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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to buy or receive any Easter eggs for my children?

98 replies

AJayne48 · 10/04/2014 17:38

I have had a very unhealthy relationship with food my whole life, I am obese and although I have lost 8 stone I have managed to put all of that back on and more.

I am very obsessive about what my children eat and nothing unhealthy passes their lips. My family have expressed there opinion many times letting me know how unfair I am being.

I have told them that I will not accept Easter eggs as I don't want or think my children need them.

I haven't banned everything, cake on birthdays and special occasions they can have something unhealthy but nothing more.

My children will not end up like me and I am doing everything to make sure of that but my family think that I am being extremely rude to say that I am not accepting Easter eggs because they want to buy them some.

AIBU?

OP posts:
morethanpotatoprints · 10/04/2014 17:59

YABU and setting them up for the problems you have. It's much better to teach them everything in moderation, this will surely help them not to binge or graze on unhealthy food all the time.
I do think lots of eggs are bad as they either have to be eaten too quickly or hang around too long which can be just as bad.
maybe tell family and friends just one egg each.

Chippednailvarnish · 10/04/2014 18:10

You basically have an eating disorder and the level of control about food you are exerting is likely to pass it on to your children.

neverputasockinatoaster · 10/04/2014 18:13

YABU.
When I was small my mum decided that my excema (which I can't spell!) was caused by sugar. No medical tests, just a herbalist telling her my blood was too hot...
She banned all sweets and chocolates from my life.
Fast forward over 35 years.
I am morbidly obese. I have had a weight problem all my life. My eating and relationship to food is seriously screwed up. I am a secret binge eater.
Thing is, my ban on sweet things only lasted a year. My issues with food have lasted a lifetime.

FourEyesGood · 10/04/2014 18:14

YABU. My mother was very strict about sweets and chocolate when I was a child. I now have a terrible sweet tooth and love chocolate, partly (I suspect) because it was forbidden when I was young.
Also, getting a book for Easter when my friends and cousins were getting Easter eggs made me sad.

fuzzpig · 10/04/2014 18:15

YABU, I understand why you want to but I really think it's counterproductive and you just turn it into forbidden fruit.

I don't want mine having loads either but I think it's important to let them have some, it is actually much less of a big deal that way. I'm sure they'd feel really hard done by if all their friends had them and they didn't.

As it happens, my mum bought them a large hen shaped egg to share, and then our new childminder gave them a small egg each, so I think we won't bother getting any ourselves and might get them a nice book each or something. Possibly a really small egg too but definitely nothing big.

I never had Easter eggs or advent calendars as a child, I wasn't allowed them :( so now DH always gets me them :o

ilikebigbutts · 10/04/2014 18:18

First of all, well done in losing that amount of weight, that must have took a considerable effort.

Sorry but I have to agree with the majority of posters and say YANBU. You have the issue with food (for whatever reason that may be) and not your children. I think there is a real danger in labelling any food "good", "bad", "naughty" etc. It's food, it doesn't have a personality or a character. Some food is less nutritious than other food, end of. As with most things in life, the second something becomes a forbidden entity it automatically becomes more attractive and alluring.

Having said all of that, I think the number of Easter eggs some kids get is ridiculous. We tend not to buy them in our family purely because they're so bloody expensive so the kids might get a couple of small onse that they can eat over the weeks following Easter. Apart from that they'll get some new clothes for Spring/Summer.

Sirzy · 10/04/2014 18:19

Although I understand your intentions I don't think your approach is going to be a good thing for your children in the long run.

"nothing unhealthy passing their lips" is not a good relationship with food to encourage. I know its hard, I am still overweight having lost 4.5 stone recently and that has made me determined that DS (4) won't have food issues like I have had BUT to do that I need to make sure he has a healthy relationship with food, and having certain foods banned or deemed treat foods won't do that IMO.

I am not buying DS an easter egg simply because he is going to get enough from others I am getting him a top he wants instead. But others will buy him easter eggs and he will enjoy them.

hm32 · 10/04/2014 18:21

I think YABU. It would be reasonable to ask that they aren't given more than one. I had one, really special egg at Easter each year as a child (think Thorntons but nicer!) and that really was enough. Friends got lots of the plastic-type, thin and tasteless chocolate ones, and I didn't envy them. Mine had a thick, crunchy shell and was filled with delicious chocolates. Once it was gone, it was gone. If I ate it all on Easter day (rarely did), then that was that. No one minded. I miss those eggs - I often don't have one now because none of them live up to those (I lived abroad then - mmm, proper chocolate!!).

ilikebigbutts · 10/04/2014 18:22

Oh, and I also remember my dentist saying that some chocolate every now and then isn't really that bad....much preferable to sticky gum type sweets which basically stick to their teeth!

