Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

What do I do about rude teenage neighbour?

87 replies

MrsDrRanj · 07/04/2014 18:13

Ugh :(

Family next door have a few children, including one son I have seen around, not very good at guessing ages but I'd say around 15-17. Apparently he has a reputation for being quite naughty.

I've had the day from hell. Killer toothache, family problems and a 2 year old DS in an awful mood.

Earlier he was having a tantrum in his room. I was doing my best to calm him but to be honest he just wanted to scream. I then heard a lot of banging on the wall. I ignored (I was starting to cry a bit) but then I heard the teenage son shout (out the window I think) 'can you calm your baby you bitch'

I was MIGHTILY pissed off but nobody was there apart from a girl who I assume is his sister at a different window. I asked if it was her and she said no, she was clearly quite nervous about talking to me so I'm pretty sure it definitely wasn't her.

My question is what do I do now? I'm really pissed off and being spoken to (or shouted at) like that, but didn't want to go round there angrily as I'm pretty sure he's still a child and I'd also have had to take DS with me. What would you do?

I'm friends with a Neighbour down the road who knows him vaguely and he said he'd have a word but I don't know if that's what I want.

I've had an awful day and need someone to tell me what to do :(

My first thought was to talk to his parents, but to be honest if he has a reputation as naughty it makes me think they won't do much.

OP posts:

MammaTJ · 08/04/2014 07:13

My first thought was to talk to his parents, but to be honest if he has a reputation as naughty it makes me think they won't do much.

Sorry, I don't understand! A teen has a reputation for being naughty and you automatically link that with the parents not doing much! Does the same logic apply to tots having tantrums too? If a tot has a tantrum is it because the parents aren't interested? Or just fairly normal behaviour?

He should not have called you a bitch or banged the wall but your DS should not have been behaving as he was either. That does not make the teens parents or you bad parents, just parents at the stage you are at. I hope when you discuss it with them, they will remember the toddler years, and that you can fast forward a very few years to when your DS is a teen. It will make the conversation a lot easier.

TruffleOil · 08/04/2014 07:20

I would assume that a teenage boy who screamed "calm your baby bitch" has not the greatest parents.

Original poster

MrsDrRanj · 08/04/2014 07:51

I'd hope that a teenager understood how they should behave better than a toddler. Toddlers don't know much better.

I don't blame the parents for having a difficult teenager - I was one so I know what they can be like! But he has a reputation for causing trouble, to me that isn't just a normal phase.

I was a nightmare but I never would have dreamed of shouting that at a neighbour, and my parents would have gone ape if I ever did.

OP posts:

Original poster

MrsDrRanj · 08/04/2014 07:53

Of course I'm not saying for sure his parents aren't interested. Just that that was a worry of mine.

OP posts:

Goblinchild · 08/04/2014 08:00

So what are you going to do OP?

diddl · 08/04/2014 08:02

He was absolutely wrong to call you a bitch.

Did you just leave your toddler to scream though because that's what he wanted?

Original poster

MrsDrRanj · 08/04/2014 08:12

I didn't leave him to scream I was in his room with him trying to calm him. That's why I heard the banging and the shouting etc.

I'm going to do nothing until I've been to the dentist, this pain is making me extremely irritable!! Then hopefully I can have a word with his parents.

OP posts:

whois · 08/04/2014 08:28

Calling you 'bitch' wasn't on but it's pretty annoying leaving your toddler to scream in his room against the partition wall.

Original poster

MrsDrRanj · 08/04/2014 08:36

I didn't leave him to scream.

OP posts:

NotNewButNameChanged · 08/04/2014 08:37

Amazed a couple of posters suggest saying you'd go to the police if he shouts at you again. I don't think they would get involved, quite frankly. At the moment, all we have is a teenager shouting in his parents' house, not to your face, not necessarily even out of the window, but possibly in exasperation at constant noise. Bitch isn't the most pleasant word, but he didn't come round, bang on your door, use a lot of foul language and threaten to damage you, your baby or your property - THEN the police might have a word.

Yes, the baby can't help it but it is quite possible, as others have said, he is studying for exams and is very stressed out. I doubt there are few posters on this thread who haven't lost their rag about workmen next door or in the road with a pneumatic drill once in their lives and had a rant, whether to be heard or just to vent. But this is a 15-year old boy for crying out loud and exams are the worst stress they've ever had and often their hormones are all over the shop! They don't know that compared with later events, exams may not be the worst stress they ever have in their lives.

I actually would let this one go unless it happened again, then I would speak to the parents, mentioning both occasions, so it is clearly not a one-off and perhaps a word would be in order.

Original poster

MrsDrRanj · 08/04/2014 08:38

Would people really think it's appropriate to complain (perhaps without the bitch comment) if they heard a toddler having a tantrum next door? It would never even cross my mind because surely that's what toddlers do and what would I expect the parent to do about it?

