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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be fucking livid with the school?

89 replies

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 07/04/2014 16:28

My Ex (DD's dad) has been round today to say that DD's teacher had pulled him aside for a word today at the end of school. It would seem that DD hasn't being herself at school for the past two weeks and they wanted to know 'what had changed' at home!

Firstly, nothing has changed at home, in either mine or my Ex's house. My DD has been her normal self at home, suggesting that the problem is in fact in school. My Ex said that he was made to feel very inferior by the teacher, and that there was an accusatory undertone. This has annoyed me because they are assuming it's something at home, when it looks like it's actually something at school.

The bit that has annoyed me the most though is that the teacher said to my Ex that she 'knew Puds had a new partner' This is the part that has made me fucking livid. I do not have a new partner, the man I assume she is referring to is actually my best friend who she has assumed is my partner (because apparently you can't just be friends with a man Confused). This has annoyed me because she has absolutely no right to make assumptions about my life, neither has she the right to relay these misguided assumptions to my Ex. My Ex was abusive, and this information could have easily resulted in something quite bad for me.

AIBU? WIBU to go to the school and have a word?

OP posts:
maddy68 · 07/04/2014 17:12

I am sure that it hasn't been put that way. I'm sure that they have noticed changes in your child and they have asked if anything had changed at home. Your child had probably mentioned your friend and they are just trying to get to the bottom of the changes in behaviour.
It sounds like a good caring school tbh. They are doing the right thing. I really don't understand why your so upset?

ExcuseTypos · 07/04/2014 17:13

I'd also ask her if she discussed your "new partner" with your ex, to find out if it was her or your ex winding you up.

ExcuseTypos · 07/04/2014 17:14

Maddy- have you read the Ops posts about her abusive ex?

Original poster
puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 07/04/2014 17:14

maddy if they have disclosed that information to my Ex, it puts me in a difficult position. I'm pretty sure I explained that.

OP posts:
Goblinchild · 07/04/2014 17:15

I'm always surprised by the willingness of adults to go off like rockets on half the facts.
It's why I've always kept records of any interactions, formal and informal, so I have something to offer when they've stopped yelling and flailing and frothing. Especially if it's a family with exs and steps and partners, because some times the adults don't tell the whole truth, or they spin it a little if there is something in it for them.

Original poster
puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 07/04/2014 17:16

If she doesn't mention it, I might, although that might make things more complicated IYSWIM. If he has made it up i'll be livid with him!

OP posts:
Original poster
puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 07/04/2014 17:18

Goblin I have already said I'm not going to 'go off like rockets' at the school. Although if this has been said I will be telling them that I think it is wholly inappropriate.

OP posts:
Goblinchild · 07/04/2014 17:19

Oh good.
It just happens rather a lot IME.

Comeatmefam · 07/04/2014 17:24

OP I would be very upset too re the boyfriend comment esp mentioning it to an ex. Yanbu.

I do hope your daughter is ok, that's the main thing.

I agree with others though - stay calm. Don't assume you have heard the truth or the correct tone of the conversation from your ex, especially as he's abusive and will no doubt know your trigger points.

In fact are you sure he's not obsessed with your best friend and convinced you are a couple and trying to get at you/get the truth by creating this situation?

Quckstart · 07/04/2014 17:26

The teacher has raised a concern about a child's welfare/happiness/behaviour with a parent. That is a good thing.

The thing about a new partner is either, as someone else said, your Ex fishing or it has come from DD. The teacher isn't going to say that out of the blue.

I suspect that what the teacher actually said is that something's bothering DD, between us we need to find out whether it's school, friends or home. Ex has reported the bits that suited his ends.

Yes, do go and talk to the school but remember the teacher only spoke up out of concern for your DD.

Legologgo · 07/04/2014 17:33

If someone was concerned about my kid I would be interested, not all shitty shirty

arselikekylie · 07/04/2014 17:45

YABU to be 'fucking livid' before you've established the facts.

Original poster
puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 07/04/2014 17:47

Where have I said I'm not interested Lego? Because I am upset that I may have been accidentally put in danger by the school and chose to express that here means that I am not interested?

I am very fucking interested in my childs welfare. Her welfare is also interlinked with my welfare which could be at risk. But thanks for that, hope you feel better about judging situations you are not in.

OP posts:
Original poster
puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 07/04/2014 17:49

Yes you are right arse I stupidly took what my Ex said at face value. I guess that's what MN is for

I'm not livid anymore, just worried.

OP posts:
Legologgo · 07/04/2014 17:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 07/04/2014 17:55

Are you happy being a twat Lego?

OP posts:
Funnyfoot · 07/04/2014 18:00

I think lego may have never suffered from a knee jerk reaction stemming from fear and concern Puds.

You haven't gone in to the school all shirty, you came here to vent your anger and ask for advice. Perfectly reasonable in my opinion Puds Grin

StealthPolarBear · 07/04/2014 18:01

"You fool"
I believe that may be the mildest personal attack ever :o did someone wake up all gwumpy today?

Legologgo · 07/04/2014 18:03

I am SO concerned. Grin

and indeed fearful. Shock

Don't start a thread that might not go your way then throw your toys outta Ye olde pram

Funnyfoot · 07/04/2014 18:12

Lego I see nothing on this thread that suggests the OP is unhappy that the thread 'has not gone her way'.

In fact what I see is good advice given and the OP changing from being angry to concerned after realising her abusive EX could be the cause of this.

However what is glaringly obvious is your bad attitude and eagerness to be nasty where it is not needed nor wanted.

Go play with your toys Lego or have you thrown them so far from the pram you can't find them.

Original poster
puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 07/04/2014 18:13

Thank you Funny

No I did not wake up grumpy today, I have just been suddenly plunged back into the fearful state I used to be in and am obviously not dealing with it very well.

People making fun of me is of course going to upset me right now because I am a fucking emotional mess.

Carry on taking the piss if it makes you feel better Lego I really hope you don't ever have to post for advice on a similar situation.

OP posts:
Funnyfoot · 07/04/2014 18:17

I think stealths post was directed at Lego Puds Grin

StealthPolarBear · 07/04/2014 18:20

Yes thay was me who made the gwumpy comment puds and it wasnt aimed at you. Ypu have good reason to be gwumpy

ExcuseTypos · 07/04/2014 18:21

Why are people such dicks!Angry

The OP has mentioned she has an abusive ex and posters are telling her she's overreacting? She's come here to vent, she's said she's frightened. Fgs cut her some slack.

Uptheanty · 07/04/2014 18:25

I overreact all the time, last time I heard it wasn't a crime Hmm

I would also like to point out that op has been advised to take a breather & calm down as the situation MAY be different.

It also may not...none of us know & she can do whatever she feels on an anonymous board, isn't that the point?!