you have a difficult relationship with food (I was like that for a period of time in my life although I must admit only for a few years). We are parents but we are also our own people with our own feelings, fears, weaknesses and sometimes it's so hard knowing what to do as a parent. I do appreciate what you're trying to do. I think the advice you have received is correct though and well done for taking it on board.

The children that I know who've had very strict guidelines in terms of their diets have gone on to be pretty obsessed by food and sugary food in particular, as that's what they were generally denied. You are right to seek a healthier balance for them. I hope things work out well for you.

Chocoholism · 11/04/2014 09:09

I know what you mean OP, I too am overweight as I was given all kinds of crap as a child but thinking now, it was because I was in educated and so was my parents. It wasn't the coke or the sweets but the crap dinners every day, processed foods, all that sort of stuff too. I'm glad you realise now that treats now and again is fine for them and for you! If you all stick to a well balanced healthy regime most of the time and encourage your children to enjoy fresh healthy foods then they will make the right choices as that what it will really be about and also encouraging as much activity for them as you can. You will do a great job because you care! Eating well is all about education and making it enjoyable for the kids xx

Weliveinabeautifulworld · 11/04/2014 09:18

YABU!!! It is not what you eat, it is how much you eat!!!

birdsnotbees · 11/04/2014 22:59

Op, I had psychotherapy for several years and it really helped me address my eating issues. If you can afford it and you can find a good therapist, you may find it useful. It is hard, it's not a quick fix and you have to really work at it but I can honestly say I have a near normal relationship with food now, I don't need to diet (because I don't binge/starve) and I never ever thought that would be possible. Good luck x

BarbaraPalmer · 11/04/2014 23:09

good luck jayne

i struggle with being given tonnes of chocolate for the DC at Easter, as one my DC is overweight (the rest of us have healthy BMIs). The DC each get one egg in lieu of breakfast on Easter morning, and a bit more as their pm snack.

the rest go into their treat bags, as happens with party bags sweets etc, and they get to choose something from the bag every Friday. I usually ask if I can share too, and they have that much they're happy to be generous.

SaucyJack · 11/04/2014 23:13

YABU. I don't think what you're doing is such a big deal right now as your DCs are still so young. But there will come a point where it would be less than pleasant of you to deny your children normal treats because you cannot control your eating. They will notice they're the only ones not having birthday cake or the odd McD's and they will resent you. Sort your own issues out- don't take it out on the kids. Sorry if that sounds mean.

feathermucker · 11/04/2014 23:15

You are at risk of creating the very thing you're trying to avoid!

Being prevented from having treats more than once in a blue moon could well make them binge in the future or have issues with food.

You are passing YOUR fears and worries onto them.

Glitterfeet · 11/04/2014 23:23

Agree with Needsasocksmnesty

Yes. Don't make an issue about treats and chocolate but it's ok have some kind of line. I was brought up with a big egg from my parents and grandparents got us a small one. No need for chocolate, or other Easter gift,d from any and everyone . Unless Easter has a personal all meaning for them.

WorraLiberty · 11/04/2014 23:26

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, I don't mean it to

You sound as though you're blanket banning these things because it's much easier than dealing with your own obesity.

The best thing any parent can teach a child (imo) is self discipline and moderation, yet these seem the hardest things to learn.

I can understand why you've acted the way you have but children tend to learn by example anyway. If your kids see you leading a particularly unhealthy lifestyle they could go either way.

They could either copy you or they could end up desperate not to be the same as you if they sense your unhappiness.

As a Mum of 3 boys, I have lost count of the amount of teenage girls I've known to put themselves on dangerous (and often secret) diets because they 'don't want to end up fat like their parents'.

I do think the answer (if indeed there is one) is to be open and honest about food and weight in general...but definitely to teach self discipline rather than banning chocolate/junk food etc.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 11/04/2014 23:42

Worra.

That's got to be one of the most honest and insightful posts I've read

WorraLiberty · 11/04/2014 23:52

Aww thanks NeedsAsockamnesty

If any of us could bottle and sell self discipline whether it's towards food, alcohol, careers, housework or even shopping...we'd be millionaires

pizzachickenhotforyou · 12/04/2014 01:59

YABU

Your children will gorge when they ever get the chance as chocolate etc is forbidden

My friends mum owns a health shop and she used to take chocolate wrappers etc from the bins and the street and lick them clean, as well as shoplift sweets and get them off other children by begging or swapping for stickers etc.

Selks · 12/04/2014 02:09

What everyone is saying is true, but I do have some sympathy for the OP...it's hard being an overweight Mum - everyone assumes that you will be stuffing your children full of chips and crap and making them fat too, so it's easy to feel that pressure and feel that you have to over compensate.
But you do need to relax about your children OP, so I'm afraid YABU.

goodasitgets · 12/04/2014 02:59

I think the best way is not to make a big deal. So allow them some chocolate but don't be "ooh here's some chocolate, it's a big treat"
Just give them it as a food, no more, no less fuss than any other food
I think if you make a deal about it being a special thing then sometimes you want it more? If that makes sense. It's just a type of food, it's nice to have, but the same as you wouldn't eat say baked beans every day you wouldn't eat the chocolate
Sorry if that doesn't make sense, it's hard to explain!!!

I have a bad habit of punishing myself with food (am undergoing counselling) and one of the main things I have to tell myself is "food is not a treat, I am not a dog, I am not rewarding myself with food"

LibraryMum8 · 12/04/2014 03:38

Yabu. Children that are denied sweets in moderation will gorge themselves on them when they can and when they are an adult. Easter eggs do make children obese, eating 20 of them a day will. I know you are trying to do the right thing but IMO you are going about it the wrong way.

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