To have refused to be dominated by this man, and be shocked that other were encouraging me to do so?

[MamaPain]

Earlier today I had a row with a man in a local car park. I won't explain the specifics as its hard unless you know this individual car park, in summary, I was in the right and had right of way and he was driving dangerously and selfishly. All passers by agreed that I was in fact in the right.

There were two resolutions available, one meant me taking action and ending up being inconvenienced (also as I was going to be parking for some time, visiting my sister it may have left me liable to a fine) and the other meant him taking action and being inconvenienced. This guy, quite quickly became very aggressive (shouting, swearing and throwing his weight around) and demanded that I be the one to move.

When I refused, the (small) group of people that had gathered , encouraged me to bow to this guy's will because I apparently 'didn't stand a chance against him". I was basically being encouraged to be the 'bigger person' and walk away, despite being in the right and despite the fact that walking away would have inconvenienced me. WIBU to refuse to be physically intimidated and bullied by this tosser?

I genuinely don't know, as after it was all over this woman and a couple, slightly berated me saying this guy could have hurt me, am I stupid etc etc. Is this how we're dealing with bullying now, just allowing the person who shouts loudest to get their own way?

OMG Twinkle that is awful! Is your Dad ok? I can't believe no one helped him. Was he on his crutches at the time?

Its been interesting reading everyones comments. I think clearly people are conflicted, theres how they want to behave and then the risks involved. This thread has made me look at the situation quite differently.

Today I told DH, like a complete cowardy custard, I waited until we were both at work. He was thoroughly unimpressed. DH knows me so well and agreed that I probably could tell this guy was all talk. What he did raise which truly made me think and tied in with what Purpleroxy said about at what point would I back down. DH said he thinks I would have refused to backdown and that I may have left had this guy turned violent in an attempt to control my own rage rather than actually being screed of this guy. I sort of had to agree that is possibly true which is slightly worrying.

I suppose I do still feel the rage. I can't deny that once this guy kicked off I gave as good as I got. Maybe that influenced bystanders reaction.

Yes Dad is ok and yes he was on crutches at the time . I absolutely agree that people are conflicted about this sort of thing.

Just make sure you stay safe in future.

I'm with you mama, I too would have not backed down.

That is HORRENDOUS Twinkle, unless your dad was behaving in a totally appalling way (and by that I mean murdering kittens, BNP style rants or similar) I cannot fathom why anyone would let that happen and worse still not help him after. Totally awful situation by the sounds of it. I'm surprised he wasn't traumatised.

I personally don't want to involve police as I'm not a fan of them but I think in situations like Twinkle has described where someone has attacked another person that is clearly vulnerable then I'd definitely support them getting involved.

I have had arguments with DP about this.
I actually think I am more stubborn because I am a woman and I do not expect to provoke a macho display in men that they may use against another man. This may be misguided.
Plus, Dp and I are both white and I am not as automatically intimidated by black people as he is. (comes from raving days I guess) (I would never say that as bluntly to his face of course)

there was one day when I had my foot on a zebra crossing and a convertible with the top down playing really loud music with two black men in it came up to the crossing and didn't look like it was going to stop. I held eye contact with the driver with my foot on the road and he reluctantly stopped and kissed his teeth. Dp was furious with me for that but I just could not imagine someone stopping the car and starting a fight with a pedestrian over their attempt to assert right of way. Still less a woman. the worst case scenario would have been I would have been ignored, and then I would have given up of course rather than being run over.

I think the fact that I have remembered our disagreement about this is just about my resentment that dp thinks he gets to decide when my feelings and my convenience are ignored. I have seen him stand his ground when it suits him, but he is always telling me what to feel and what not to feel

I also like the idea of taking photos of him and his car. You also had witnesses there

In short: I fuckiyg hate being pushed around and I don't think other people should be telling you what to accept

With stuff life this I'm torn between not wanting to be bullied and remembering times where I or other people have stood their ground and been assaulted. I usually err on the side of backing down to save myself from potential danger. In this scenario, for me, a car parking space is great but not worth the risk of assault etc. You never know who the other person is. This guy was all talk, the next guy might not be. He might be the one who waits and follows you home. It's a horrible world so I back down to keep the risk down.

YANBU. I would have done the same as you. I would have also wondered whether it had been right to do so afterwards only due to the potential consequences.

Allhail, I'm not really sure what ethnicity has to do with it. I'm white (but from a minority group) and my DH is black, I've only ever been in relationships with black men (and I've nearly always lived in Hackney) so maybe I'm not too aware of the dividing lines and how relevant they are to such issues. The guy I got into a row with yesterday was black but I again I didn't find that too relevant and I don't think it influenced my behaviour.

Pimpf is probably right in that I should have done something far more reasoned and rational like film or take pictures, but as I said, I've realised that this probably had a lot more to do with my own capacity for rage rather than going toe to toe with him being the best course of action.

Probably a good thing it wasn't filmed anyway as at one point I think I might have threatened to him him with my car