to want to punish my dd for getting house trashed

[wotoodoo]

Dd is nearly 16, has always been totally responsible. Dh and I had an opportunity to spend night away and we talked it through, as she has gcses she said she just wanted a quiet night with one friend over for a sleepover which we agreed.

We came back to utter destruction. Every carpet wet from her desperate attempts at cleaning up sick and she had washed sheets and floors.

But our drinks had all gone, glass shards outside, lighting fixtures and oven broken, stains on sofas, trashed bedrooms.

I have asked her for the list of who was there and also I got some mob. numbers.

I have texted some of those who I know of and they have given me names of some former 6th formers who caused most of the damage.

I have called the police and now have a ref. number. The police are going to interview 2 main suspects but there will be opportunity to go through it with them when they call round.

My dh and I are absolutely livid with dd. I want to ask what is suitable punishment. All trust has gone, I estimate there is £1000 worth of damage. Dh had got her a ticket to a music festival which he says he is not going to give her now and I said she cannot go to her school prom.

Please help me. I can't keep shouting at her. Some of the damage is irreplaceable. I am so saddened that our trust was misplaced.

She has offered to do the gardening in compensation and says that's what to expect from a teenager.

What punishment is suitable and how do I speak to /treat her in a kind loving way ever again?

She knew this would happen as she is intelligent which makes it worse.

[Ruprekt]

READ THE WHOLE THREAD!!!!!!!

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

Wotoodoo - if your dh is having trouble finding the parts for the cooker, I can recommend Spares Direct, and there's another company online that he's used, but I can't remember the name at the moment - if you like, I can ask him when he gets back, and let you know.

[girlywhirly]

I have used partmaster.co.uk for spares, very quick delivery.

I'm glad to hear your update. DD knows you are trying to help her as the initial shock and anger subsides, and a clearer picture has emerged about how to rectify all the problems.

[HelloBoys]

Just read whole thread. Well it certainly escalated didn't it?!

In this case I'd be thinking not of forgiveness but a boarding school, yes seriously! Preferably a convent (mine used to be boarding but wasn't and yes I went to a convent) or somewhere very strict. I say this knowing me and my peers and half of us needed far more strictness less time mucking around.

[HelloBoys]

In fact when I'd done my bad girl act (out of school mostly) my mum actually took me to view 2 boarding schools, one was a convent! It was only after I threatened to run away from the boarding school if I went there and promised to behave that my mum relented. But I behaved thereon....

[withextradinosaurs]

"DD upset because ds would not accept her apology and would not give her a hug. Ds spent all evening repairing his lego models."

Perhaps this will bring home to her that just saying sorry isn't enough sometimes.

What will she do to make amends to him, as well as you?

[wotoodoo]

Just to update, police came round, the ringleaders have agreed to write a statement and pay for damage.

In the meantime dd has taken on jobs earnestly to pay us back for upfront costs.

She is now trying to put it behind her and is concentrating on her revision.

[bedraggledmumoftwo]

That's great, glad you're getting past it.

[RuthlessBaggage]

Sounds like it was DS who got the message through in the end.

Glad things are working out. With any luck your official actions will have prevented other similar occurrences for other local parents!

[whitesugar]

You DD has learned a lot of very valuable lessons at a young age. This will stand her in good stead. She also learned what it means to have a parent who will stick by her through thick and thin, well done to you. I hope you got through the work thing ok.

Thanks to Flow for reminding us that it is fear that makes us freak out at our teenagers. I was scared witless a couple of times myself last week. I also think most folk on this thread have learned never ever ever to leave those nut jobs home alone.