Of course it's annoying, I wasn't exactly hit a blast either but I'm curious what other people think I should have done differently? (The people who seem to sort of be justifying his behaviour)

OP posts:

Original poster

MrsDrRanj · 08/04/2014 08:40

And I'm not even sure of his age, I've never seen him in school uniform etc so he could be over school age or just not go to school.

OP posts:

NotNewButNameChanged · 08/04/2014 08:45

So, we don't know his age (other than teenage), we don't know if he was letting off steam in his room or deliberately shouting out the window at the OP, he supposedly has a reputation but we don't know that because it's rumour....

And we don't know that it was definitely him because you only saw the girl who said it wasn't her and looked nervous about talking to you (which might mean she heard what her brother said or might actually mean it was her that shouted it)...

diddl · 08/04/2014 08:47

You didn't leave him to scream, OK.

But unfortunately for the teenager the screaming obviously happened in the room the other side of the wall to his!

FranSanDisco · 08/04/2014 08:49

He could be studying for exams or perhaps he does night work and was sleeping. As you say you don't know exactly. He could be home playing loud rock music to drown out your toddler but he's not. I'd cut him some slack this time.

Original poster

MrsDrRanj · 08/04/2014 08:50

The reason I think he shouted out of the window is because it was very clear, I don't think it would have been so clear through the wall.

And it was definitely a deeper voice than the girl had.

Maybe toothache has made me unreasonable as I'm amazed at how many people seem to think its acceptable!

OP posts:

FranSanDisco · 08/04/2014 08:58

I'd have been raging if he had shouted this to me but looking back at being a teen, to be honest, I'd have turned up the music if I was him to drown your toddler out which makes me think he's revising or sleeping. I also presume he has headphones (don't they all|?) so this would muffle the noise. Teens can't understand toddlers so expect empathy is maybe a tad unreasonable.

Can I ask if you had been feeling better would you have dealt with your ds differently?

Original poster

MrsDrRanj · 08/04/2014 09:00

I think the only thing I did differently was start crying as I was stressed and in pain!! But I feel like toddlers have strange spidey senses that pick up on when you're feeling crap and behave worse!!

OP posts:

Original poster

MrsDrRanj · 08/04/2014 09:01

And I really wouldn't mind if he had turned up some music, it was the middle of the day. Much prefer that than abuse!

OP posts:

keepcalm111 · 08/04/2014 09:07

It isn't a baby crying, it is a 2 yr old screaming.It maybe sounded to him as if the child was in distress and you were ignoring him? the use of his term 'calm '' rather than 'shut the brat up' makes me think he was thinking along those lines in which case maybe he thought calling you a bitch was justified?

Original poster

MrsDrRanj · 08/04/2014 09:12

Does that make it ok then keepcalm?

OP posts:

Longtalljosie · 08/04/2014 09:17

No, it doesn't. I think in this case I would write the parents a letter. Give it to them in person so he doesn't bin it! State that you appreciate your toddler was having a bad day and you were doing all you could to calm him - but you are sure they would want to know what happened and you hope by telling them you don't affect your relationship, as you've always considered yourself lucky to have good neighbours and you'd hate got that to change etc. That way they can respond in a logical way, rather than getting all defensive which might be their knee-jerk reaction

notnowImreading · 08/04/2014 09:23

Take the baby round to the door. Tell him you are really suffering with toothache and are struggling to soothe the baby and ask him if he will come and play with the baby in the garden (with you) for half an hour to cheer him up so that you can have a cup of tea and get your breath back. Teenagers love to say things that are rude in a way that might or might not be heard - it makes them feel adult. On the other hand, most teens are kind to small children and like to help when they can. You might find he has a heart of gold underneath.

If not, you can always go back to plan A and tell his parents. It will do your relationship with your neighbours lots more good if you can tell them how kind their son was, though.

NotNewButNameChanged · 08/04/2014 09:26

Ask him to help with the 2-year old, notnow, really??

Additional to my earlier comment, yes, bitch is unpleasant. But compared to how almost all teenagers I hear just walking down the street "can you calm your baby you bitch" is pretty mild, actually. That hardly sounds the language of a naughty teenager boy with a supposed reputation. The bitch makes it personal, I realise that, but even I have been known, after hearing a child - as opposed to baby - scream for ages and ages to shout (more for my own venting that at the child itself) "for fuck's sake, will you bloody shut up!"

notnowImreading · 08/04/2014 09:31

That's what I mean - he was venting and expressed himself really badly but if the mum is there and he sits on the floor with the toddler and tries to make it smile with a toy I defy him to want to say anything of the kind again. Teenage boys can often be baby-whispering geniuses. I'm not saying that the OP should just give him the baby and say 'you bloody do it then'; I think an appeal to his better nature might work.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread