To want to drive far far away from my baby and my responsibilities

[MrsSeanBean1]

I know I am being very unreasonable and I feel so so guilty. Both my babies are much longed for babies I thought I would never have. Newborn is milk intolerant, refluxy and hasn't stopped fussing all day. 2 year old has had a day of tantrums. I've got her to bed and just cried. I feel like getting in the car and driving away, leaving everything behind, so no one knows where I am. Life is so hard at the moment with the babies and my grandparents being terminally ill. I have the midnight to 5am shift to do with the baby as he won't settle in his cot and I feel like I just can't face it

Oh god even a screaming newborn wouldn't make me want to be a teenager again!
Mmm warm lager...its been a while since I've had a drink. Pls can I join in??

;-)

Ah I once lay in bed dreaming of driving down the hairpin bend near my home and crashing. It will get better, it really will. Try to talk to someone. Will your OH be able to take over for a bit while you just sleep it off? Can you try to get someone to take over for a while tomorrow while you relax a bit? Your sister or a friend? Even a few hours made a huge difference to me. Please be gentle to yourself

Oh I remember the first month after dd2 was born. The 2 year olds behaviour was hellish. Tantrums lasting all day and all night until dawn. Seriously.

It got better, we are now 5 months on and she is so good with her little sister now. It will get better.

If you are breastfeeding have you considered alternative diagnoses of reflux like over supply, tongue tie or cows milk protein intolerance?

Sympathy from a mum of a former reflux baby. Going from 1 to a refluxy 2 is hard. I felt like I was failing everyone and had the urge to go out and keep walking. I had anxiety too and couldn't cosleep etc.

I did actually go on ads for anxiety but it may have been pnd. Ds improved on meds too and it all got a lot better. I wasn't suicidal but I wasn't coping.

It will pass but it might be worth seeing the GP.

YANBU.

I had infertility and miscarriages too so when I had my first it was like a dream come true, when I got pregnant with DD it was like all of my dreams come true. There was almos exactly two years between them and it was everything I ever wanted yet I couldn't work out why I wasn't happy. DS was in that screaming phase so I felt guilty because I felt like I'd caused it, I ruined his life by making him share it with another child. DD was sickly so I was afraid to love her in case anything happened to her, she was only ever sick with treatable things (thankfully) but I suffered awfully from anxiety and read this series of bugs and nasties as symptoms of something far more sinister. More than once I considered leaving DH to it and just heading off into the sunset to start a new life, one where I wasn't being pulled in twenty different directions and had no responsibilities.

It passes. It really, really does. By about three months in things were different again, by six months it was all good. They're now 4 and 2, they have their moments but mostly it's lovely. They play together and they really do love each other, DD tells me every day that DS is her best friend and DS is always shouting for her to come look at this/let's play that/I need to show you something awesome (usually just before he leads her into trouble!).

We've recently had DC3 so I'm back in that sleep deprived, hormonal, knackered stage. I've had days where I've thought to myself "what the hell have we done?!" and then I feel like shit for even thinking it. But I keep plugging away because that's what we do, we keep going and things change and they get better.

Just keep going, it won't always be this hard.

If you're anywhere near me I don't mind sitting with your baby while you have a shower or a nap or even a hot cup of tea, I'll bring my baby, they can have a play date :)

I have a 2.5 year old and 7 month old and know this feeling well. It has been so much harder than I ever thought it could be, but it is gradually getting easier. You need a sleep, even just a few hours. Can anyone help even for a short spell over the next couple of days? That will make the world of difference. I have found aptamil lactose free and ranitidine have helped reflux, and agree soya is a very common one to cause problems if there is a sensitivity to cows milk already. I hope it improves for you soon. It will be ok, just take it hour by hour xx

My DD was refluxy and it turns out she is lactose intolerant. Since she's been on special formula, she has been a totally different baby.

At the beginning she never slept. I got through it by making sure she was safe and happy (but awake! Always awake!) and then watching Netflix on my phone with my headphones in. It sounds bad, but it gave me a break.

I didn't have a toddler to deal with too, so you have my utmost sympathies. Just remember- it will get better!

