Dh should have asked me first

[Edenviolet]

Before agreeing to babysit dn for the weekend.

Nothing against her, she's a lovely little girl but we are absolutely pushed to our limit with our own four dcs and mil asked dh not me and he agreed without asking me.

Aibu to think he should have at least asked me before saying yes?

He may have been put on the spot...If my sister asked me i would say yes and then tell DH...Depends how little she is and how much work it will be for you, or does he help a lot?

Will he be doing the babysitting himself? If so yabu but I do understand where you are coming from.

If he expects you to look after her then you are definitely not BU!

oh and yes, he should of really said "let me check what Hedgehog's plans are for this weekend and confirm" i guess

Yes he should have asked. If he is committing your time as well as his, . It is not his unilateral decision to make.

Depends how much of the childcare he would be doing.

If I was asked by my DM/Siblings I would have said yes, without asking my DH and we also have a lot going on.

We both look after our dcs, dh does a lot but we are really really pushed to our limit as our dcs have health issues. Dn is lovely and well behaved but it is just the added responsibility, what if dn is unwell etc etc it would be so difficult.
Its also the fact that ml and sil have not even mentioned it to me which is odd.

I agree to babysit my goddaughter and brother without asking my husband first. I check with him after but he wouldn't have any other plans or I would know about them and say no.

Will it screw up any of your plans for the weekend? I can imagine eg if you have a car that fits all of you but not extras so you'd either have to take two cars or somebody not go or all not go that would be really annoying.

And yes - just out of politeness he should have checked with you before saying yes.

What would happen if you rang mil and said 'actually it's going to be really inconvenient this weekend, dh forgot about xyz when he said yes as he was put on the spot'. Even if you still had dn for the weekend might make the point to her and remind her to ask both of you next time!

Would you have asked him if they'd asked you first ? Honestly ?

In your shoes, with how little help the families give you, I would be furious!

Our car has a spare seat in it and we have a spare bed, from what I can gather it is a family party and the general tone seems to be "hedgehog and dh can't go out anyway so they may as well babysit as they will be stuck in with their dcs"

If they'd have asked me and not dh I would have run it by him, we had a hugely busy stressful time with our own dcs so always usually check with each other so I was surprised he didn't this time.
Like I said though, dn is lovely and dd2 loves seeing her so it will be ok, I just wish the favour would be returned at some point!

Yanbu. I would be annoyed too. And annoyed at the assumption that you couldn't go anyway so may as well babysit.

Regarding returning the favour- looking after one child is not quite the same as looking after four.

I have no doubt that you could do with the break- but as someone used to looking after one- the thoughts of looking after 5 for a whole weekend would have me clinging to a winebottle! (this may explain why I don't get asked )

I'm not saying it's right or fair- but it's my gut feeling. However I do agree with the others that your husband should have checked if taking your niece affected your plans.