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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To send this reply to letter about attendance from school

216 replies

FamilarSting · 10/04/2014 17:33

Today I received a letter from school about the attendance of my 5 year old. She has had 6 days off school since January (4 of those were last week - she had a throat infection) and had perhaps another 3 from September - December but the letter doesn't mention those.
This is the letter I received and I will paste my reply. I'd appreciate thoughts on if my reply is too OTT, or rude etc. But to be honest, I am furious and want the letter to convey a certain level of how annoyed I am.

Would I be unreasonable to send this reply?

(FROM SCHOOL)

10th April 2014

Dear Parents of X

Here at X Primary School we take attendance very seriously.

In the Home School Agreement you signed to say you will ensure your child attends regularly and on time. I would like to bring to your attention that X's attendance this term is below the school average. I would like to see some improvement next term.

Please find below the summary from the school register with is recorded with X Education Authority.

(table showing she's had 12 'sessions' off out of a possible 124 which is equal to 90.32% attendance, 0 of those being unauthorized)

Yours faithfully

X (Headteacher)

(all typed, nothing signed)

(MY RESPONSE)

Dear Mr X,

I am sorry that you find X’s attendance so troubling. However, I as a parent find her health more important than keeping above your school’s average attendance statistics. I do ensure my child attends school regularly and on time. Unfortunately she has had several periods of illness this year involving very high fevers. I myself was aware of how frequently she has been off school, and so on Monday 1st April, I sent her to school despite her having a fever. She was subsequently sent home from school and spent a week rather ill at home with a throat infection. I can acquire a Doctor’s note about this if required.

As your letter states, X’s 12 sessions absent from school were always authorized and I always made sure to inform school as to what was happening.

I would also like X’s attendance to improve, but not at the expense of sending her to school with a high fever so that she can feel miserable all day.

When X has been unwell at home, in between doses of paracetamol to bring down her fevers, and when she has felt up to it, we have made sure to do extra practice of her reading books and letter sounds etc.

I and her class teacher feel she is doing well in school and I do not feel these absences have had much negative impact on her studies at her reception class level. If this is not the case, or if these days off have caused her teacher to have to spend extra time in helping her to catch up then I apologise, but I suspect this is not the case.

I find the tone and impersonal quality of the letter I received quite frustrating. You may take attendance very seriously, but perhaps you might like to look at the overall picture of the child; her performance at school, and perhaps the possibility that she might have been unlucky enough to be ill several times in the winter months, amounting to 6 days off school.

X will be taking four days absence next term in order to visit family in Norway.

I will no longer concern myself about whether this being marked as unauthorized might upset your records, as if doing the best we can as per the ‘Home School Agreement’ is not good enough, then I doubt anything will be.

Yours Sincerely

FamiliarSting

OP posts:
Legologgo · 11/04/2014 08:16

Lol at reducing other pupils attendance. Send that one. Awesome

TheReluctantCountess · 11/04/2014 08:19

Don't send it.

Discombobulatedbob · 11/04/2014 08:26

reply but keep it short.

Thank you for the concern out lined in your letter dated xx. Im sure you are aware that my child health and well being takes priority over the schools need for high attendance figures.

On a separate note, we are taking X out of school between x dates to visit my ageing and very ill mother abroad. Please mark this absence in which ever way you see fit.

Yours sincerely.

SpringComeHereYouFabulousSeaso · 11/04/2014 08:28

windymill - I like your suggestion too. I don't think the school like sending these letters. We got one when DS had had an operation and needed 10 days off school. The school sent the standard (rude) letter but on the bottom the secretary had scribbled 'we know spring's DS has had an operation'. I was still fuming at the tone of the letter.

Problem is there are children whose attendance is appalling due to lack of good parenting. 'He was a bit tired because he was up late playing his new x-box game' - I kid you not (am a teacher).

They need two letter, arsey ones for parents who are just crap at getting their dc to school and another for children who have genuinely been ill. Problem with that is, who's to say which is which. As a staff, they we will generally know/suspect but not our place to say if a child has been ill or not. So then we revert back to the standard rude letter. It's a crap system.

Coldlightofday · 11/04/2014 08:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TallulahMcFey · 11/04/2014 08:54

I can see why you're annoyed and it looks like a letter I might once have drafted (a few children ago)! However, it is clearly a standard letter generated when attendance falls below their average. I really wouldn't bother. If you phoned the head, he/she would undoubtedly say not to worry and they appreciate that she was ill but the letter is automatically generated because in some cases parents are not as conscientious as you. If you really feel that you have to do anything, then I would just phone them to clarify. After all, they will appreciate that when children first start school, they tend to get more illness, even if an automatically generated letter doesn't. I think it is equally silly when children get congratulated for 100% attendance, which they have got simply from the luck of not being ill that term!

MezleyM · 11/04/2014 08:54

We send very similar letters out at my school. I do sometimes wail about the cost of sending so many letters....but it is one of the hoops we are expected to jump through. Nationally, average attendance is about 95%, so if your DD's is at 90%, that is considered quite low. I wonder how many employers would tolerate an employee having one day off a fortnight for absence? For every parent I get with a stroppy reply, I also get one who contacts me to say they had no idea how one day here, one day there adds up, and are pleased it has been brought to their attention. We also send out congratulations letters for 100% attendance....I am horrified that anyone would find that patronising!
The problem is knowing what is genuine and what is not. We will not authorise any absence under 85% without medical evidence...for example a copy of a prescription.
As others have said, the link between attendance and attainment is strong. If this really upsets you, I would suggest you ask to speak to the school's EWO.

