To ask if you were happier before you had kids?

[violator]

Just wondering.
It came up in conversation with a friend recently and while we danced around the question it was quite clear that we were happier before we became mothers.
Are we alone in this?

No, I'm happier after having children. My relationship with dh is even better than before children. We used to have big arguments quite frequently but having children taught us to communicate better and not sweat the small stuff. We also have to be role models! And we appreciate each other, and our life together, more.

I find it hard to answer that. I'm a different person now, so comparisons don't make any sense.

In some ways hugely happier. In some ways not.

I don't have a single regret though, if that's helpful.

I'm happier now without a doubt.

I think DH was happier before, he loves DS don't get me wrong but I think he misses his life pre DS

I can't compare. 8 years of IF issues meant that DC didn't come along until I was mid 30s, so there was a long time that I was miserable because I wanted children and they didn't arrive. But before I wanted DC I was happy, and I'm happy now, just in a different way.

Now, undoubtedly for me being a mum is the best thing ever.

This is such a simplistic idea that 'happiness' is a fixed thing. On any given day, in any given moment we feel a range of feelings. I feel intense happiness when my DD smiles or learns a new thing and intense sadness when I can't just do something to top up my well being because Im in charge of baby 24/7.

Pre baby I felt really happy when I had a day shopping, having a massage, getting my nails done or going to a party but I also felt sad when bad things happened.

Surely life is about finding the sunny spot in any of your given circumstances or being resourceful when things aren't 'making you happy.'

I can't relate to this happy vs not happy thing it seem very black and white, almost childish.

I agree with previous posters. I was probably happier because my stress and worry levels were much lower. But there was very little joy before kids. That heart stopping misty eyed joy I feel about them (even if it can be weeks in between) was never felt before.

It's a strange thing, isn't it?

I think, in general terms, life is harder. It's tiring, often boring, thankless, menial, repeptitive drudgery.

But, but, on a day to day basis? I'm so happy. The love that I receive, just for being their mum, is astonishing. By the time I've been awake five minutes I've laughed at least once. They are so bloody thrilled to see me after school, they barrel into me as if they haven't seen me for months. It makes me feel vital.

I often think how much I miss the days where you just drifted and did nothing. But then I think of these small, but HUGE, moments, and I know it's not close to being true.

No. I was not happier before we had our children. Life was different but not happier. Of course we went through years of fertility problems before we had ours so I think it's made us realise how lucky we are to have them. Not that I think other parents don't feel lucky it was just a long time coming for us. I know I'm not explaining myself properly...

Now they're 16 and 18 it won't be long till we're on our own again and I'm in no rush for that day.

If you'd have asked me when DD was two I would have said yes. Now she's 4 and a delight and I truly have my old fabulous life, with her as an amazing addition.

So I think it depends what stage you are at...

Zombie thread!

No. I was not unhappy without children but the day my first child was born felt like the first day I had properly lived. My life was suddenly so rich and full of love and purpose. Obviously I am tired, I have little time for myself, I am stressed, constantly anxious etc. Etc. But I can say that I am still significantly happier and my life is significantly more satisfying and meaningful than it was before motherhood. I never wish that I had put off having children for a few more years or that I could go back to before I had children.

Still a common theme though Polka

Oh for goodness sake! Why can't we have the Zombie warning back?!

I was happier before I had kids. I lived a life for me, travelling, eating out, experiences etc.. Since having kids I'm stuck at home a lot, I have no family support and it's draining and relentless with young ones (one of which is very hard work and neither sleep well). That combination has affected my mental health. Plus everyone else seems to have their mum around to help which is hard for me and I miss mine so much

I'm still happy, but I was happier before.

I absolutely love them though and wouldn't change it for anything.

Oh zombie thread! Well, I got it off my chest

Why do people get so livid about "zombie threads" it's not the end of the world, if people still want to comment.

I dunno, it baffles me too. Especially when it's something that's always going to be of interest. And don't get me started on the whole 'thread about a thread' thing!

No, we were miserable before DS arrived though adoption. We waited 10 years for him. I dread to think what we would be like without kids.

I thought I was happy before I had kids but I was actually very unhappy and behaving dangerously as a result of that.

Life with kids is hard and stressful but they bring me so much joy. I am a lot happier now.

Happier now for sure. Was pretty happy with my life before DS, great career, good social life, lots of holidays. I now obviously have a lot less freedom and time for myself, but he brings me such joy and deep happiness.

I am happier with my DD, without a doubt. I lived a very hedonistic life before so maybe over that?

I definitely have less free time and more responsibility but all doable and snatching time away feels like fun

I feel more fulfilled now that I'm soon to have my fourth child. I had more freedom before kids, and could spend my money on me, but that's about it. Having a family is what I've always wanted and I'm so happy I have it. I feel more complete.

Cliche as it may sound but my life feels complete now I have my DD, I wouldn't be without her for anything in the world. The only thing I miss is the money that childcare takes from me

I was very very happy before DS then miserable as hell for about 18 months. He's nearly 3 now and I'm slowly returning to pre baby contentment levels. We'll see!

Yes much happier