AIBU to be fucking livid with the school?

[puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE]

My Ex (DD's dad) has been round today to say that DD's teacher had pulled him aside for a word today at the end of school. It would seem that DD hasn't being herself at school for the past two weeks and they wanted to know 'what had changed' at home!

Firstly, nothing has changed at home, in either mine or my Ex's house. My DD has been her normal self at home, suggesting that the problem is in fact in school. My Ex said that he was made to feel very inferior by the teacher, and that there was an accusatory undertone. This has annoyed me because they are assuming it's something at home, when it looks like it's actually something at school.

The bit that has annoyed me the most though is that the teacher said to my Ex that she 'knew Puds had a new partner' This is the part that has made me fucking livid. I do not have a new partner, the man I assume she is referring to is actually my best friend who she has assumed is my partner (because apparently you can't just be friends with a man ). This has annoyed me because she has absolutely no right to make assumptions about my life, neither has she the right to relay these misguided assumptions to my Ex. My Ex was abusive, and this information could have easily resulted in something quite bad for me.

AIBU? WIBU to go to the school and have a word?

Thank you for the support

Ah Stealth I think the posts all merged into one Thank you.

Dont worry it was obvious

The school aren't interested in your history with your ex. They are interested in changes in your child! You are only taking an abusives exes word on this! I work in a school, I know how these things get twisted.

You need to make an appointment with the teacher and see what actually was said. Not hearsay!

In the case of an abusive relationship history schools should be and generally ARE interested because of the potential impact on a child's emotional wellbeing.

What a daft thing to say. In the school you work in have you attended any strategy meetings? Child in Need meetings or Child Protection meetings? If so I'm amazed that you didn't notice the level of interest in the parental relationship.

I know maddy if you read the thread you would see that I have said that I am going to do this.

So..

Possibly YABU to be livid with school.

Possibly YANBU to hold onto fucking-livid in case it is needed for your ex.

but NU to have anger one way or the other over that comment. time?

Thank you elf I'll take a if it's going

See the teacher ASAP and just say that her father mentioned that the school was a little concerned about your daughter, then let her do the talking. Of course schools are interested in parental relationships and you would be surprised at how much they know, and how much children tell them, but they rarely ask one parent for an update on the other parent's relationships, for exactly the reasons you are experiencing. I think your Ex has sought to manipulate you to cause trouble.

Either the school has been inappropriate, or the Ex is yanking puds chain. Being livid is an entirely appropriate response to either of these situations and having been on another thread with another abusive Ex where the OP is so ground down she can't find the strength to push back, I'd rather puds was livid, tbh.

Good luck with school today OP.

to you OP.

Rubbish situation and now you're bring forced to go on a digging expedition to find out exactly who's being rubbish and why.

In a way, I hope it's your ex. Then you can warn the school how their words have been twisted in the service of an abusive man, and make sure they are careful not to give him any ammunition in the future.

If its the school, then they need firm guidance on why what they did was wrong, and that's actually harder to do, but of course possible... Just more tricky and effort on your behalf and

I was all ready to be "well the school has a duty to ask..." but they really really should have spoken to you about it if they had concerns about you. Talk to them.

Thank you

I'm going to go in today at school finish. My DD is going to after school club so will be able to talk to the teacher without her hearing what is said. I don't like talking about her in front of her IYSWIM.

Speak to your daughter first. Find out what was asked etc by the school and what she said (but explain youre not angry with her). Confirm with the ex what was said EXACTLY as if he says something incorrect YOULL be left looking stupid. Then speak direct to the teacher concerned AND the Headteacher together and explain how you feel/felt. I would be livid too. If your ex feels insulted because of how he was spoken to then thats for him to deal with.

trying to get a 5yo to get back from the past few week is hard. I agree OP I struggle to get my 8 & 5yo to go back through the past 6hours. "What have you done today little pixies?" Is followed by a chorus of "can't remember!". YNBU, I wouldn't be livid, I'd be cross and wanting to put her in her place. I always find its best to go through the head with these things though as the head is their boss and its not your word against the teachers. Dislike the implication that you can't have a male for a friend too. If that's the case I'm in a heck of a lot of trouble!

Oh dear what a mess. Don't know what outcome I'm more hopeful for, the teacher or the ex

I would call the teacher in question and ask her exactly what was said. I think it's inappropriate for her to be speaking to your ex and speculating about your personal life when you are estranged from him. Plus, if she is concerned about your daughter she should contact both parents, not just one. Fine for her to express concern but she needs to go about it in a professional and sensitive manner.

Hmm it's not good either way is it. Good luck at the meeting op.

I am actually hoping it was the teacher, because that can be easily rectified. If it was my Ex then thats a whole new can of worms all over the place.

Going into school in 15mins to see if I can speak to her. Will update.

Thanks again

Ps. I am the picture of serenity today so no worries that'll i'll fly off the handle

Hope it goes well Puds

Thanks Funny

Boring update: She wasn't there so is going to call me.

UPDATE: Seems to be a combination of teacher and Ex

Had a good phone conversation with DD's teacher. As soon as I mentioned the "partner" thing she apologised outright. I explained that I would rather not have information like that relayed to my Ex and she said it wouldn't happen again. She did however say that she had said 'Friend' rather than 'partner', so I think Ex was trying his luck there too.

I will know in future not to take information relayed by him as word, and have been reassured by the teacher that there will not be mention of my 'friends' again. I'm glad it's sorted, should have known it was Ex being a twat.

Most importantly, we think we have gotten to the bottom of what might be going on with my DD, and have come up with a way to resolve this.

Thanks again for all your advice

Pleased it has worked out...kind of puds

Take care

again then while you mull all that over.

So teacher will be more careful (should think so), Ex is proving why it's good that he is an EX and you have a plan for your daughter. Sounds like a better evening tonight for you.

Thank you Funny and elfy

I feel so much better today than I did yesterday.