FamilarSting · 11/04/2014 09:26

I should maybe note that the letter wasn't sent though the post but handed to me by my daughter yesterday when I collected her from school.
I wish they had sent it on Monday so I would have had all week to think about it and compose an appropriate reply. Now it seems if I don't send a reply before this afternoon, then there is little point in sending a letter in after the Easter holiday.

OP posts:
FamilarSting · 11/04/2014 09:36

Thoughts on this as a re-write?

Dear Mr X,
I am writing in response to the letter I received yesterday about my daughter’s attendance.
I would like to stress than X’s absences have been due to illness, which I have always made sure to inform the school of. While I am happy to send her into school when she has coughs and colds, I feel that I am able to judge when she is too unwell to attend. Last Monday she was sent home from school and then spent the rest of the week rather ill with a throat infection.
I can appreciate that you have to make attempts to improve attendance figures, and this letter may well have been automated, however, as a parent I found the tone of the letter I received to be quite rude and patronizing and suggest rewording it might improve parent-school relations.

Yours sincerely

Or perhaps I should scrap the last paragraph, or the whole thing.
I'm torn, but still annoyed. Either way, I have wasted far too much time on this already.

OP posts:
AfricanExport · 11/04/2014 09:38

I would send it. I had an arsy comment about talking dd or for a hospital appointment and they would only authorise 1/2 a day. Her db also had a hospital appointment at a different time the same day. I told them I don't really care what they authorise. She is my child and my responsibility and as I'm her parent they can go to pot..

NearTheWindymill · 11/04/2014 09:46

Mezley but do you not see that it is inappropriate to write to people in such a tone when the objective is to build good home school links and the basis upon which to do that is through good communication. Honestly if I wrote letters in that tone to customers from my workplace I would end up losing my job. How do you expect to maintain good relationships with parents when letters like that are sent.

And actually I think 100% attendance awards are dreadful - children are not ill through choice and if schools want to bang the drum about all children being celebrated then it is wholly wrong.

Why are teachers expected to jump through a hoop with rudeness when they could do so with politeness.

NearTheWindymill · 11/04/2014 09:46

OP - send it. Perfect.

JassyRadlett · 11/04/2014 10:13

Honestly, the only way schools will check their tone is for parents to point out that the wording of letters like that are seriously off.

It may be auto-generated and an Ofsted requirement, but the wording is as decided by the school. It's appalling and undermines the relationship between school and parent. Schools (and gasp even headteachers) are not in authority over or automatically superior to parents of their pupils. Too many forget that....

Nomama · 11/04/2014 10:21

I love that!

Attendance letter is horrid - schools should realise they are not in a position of authority or superior to parents

No comment on attendance and kid is being abused - schools should realise they have a position of responsibility

Mmmmmmmm! Well, the government sets the requirement for the attendance. The LA probably advises on the wording of the letter and who to send it to. The school just gets the stick for having sent it.

Too many parents seem to be forgetting who is pulling the strings. It is not your local Head of school or any of the classroom teachers. They are as hamstrung as you are. Don't write nasty little letters to them, send it to your MP and have him take it up with the bureaucrats who are fiddling whilst Rome burns.

NearTheWindymill · 11/04/2014 10:31

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Nomama · 11/04/2014 10:35

Excuse me! How ridiculous and extremely insulting to so many people is that stupid comment?

Ludicrous!

Pipbin · 11/04/2014 10:36

Ah Godwin's law has been evoked I see: en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Godwin's_law

Pipbin · 11/04/2014 10:38

BTW Godwin's Law states: "As an online discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches? - that is, if an online discussion (regardless of topic or scope) goes on long enough, sooner or later someone will compare someone or something to Hitler or Nazism."

NigellasDealer · 11/04/2014 10:42

Attendance letter is horrid - schools should realise they are not in a position of authority or superior to parents
aww is it howwid?
some parents should wise up tbh, yes they are in a position of authority, hate to break it to you Grin

Pipbin · 11/04/2014 10:43

I like the re write, much better.
If possible though try to get a meeting with the head.

HolidayCriminal · 11/04/2014 10:47

I preferred your arsy letter, OP. Bit long, but nailed things better.

Nocomet · 11/04/2014 10:49

I think we should all send these letters to mr W, head of Ofsted, without a stamp!

Discombobulatedbob · 11/04/2014 10:51

Keep it short.

I agree about voicing feeling patronised though. The school needs to aim to get parents on board rather then get their backs up. Good people skills are what is needed to get the best out of folk.

davidbrentslovechild · 11/04/2014 10:58

I am sure that the school are required to send letters to parents when attendance falls below a certain percentage, but do the letters have to be quite so patronising?

On Wednesday my DS (9yo) was sent home from school because he "felt sick". His dad collected him from school and three hours later he was out playing football with his mates. My DS has done this a couple of times before, saying he feels sick when there is bugger all wrong with him so I rang his teacher and just explained that my DS had not been unwell and that he was out playing with his mates.

I asked his teacher if it would be possible for her to just have a quick word with him and explain that it is not ok to say you are ill when you are not ill. I had already spoken to him by this point but I wanted the school and I to be in agreement on this matter.

She wasn't having any of it. She emailed me to say that the school takes the child's word for it if they say they are unwell. I can understand this to an extent but when they have been told that my DS has pulled the wool over their eyes they should at the very least talk to him about it.

And before anyone shouts at me for allowing my DS to play football when he had been sent home, his dad and I are divorced and I was at work when this happened. I had no say in letting him go out with his friends.

zipzap · 11/04/2014 11:03

On your most recent version of the letter, I'd put that she had been very ill or seriously ill - rather ill doesn't really convey how badly she has been ill. I think it's one of those phrases that works much better when spoken as tone of voice will convey the severity of the situation. However in a letter it's open to misinterpretation unlike very or seriously.