To not want to buy or receive any Easter eggs for my children?

[AJayne48]

I have had a very unhealthy relationship with food my whole life, I am obese and although I have lost 8 stone I have managed to put all of that back on and more.

I am very obsessive about what my children eat and nothing unhealthy passes their lips. My family have expressed there opinion many times letting me know how unfair I am being.

I have told them that I will not accept Easter eggs as I don't want or think my children need them.

I haven't banned everything, cake on birthdays and special occasions they can have something unhealthy but nothing more.

My children will not end up like me and I am doing everything to make sure of that but my family think that I am being extremely rude to say that I am not accepting Easter eggs because they want to buy them some.

AIBU?

Another YABU as other's have said you're more likely to make them be like you by being very strict with there diet imo. I think your doing more harm them good tbh. They should be taught to have treats in moderation not ban it completely

They need the self discipline with chocolate.

Far too controlling - sorry. YABVU and as has been said before you are transferring your unhealthy obsession with food onto your DCs

I do appreciate that is not your intention but you are subconsciously doing this.

Okay thank you for your insight, I honestly had no idea that I would cause my children to have an unhealthy relationship with food, I thought that I was 'doing the right thing' by not allowing them to have it when it seems unnecessary.

My children are both under 3.

I was allowed as much food, chocolate and fizzy drinks as I could possible manage when I was a child and it became an obsession at a very young age; I did manage to lose 8 stone when I was 18 but my periods stopped completely and the doctor told me that I must eat more as I went from one extreme to another. I went from eating all I could to hardly eating at all and as soon as I was told that I needed to eat more otherwise my reproductive system would suffer I again redeveloped my obsession.

It has ruined my life and I was so sure that I was doing what was right for my children by not allowing them the same things as I was but thank you for the advice, I will listen and change a few things as it is a real fear that my children will have an unhealthy relationship with food like me. I really do appreciate your honesty.

I know this is hard for you OP but well done for listening to good advice and I know you can strike a balance because you love your children

I think you need to address the issues behind your "obsession" rather than just changing a few things...

I do feel for you as you sound like you have had a bad history with food.

Is it worth talking to a dietician about all of this? Or maybe your Health Visitor?

Good luck

YABU - I understand that you want your children to have a healthy diet partly to prevent them going through the weight issues that you have dealt with however like birthday cake Easter Eggs are a once a year treat that it is a shame to miss out on. Part of a healthy relationship with food is being able to have the occasional treat and not feel bad. Let them have them and have a small one yourself as a treat. They will realise all their friends have them and it will upset them. If you deny them these sorts of things they are more likely to go off the rails and gorge on junk when they are teenagers. By feeding them healthily most of the time you are setting them up to prefer healthy food and by letting them have an occasional treat like an Easter Egg they won't feel they are missing out.

YABU and also totally counter productive. Making a big point of denying your children Easter eggs will set THEM up with unhealthy attitudes about food. The message shouldn't be that certain foods are bad but that certain foods should be eaten only now and then and in limited quantities. Everything in moderation is a much healthier message to be communicating.

As said I think your going down a very dangerous road by creating and making food such a huge issue.

You can control everything that comes into the house but without making an issue of it.....

They are so young still.

They will learn by example, sort your own weight out now, whilst they are too young to register your fight, then simply let them have everything in moderation.

My cousin was not allowed to eat anything unhealthy when she was young i.e. crisps, cake, chocolate so when she went to school she would swap her prawn wholemeal bread sandwiches for a packet of crisps.

It wasn't until my aunt saw her daughter at a friends birthday party only eating the sausage rolls and nothing else that she realised that she wasn't doing her daughter any favours by demonising certain foods.

Everything in moderation is a good rule of thumb with food - there is a middle ground between allowing no 'unhealthy' foods and allowing your dc to eat as much as they want.

Oh dear, AJayne48- I do feel for you. No harm is done if they are so little. Have you tried to get your eating habits sorted? That is the answer.
If you feel it is an impossibility just beware of swinging too far the other way. Smaller portions, avoid processed food, fizzy and sweet drinks, too many snacks and get plenty of exercise. Treats are fine in moderation.

I think you need to get help for your own eating issues, which may also help you reevaluate how you help your children with their own relationships with food? It is so hard knowing what to do for the best isn't it? My biggest fear is that I will pass on my food 'errors' onto my DS.

Perhaps its worth visiting your GP to discuss further support available to you?

I am part of a group on facebook called HOOP (helping overcome obesity problems) who are a charity helping people (adults and children) with not only weight loss but the wider issues surrounding food and weight problems which may be helpful?

OP we are all only doing what we think is best for our children!

I would be speaking with a nutritionist for yourself and then you can teach and practice with your children what you learn from this.

I lost weight by learning and practicing what metabolism boosting foods were, the effects of different chemicals in foods, that cardio over twenty minutes is a waste of time and weights burn fat and boost metabolism. I learnt to eat often but eat well and that a treat day is ok - actually almost necessary to reboot your metabolism and not fall off the path to weight loss success but to only have this treat within a space of an hour on my chosen day and the treat has to be something your body has not had a lot of all week for example - carbs.

