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Original poster

To ask if you were happier before you had kids?

88 replies

violator · 10/04/2014 11:04

Just wondering.
It came up in conversation with a friend recently and while we danced around the question it was quite clear that we were happier before we became mothers.
Are we alone in this?

OP posts:
JapaneseMargaret · 10/04/2014 11:06

Perhaps.

But my life would be over without either one of them, so...

AbneyorTeal · 10/04/2014 11:07

I am definitely happier now. Not all the time, but generally speaking I am happier. I have always been an anti-social homebody though, so I haven't left behind a great social life or anything.

lostdipper · 10/04/2014 11:08

Not really. I was miserable before I had dd, and now miserable for entirely different reasons. I know I wouldn't have another though.

JoandMax · 10/04/2014 11:08

Overall I am happier with my life post kids, but I have had my hardest, lowest moments since having them.

badidea · 10/04/2014 11:10

Can't relate to that myself. I've seen a few threads recently where people have posted that they're more miserable since they've had kids or that they regret having them - I have no idea how they could feel like that (or why they had more than one if that was the case).

I'm much happier with my two boys than I was before. Don't get me wrong, I had loads of fun before (I'm an older mum) travelled lots, went out, socialised, had lovely long 'beach and books' holidays and great life experiences, but nothing compares to the joy I feel every morning when I wake up and realise I've got two lovely boys - I feel so lucky.

Mine are 4yrs and 10 months though, so very much still in the 'cute' stage, my views might change when they're big smelly teenagers... (but probably not Grin)

GuybrushThreepwoodMP · 10/04/2014 11:11

I think I would say life is harder since having kids. There are aspects of life before that I miss. But I am happier now and I wouldn't change anything.

adoptmama · 10/04/2014 11:14

I didn't become a mother until I was well in my 30s so I never felt like I was missing out as I had done the whole student 'thing', had my wild weekends, holidays with friends, travelled, festivals etc. I don't feel I lost anything by becoming a mother despite the fact I am definitely more stressed out, busier and poorer now. Because, genuinely, I am also much happier. My kids make me proud, make me laugh, make me keep going when life is hard. My priorities and values have changed, my self-identify has changed. They make me laugh (cry, shout and swear) every day. I am not just happy. I am fulfilled and content.

formerbabe · 10/04/2014 11:15

I definitely had more fun, more money, a better figure!

But deep down, I am probably happier now.

Comeatmefam · 10/04/2014 11:17

Much happier, more fulfilled. Still have fun. Still work in job I love.

Comeatmefam · 10/04/2014 11:17

I mean happier now I have kids!

StackALee · 10/04/2014 11:18

Wasn't this thread done a few days ago?

badidea · 10/04/2014 11:19

stack I feel like this thread gets done every couple of days..

StackALee · 10/04/2014 11:19

here

MrsDeltaB · 10/04/2014 11:20

Its a different kind of happy here, we certainly used to be more carefree, just up and away sometimes, do what we wanted when it suited. But, we both agree that we never laughed as much before as we do now, the kids are a constant source of entertainment, although equally as frustrating too! I think of it as just a progression really (taken emotion for my girls out of it). I think H and I would have become complacent about life in general if we'd continued as we had. We're still happy, just in a different way.

StackALee · 10/04/2014 11:21

Oh well, I am loads happier. It's very different to my child free life but I was 40 when I had my son so I don't really miss anything about my old life.

My life is full of joy. Joy when I pick him up from Nursery, Joy when I see him in the morning, joy when we go and do stuff at the weekends.

adoptmama · 10/04/2014 11:23

stack

joy when he goes to sleep?

Wink
Moonfacesmother · 10/04/2014 11:29

The first two years or so were awful. My child didnt sleep and dh was away a lot. And even when he was there he was no help. I felt very isolated and exhausted. Ds finally slept through at 3 and a half and since getting more sleep and with him being older and easier I would say I'm not happier.

If you'd asked me when he was tiny I'd have said I was much unhappier. He's awesome now he's 4 though.

Moonfacesmother · 10/04/2014 11:29

Should read 'I'd say I'm a lot happier'!!

unlucky83 · 10/04/2014 11:34

Yes - I loved my job and could throw myself into it ...I hate being a SAHM and I will never be able to get back into that job - even when DCs are independent cos I'm older. But I wouldn't swap them for the world either (most of the time)
But funnily enough I was thinking about my father (in his 70s) this morning - if he was happy. And I don't think he is particularly, not really content.
All four of his DCs still cause him problems, he still worries about us. Think we have all have and still do let him down one way or another...he finds us frustrating (and with good reason a lot of the time)

He had a career he loved and worked hard to get but changed to one he was less happy with because it paid more and he had to support us.

And then it hit me - being a parent really is a life sentence ...

Original poster
violator · 10/04/2014 11:45

Apologies, I hadn't seen the other thread.

I don't feel fulfilled by motherhood. Maybe it's because DS is only 2. I had him at 35 so not like I missed out on any life experiences before he was born.

OP posts:
GuybrushThreepwoodMP · 10/04/2014 11:49

Maybe you need other things to fulfill you as well? What is your situation otherwise? I wouldn't be as happy if I wasn't working (3 days a week, but a very challenging and creative role). That isn't meant to suggest that you SHOULD work, but people are fulfilled by different things. Some completely but their children, some by other things too. Do you feel your life is missing anything?

badidea · 10/04/2014 12:03

OP, I don't think the ages of your child has much to do with fulfillment unless you have a litter of under fives, in which case you're just trying to survive and don't have time to ponder philosophical issues such as happiness.

Not sure if you're a SAHM or not, I'm on mattie leave just now and loving it (hoping for lottery win) but when I'm back at work I have a pretty good life balance, I work 5 mornings a week and have afternoons at home. I loved it when DS1 was 2, they're growing so much, learning to speak and jump and it felt like every week he changed.

I don't think you can expect motherhood by itself to fulfill you though. We're financially okay, my DH is incredibly hands-on and a great support to me, we have a great relationship which has only gotten closer through having the kids (whereas I read on here a lot that some couples drift apart when kids are on the scene), and I am happy with my family life (parents/siblings etc) and what little social life I have :-)

All these things probably make it easier for me to enjoy my kids, maybe there are other aspects of your life that have changed since you had your child and that you're not happy about, maybe if those changed you'd enjoy 'motherhood' itself more?

Original poster
violator · 10/04/2014 12:09

I work full time, but because the industry I'm in is not a 9-5 set-up I've little chance of progression. DH is also in the industry and we're like housemates.
I hated being a SAHM, I stayed home for two years and was so bored!

I had two hobbies before DS was born, both of which I've had to quit because of mine and DH's working hours/babysitting issues.

Maybe I'm just not maternal. I adore my DS but find life relentless.

OP posts:
fromparistoberlin73 · 10/04/2014 12:10

yes, in that I had time, freedom, money, independance

my life is harder now, alot of responsibility and guilt

but if anything hapended to them, I would want to die

Joysmum · 10/04/2014 12:15

I couldn't compare. We were happy before we had our daughter, we are happy now.

It's like comparing love for your parents with love for your child, not something easily done.

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