AIBU to be fucking livid with the school?

[puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE]

My Ex (DD's dad) has been round today to say that DD's teacher had pulled him aside for a word today at the end of school. It would seem that DD hasn't being herself at school for the past two weeks and they wanted to know 'what had changed' at home!

Firstly, nothing has changed at home, in either mine or my Ex's house. My DD has been her normal self at home, suggesting that the problem is in fact in school. My Ex said that he was made to feel very inferior by the teacher, and that there was an accusatory undertone. This has annoyed me because they are assuming it's something at home, when it looks like it's actually something at school.

The bit that has annoyed me the most though is that the teacher said to my Ex that she 'knew Puds had a new partner' This is the part that has made me fucking livid. I do not have a new partner, the man I assume she is referring to is actually my best friend who she has assumed is my partner (because apparently you can't just be friends with a man ). This has annoyed me because she has absolutely no right to make assumptions about my life, neither has she the right to relay these misguided assumptions to my Ex. My Ex was abusive, and this information could have easily resulted in something quite bad for me.

AIBU? WIBU to go to the school and have a word?

Glad you got a good result and I bet the teacher wont do it again.

I don't believe she said 'friend' though. Why would she say "I know puds has a new 'friend'".

Doesn't make sense.

Still, a reasonable outcome.

Good outcome that it won't happen again. The teacher so did not say friend. Why would she think that you having a new friend be an issue. Teacher is clearly lying there.

why wouldn't the teacher have used the term 'friend'? Lots of people use the word 'friend' to describe someone they are dating when they introduce them to young children in the first instance.

Sorry, to clarify, even if the teacher HAD thought you were dating, she would likely still have used the word 'friend'.

Thank you

Well I told my Ex what she had said, and he also said she didn't say friend and why would she say friend. I guess she must have felt put on the spot and a bit nervous. Oh well, it won't happen again so it's all good

I think it's important to keep reminding other people involved in caring for your DD that your ex was abusive (as you have just done). Most a users don't wear a sign round their neck and Are well able to charm a teacher into a place where she suddenly feels a bit flustered and that she's saying more than she should. Not her fault, his.

I'm glad you got a good result op, but keep your guard up.

Coming on to this thread rather late in the day but glad you feel happier about the whole situation now. Sounds really stressful.

I must say that although your ex might have been fishing out, knowing you were separated the teacher should not have even made comments about 'friend' or mentioned anything about your life to your Ex. She should have talked to you directly. The teacher should have trodden much more carefully and avoided making comments. Your Ex might have been manipulative but she should know how to deal with that and the school should have a policy she can/should follow regarding disclosure of information. If the situation with your DD has really been going on 2 whole weeks I would question how it took 2 weeks for her to raise the issue too. I've worked in education and I would expect sth to be mentioned after a couple of days, maybe a week, but 2 weeks seems a lot to me. I would definitely keep an eye on the situation. Your DD is only 5 and she can't be expected to tell you what happens or what's wrong at school/outside.

Thanks scooter I did pull her up on the two weeks thing as quite frankly I think it's ridiculous to leave it that long. It seems it has been the past week that was the worst, but I would have rather been told about it the first day they noticed she was different as it would have been so much easier to pin point the cause of the change.

We are currently working on a theory, so we shall see how that pans out. I am also going to pop DD to the doctors for a general health check to rule anything physical out.

Well done Puds and well handled it sounds like :)

I do think that when abusive people are in our lives, they sometimes end up infecting others around us, inspiring and encouraging dismissive and disrespectful behaviour. They model it and we confirm that it's acceptable to behave like this. No idea if this is something you can relate to or not, but may be something to think about?

Also as another poster wrote:

^think it's important to keep reminding other people involved in caring for your DD that your ex was abusive (as you have just done). Most a users don't wear a sign round their neck and Are well able to charm a teacher into a place where she suddenly feels a bit flustered and that she's saying more than she should^

Thank you Misc

Thank you Wilson also for those wise words

Glad to hear its nothing sinister puds. Hope you get whatever is upsetting your dd sorted soon.

Thanks Red so do I