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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to drive far far away from my baby and my responsibilities

67 replies

MrsSeanBean1 · 06/04/2014 20:09

I know I am being very unreasonable and I feel so so guilty. Both my babies are much longed for babies I thought I would never have. Newborn is milk intolerant, refluxy and hasn't stopped fussing all day. 2 year old has had a day of tantrums. I've got her to bed and just cried. I feel like getting in the car and driving away, leaving everything behind, so no one knows where I am. Life is so hard at the moment with the babies and my grandparents being terminally ill. I have the midnight to 5am shift to do with the baby as he won't settle in his cot and I feel like I just can't face it

OP posts:

PlumProf · 06/04/2014 20:11

Aw, Sweetheart, you will get through. This is the toughest time. Will someone else take over at 5am and let you get some sleep? Hang on to that.

scarlettsmummy2 · 06/04/2014 20:11

Do you have anyone who could come round and give you a hand?

BlackholesAndRevelations · 06/04/2014 20:12

This too shall pass! We all have days like it. Hugs

jigsawlady · 06/04/2014 20:12

Count the minutes, each minute that passes is one you won't have to do again. It'll soon be 5am.

Hugs

Coldlightofday · 06/04/2014 20:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OurMiracle1106 · 06/04/2014 20:14

Have you been checked for post natal depression?

Ask the health visitor for help. They may be able to help. There is no shame in asking.

Hugs

Original poster

MrsSeanBean1 · 06/04/2014 20:14

My husband helps (he does the 9pm-midnight shift) but mom is looking after grandparents so can't help me at the moment and my sister has her own little one. Noone else to help out. I never thought having 2 would be this hard.

OP posts:

Ratbagcatbag · 06/04/2014 20:17

Big hugs. If you search my username this was me 10 months ago, reflux is a bitch!!!
How old is your newborn? Things we tried which helped.
Humidifier in the room, reflux can irritate nasal linings etc, humidifier kept air moist and worked a treat. (Pm me, if local you can borrow mine to try as I only use it when dd has colds)
Cot mattress on a slant
Meds, meds and more meds. We lived at drs, until I finally called my consultant in tears and said fix her or take her. Omeprazole was a wonder drug for dd and changed her into a different baby. She grew out of reflux at six months old exactly. Again pm me if you want to know which order they try the reflux meds in or what to direct dr towards.
Tantruming toddlers, can't help I'm afraid just offer more hugs.

Coldlightofday · 06/04/2014 20:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

beanella · 06/04/2014 20:19

Huge

Get a cuppa, get yourself to bed and do all you can to switch off until you are up for the night shift.

YANBU. I felt like this today and I only have one baby.

thatdaisygirl · 06/04/2014 20:19

It will get better i pr

wintersdawn · 06/04/2014 20:20

it gets better promise, mine have just turned 3 and the little one is 1 at the end of this month and I remember the stage your at but honest it doesn't last forever.
deep breathes and just concentrate on each hour, which will quickly become each day. before you know it your little one will grow out of the reflux and sleep will be easier to come by.
admitting you are struggling doesn't make you any less of a mum and your 2 year old screaming is also a phase that will pass.
hugs and

3boys3dogshelp · 06/04/2014 20:24

Not unreasonable at all! I know it won't make you feel any better tonight but this too shall pass.
How old is your baby? Old enough to co sleep? I'm on my third and resisted it before but he is very refluxy and I was on my knees with sleep deprivation so I gave it a try and we are much happier now. He is 5 monyhs and definitely growing out of it now.

thatdaisygirl · 06/04/2014 20:24

I promise you! I have 4 month old now and 4 year DS and, despite having done it all once before, in the early days I was like 'remind me why we had another?' It gets so much easier after they hit 3 months- but when your shattered and exhausted its so hard to believe this. Please be very very kind to yourself and give yourself a break. Hugs xxx

DoItTooJulia · 06/04/2014 20:25

Hey Mrs congratulations on the newborn! How old is (s)he?

I only have an 18 mo and loads of help and I struggle with the lack of sleep, so god only knows how you're doing it.

What single thing could help, right now?

youmultiplememurderer · 06/04/2014 20:28

You will look back and be so proud of getting through it. My two are 18 months ahead of yours and it's sooo much easier. Hang in there

Thetimes123 · 06/04/2014 20:29

Be kind to yourself, it will get better xx

Original poster

MrsSeanBean1 · 06/04/2014 20:29

I wish I could co sleep but I'm a very anxious mother after infertility and miscarriages so could never do it. My 2 year old still sleeps on a breathing pad! Just feeling overwhelmed tonight. Also, a friend from my teenage years got in touch on Facebook today and it made me think of when I was young and carefree, with none of these responsibilities and not having to deal with illness of my loved ones.

I don't think I'm depressed but I'm not sure. I'm down in the dumps but I don't feel completely bereft and suicidal like I did during my infertility days. I think I'm just feeling down in response to things being hard at the moment.

OP posts:

persimmon · 06/04/2014 20:32

Bless you, my first ever post on here years ago was very similar to yours. It will get easier soon and this time will seem like a bad dream!

Coldlightofday · 06/04/2014 20:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

findingherfeet · 06/04/2014 20:36

Well I'm joining you please! Also had a tantrum filled day why my two year old and newborn had not stopped crying and the joys of sleep deprivation are well and truly under way! You're not being unreasonable...but perhaps a bath and large glass of wine a better solution

Original poster

MrsSeanBean1 · 06/04/2014 20:38

Haha Coldlightofday, I think that is just what I need. Maybe trying the drugs this time as I was too much of a goody goody to try them 1st time round. Stick a bit of Shamen on the stereo :-)

OP posts:

3boys3dogshelp · 06/04/2014 20:38

I felt really down and overwhelmed too a few weeks ago. I wasn't depressed just ridiculously tired. X it will get better I promise. Would your oh swap shifts with you for the night? I find it really hard to deal with things in the early hours when I'm already tired. Even if your sister has her own lo could she look aftet your toddler during the day for a few hours to give you a break?

Coldlightofday · 06/04/2014 20:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PansOnFire · 06/04/2014 20:43

YADNBU, I have one and feel like this some days. As the others have said, it will get easier. I'll leave the advice to those who know better, but your feelings of anxiety and being down in the dumps sound pretty normal to me. I get like this and to bring myself back up again I focus on only 3 things that will be achieved in the day, usually things like have a shower, make myself at least one meal and empty the dishwasher. When I get those things done over the day it gives me a sense of success, even though they sound trivial and easy. It really helps to drag myself out of despair when I know there are a few things I can succeed at during the day.

Life is about to get so much better than your teenage days, looking back on my teenage years makes me feel nostalgic and in the days of my screaming newborn would make me want to run right back there. I feel so differently now.

Things will get much easier, they really will.

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