StarGazeyPond · 10/04/2014 18:23

My children will not end up like me

I am sorry, but if you carry on being obsessed by 'nothing unhealthy passes their lips' then they WILL end up like you or with an EA. You are already making food an issue.

meganorks · 10/04/2014 18:30

contrary to all the people who had sweets banned and are now obese, I was one of the few kids in my st allowed to the sweet shop and used to end up going several times a day. My mum usually has a ludicrous amount of biscuits and cake in the house. As a kid I was a bit chubby but possibly puppy fat as 13/14 all dropped away.
Now I do eat sweet treats and junk now and again but don't tend yo have stuff in the house. When I do it lasts for ages (currently have 1 of my 10 posh mothers day chocs left - DP has 1 and DD another; last year Christmas chocs lasted well past easter, Easter stuff till August).
So agree with others that the ban is only likely to make your kids obsesive about food. Everything in moderation.

mrssmith79 · 10/04/2014 18:33

You are projecting onto your children and setting them up for a lifetime of unhealthy relationships with food.
I did a stint of holiday cover at an eating disorders unit last year and your post is scarily similar to some of the descriptions my patients gave of their parents.

MsJupiter · 10/04/2014 18:33

OP I am similar to you and I am also keen to keep DS from the issues I have had. I look back at my childhood and we were given around 6-8 full-size Easter eggs and were constantly given massive portions of food, lemonade to drink and treats all the time. My family think I am crazy for trying to restrict what DS has. My mum says when children who weren't allowed chocolate got some they then ate everything in sight but thinking back, they were all slim and we were all fat, so 'going mad' once in a while didn't seem to matter. My mum is slim btw.

Anyway obviously lots of responses here seem to indicate that those who were restricted have food issues too, so what to do? I do think some people are more predisposed to have these issues, but all I feel I can do is give DS the opportunity to eat healthily, enjoy different tastes and avoid sugar and processed food but still have fun and enjoy food. I make & freeze muffins and biscuits with recipes which use banana instead of sugar so he might have one of those and I purée mango to go into plain yoghurt instead of buying petit filous etc.

I think you basically have the right approach but I would ease up slightly, maybe allowing one Easter egg or a couple of small ones to be eaten over a period of time. Think of it as them learning how to enjoy treats sensibly which is all part of what you want to pass on to them - a healthier approach to eating. All the best to you.

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 10/04/2014 18:38

Yes, yabu. It's not your children's fault you used to be fat, and it's not their fault you have a difficult relationship with food.

HerRoyalNotness · 10/04/2014 18:42

I think it will backfire, if they're denied to that extent, may go crazy with it when they are independant. Are you teaching them about nutrition at all, or just banning certain food from them?

My DS1 was a horror of a sweet tooth, didn't help his DF would feed him sweets to keep him quiet. It was out of control, so I made a rule, that I got from a colleague, of only have sweets on a Saturday. It has worked really well, and they are less bothered about them now. Also he talks about having had enough of certain foods, and wanting something healthy, himself, rather than me telling him what he can and can't have all the time.

Joules68 · 10/04/2014 18:43

no,op is still overweight.....she put it all back on again

Delphiniumsblue · 10/04/2014 18:45

I do sympathise but others are right, you really are passing in your obsession to your children and they will have the same unhealthy attitude. Everything in moderation is the answer and not having 'bad' foods that are instantly desirable.

Tessdurbevilliespoon · 10/04/2014 18:46

YABU and I mean this kindly, you need to seek help to deal with your issues rather than foistering them on to your kids. It's not their fault, why would you want to continue the cycle?

FreakinScaryCaaw · 10/04/2014 18:47

You're making food an issue and it'll backfire.

whomadeyougod · 10/04/2014 18:47

My children will not end up like me and I am doing everything to make sure of that

you are doing the complete opposite , as soon as they have their own money and freedom they will rebel and eat nothing but crap.

Retropear · 10/04/2014 18:48

Yabu

My kids have oodles of Easter eggs.They have a balanced healthy diet and are able to self regulate as a result.2 of mine have some of last weeks sweet shop sweets still sitting on their desks.

I am not obese and neither are my dc.

Op you have a problem with food not your dc.

birdsnotbees · 10/04/2014 18:52

Everything in moderation. My mum was/is an obsessive dieter and banned sweets in our house. Guess what? I developed an eating disorder. I've been "cured" for a decade and I don't "ban" anything. Guess what? I no longer crave sweet things or binge. My mum still does both, which now that I'm free of my weird relationship with food I think is terribly sad. You will pass on your issues to your kids unless you address your own issues. Don't ban anything. Nothing is that bad for you unless it's toxic! YABVU.

Comeatmefam · 10/04/2014 18:52
  1. No matter how you say this to friends and family it will sound rude/entitled/mad. Honestly - any way at all.
  1. I'm sorry you have suffered with weight problems and food issues, it's shit. But I think you really need to try to relax about their diet if at all possible and strike a balance re what they eat. Like Retropear, we eat healthily most of the time but we all eat junk and sugar too as treats (in fact chocolate or similar every day at some point) - none of us in my family are obese.
Delphiniumsblue · 10/04/2014 18:53

Children always, always, do as you do and never as you say. If you force a diet onto them that you can't actually do yourself it simply won't work. The message that they get is 'being an adult means you can eat what you want'. You should all be on the same diet - other than the odd things not suited to children like alcohol.

shebird · 10/04/2014 18:54

I understand that you are doing this with best intentions but creating any issues around food could create trouble in the future. Better to teach healthy eating and moderation so that they are equipped to make the right choices for themselves when they are grown up and you are not there to enforce things. My DCs usually have Easter eggs left over months later that they just forget about. They do not spend Easter Sunday gorging on 6 eggs each.