Wheat and refined sugars are bad for our relationships with food. I try to avoid these as much as I can.

Maybe get them Easter eggs that contain raw cane sugar rather than refined sugar? These eggs almost certainly won't have all the other crap in them too - I get them in my local health shop for DS as well as other chocolates for Xmas etc

I have come into this late but also agree you should not make an issue if it.

I am obese and have lost 4-5 stone a couple of times and put it back on. I have an unhealthy attitude to food.
My mum was obsessed with weight and putting us all on various diets as I was growing up, it was a constant cycle of dieting then putting weight back on etc etc. So when I left for uni I binged big time as suddenly I had control.

I have been everything from a size 14-22 in adulthood, usually nearer a 22 but have stuck at an 18 for the last couple of years which is the most stable I've ever been.

I sincerely think that my messed up attitude is due to my mum making an issue of it. My DH is very tall and slim and can eat what he likes and the dc seem similar so far. I make a point not to talk about food being good or bad, tell them to eat fruit as it is healthier but also let them eat biscuits. IMHO it's about balance and not being obsessed with it. I think I'm doing a reasonable job but then so did my mum.

When I diet dc don't realise, it's just that the food on the plate is cooked healthier but they wouldn't necessarily notice. In fact when I lost 5 stone when ds1 was about 5 he didn't even notice and didn't believe me when I said I was a bit thinner now in answer to him asking why I kept getting new clothes.

Sorry I have rambled but it's close to my heart, try not to unwittingly pass your problems to your dc. Well done for asking and realising that it's maybe not a good idea to be so strict.

I think the important thing is to relax, be proud of your own ongoing achievement and gently set a good example to your kids. They are very young after all. Would it really be so hard to graciously accept the well intended gifts, stash them away in the cupboard, then during the holidays distract the kids with crafts, outings, cooking (savoury stuff) and dish out some of the choccies with some fruit after tea over a number of days and then ditch the rest or use it to make crispy cakes to share? Announcing that you don't want eggs just draws attention to the situation, not good.

Okay I've just spotted they're under 3 so I'd agree that they don't need vast quantities of chocolate but I'd probably let your relatives buy the eggs, let the kids have some on Easter Sunday and then pack the eggs away (children that age don't tend to remember once things are out of sight). You could always do what I used to do - melt the chocolate down for baking cakes etc and do a baking session with your kids on a rainy day!

I think you need to be careful when it comes to food and children, my best friend was brought up on very health diet, her mum would allow no brown bread, not biscuits, chocolate etc and all that resulted in was my friend binge eating when she would come to our house after school, she would just scoff 10 slices of white bread because it was there, now she 34 she has a really unhealthy relationship with food, she bringes on chocolate/cake then will feel depressed and hate herself after, she eats all her children's Xmas selection boxes while there in bed and have to rush out to replace them, just after she married her husband even found a huge stash of wrappers in her knicker draw, my friend is a small 5 foot curvy size 10 but calorie counts and exercise a lot. She will even tell you she has major issues with food.

I think there is nothing wrong with a child having a ester egg it should not be eaten in one go and it doesn't hurt to just have a bit of chocolate!

I'm sorry but it don't think your doing your children any favors by depriving them, a little if everything in moderation is fine, and that's what you should be teaching them

AJayne, well done for breaking the pattern and deciding that your home will be full of healthy food, I hope you can give yourself the same love in making choices for yourself.
If having chocolate in the house makes you anxious, allow your family to give your children a little easter egg each, preferably somewhere else, and let them eat it, then stop.
If they are having a healthy diet a little chocolate won't do any harm.

Much better than starting them on the idea of 'forbidden' foods. Birthday cake, sweets in a stocking, easter eggs, sweets on fridays, hot chocolate on cold days, fizzy drinks at birthday parties (and a healthy diet the rest of the time) doesn't make a bad diet, sweets cake, rubbish food and fizz every day does.

If you have control issues, try to only have foods that will call to you in the house in child-size quantities for the shortest possible time.

Big hugs!

Sorry, haven't read the whole thread, just the opening post. I am obese and have an unhealthy relationship with food. I am obsessed, and just can't do moderation. I overeat for sure. Thing is, my mum raised us on healthy, homecooked meals and no snacking. We had the odd treat but not very often. I have grown up craving treats, in part because I felt deprived growing up. Compare this to my friends at the time who had kitchen drawers and cupboards full of sweets and treats, but they could take or leave them ... they really weren't bothered. I guess my point is that balance is key. You won't be doing your kids any favours in the long run if you deprive them, however good your intentions are.

Apparently children raised in teetotal homes are actually more likely to abuse alcohol in later life than children raised in homes where alcohol is consumed in moderation. I'm guessing the same principle applies here.

Apologies OP if this is something you have already looked at, but Paul McKenna's books on overeating/emotional eating might be helpful to you in not just "dieting" but changing your attitude to eating for good.
I agree with other posters that you do seem to be running the risk of setting your dcs up with alternate testing issues.