Breast feeding was a disaster. I had loads of milk, he would drink gallons of expressed milk but lose weight. No idea why and no one could help me despite consulting so many lactation consultants. Tried to get him onto milk free milk (tried pepti and neonate) but was admitted to hospital as he lost so much weight. They couldn't get him onto it either and gave up in the end as he got so thin. He is now on his original hipp organic milk with colief drops and carobel (thickener) added which has helped. We tried ranitidine and domperidone but he literally screamed for hours in pain after each dose so it was worse than the reflux and made my anxiety worse. Everything that has happened so far with this baby happened with my first. She did improve at 5 months when I early weaned her so I just have to hope he improves then too.

I remember really quite dreading the evenings when my DC were very little -- it was the awful realization that even though I had worked hard all day, and survived, and deserved a good sleep and yet I wouldn't be getting one. . . I would think about how I used to like going to bed, getting in the covers, settling down and closing my eyes and my DH still got to have that but I was facing the barrel of the nighttime wakings.

Curiously, I didn't actually hate being up in the night, it was more the anticipation of what was to come that I hated.

My DC are very close now, and sleep 12 hours a night. It wasn't always this way but it will be that way for you, too.

Courage!

That sounds really hard op, more than just usual new baby stuff. How old is he now? My youngest has statted early weaning the last 3 weeks and his reflux improved overnight. Fingers crossed it happens again for you too. Could he have an intolerance to something other than lactose??
Have you heard of homestart? I haven't used them but my neighbour with twins said they were amazing. Volunteers who come to your house and help watch children or baby while you can get stuff done. Might just take the pressure off a little and let you rest in the evening.

Sounds awful for you. How's tonight going for you, so far?

I'm so sorry :( I have only one ds and even I remember days I just wanted to drive off by myself and leave everything behind. Of course I never would and loves ds to bits. It gets better :)

Not a great night. Baby is fussing and not feeding well

Poor you! I'm up with mine too. Just thought I'd say hi. The nights are so lonely sometimes!

Oh love. This was me. I had a refluxy newborn and an 18mo who wondered what the hell was going on and why mummy wasn't all his anymore. I used to have to leave the baby screaming in her bouncy chair at 7pm for five mins while I frantically read the toddler a bedtime story before settling into my evening of sitting on a bouncy ball jigging the screaming baby on my shoulder while hating my DH for being at work. I felt like the worst mother in the world because all I wanted to do was run away.

It's a cliche but it really does pass. I'm sitting on the sofa tucked under a blanket with my wonderful 4 year old on one side and my gorgeous, inquisitive 2.5 year old on the other, watching Frozen and cuddling them. They are awesome little people so I obviously didn't damage them too badly in their infancy. This will be you in a couple of years, I promise (well maybe you won't have a Disney film on at 8am, but you know what I mean).

Do try the Drs. Meds didn't help DD's reflux but I know a lot of people have found them invaluable, and be kind to yourself. I think we all feel wistful for the uncomplicated days of our youth sometimes!

Morning OP, just wanted to chip in and say I think you are coping fantastically given what you are experiencing. You have deffo had it very, very tough.

I had a very sicky/ crier newborn. My anxiety was awful, I couldn't sleep even when she did. ADs have since banished all that anxiety (and pnd) - but I am no suggesting you need them, just if you ever do - they worked for me too :)

I would also second contacting home start. My friend has help as she has a toddler and baby very close in age.

I hope it all passes for you soon - it does :)

Thank you everyone for your support - it means a lot. I attempted to take my toddler to her art class this morning. Baby was snuffly all night and didnt sleep. Not sure if it is the reflux/possible milk intolerance or if he has a cold. Was all ready to walk out of the door at 8.45 after an hour of stress trying to get us all dressed when the baby projectile vomited over everything and everyone including the car seat. We did make it to art class 15 minutes late but at least we got there. Have just come home and cried though.

hugs your way ...
Perhaps try the docs today re: baby snuffles? You could maybe have a chat about how you feeling too.

Just wanted to add my life experience.

First baby....an absolute dream! I couldn't understand mums who said it was hard work! It was a breeze!

Second baby...non stop crying/never slept... Combined with looking after my toddler!

Like you op, I sometimes thought I could walk out the door and never come back.

I thought I would never sleep properly again or have an evening meal with my dh in peace!

Fast forward a few years and I reached the light at the end of the tunnel. My screaming baby is now an absolute delight.

I know it feels like it will never end but things DO get easier!