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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A bit sensitive...would you buy a seriously overweight child an easter Egg?

58 replies

arselikekylie · 04/04/2014 15:12

The child in question is a close relative, she's 6 and she is very, very overweight. This is mainly due to a terrible diet but also possibly in part due to her genes.

I have thought of getting her an Easter craft set or soft toy instead which I'm sure she'll love but I know she'll be wondering where the chocolate egg is too as that is what she and her siblings look forward to.

I'm thinking I probably will get her a smallish one as in the grand scheme of things an Easter egg off me isn't going to make much difference but would you say this is the wrong thing to do?

Her mum doesn't think there is a problem with her weight and has ripped the heads off any professionals that have expressed concerns. She isn't a particularly nice person and refuses to take any action to help her DD.

OP posts:
17leftfeet · 04/04/2014 15:13

Are you planning on getting her siblings chocolate eggs?

WhoNickedMyName · 04/04/2014 15:14

I wouldn't. But then I don't buy any Easter eggs, I prefer to give a book or something.

MoominIsEightNinthsManatee · 04/04/2014 15:15

No problems getting her an Easter craft set as long as it's what you get her siblings too.

If you get a chocolate egg for her siblings, get one for her too. She'll notice if she gets something different and it's perfectly possible, even at her age, that she'll know why the difference is there. Feeling humiliated won't change a thing at that age if her mum is determined to be blind to it; it'll just make her upset and there's nothing she can do about it without the help she clearly isn't getting.

kernowal · 04/04/2014 15:15

Please don't make this little girl seem different to her siblings, by giving them chocolate, but not her. You must treat them all in the same way, so a small craft set for each of them would be a lovely gift.

Velvetbee · 04/04/2014 15:16

I wouldn't either, book, toy or craft set sounds lovely, as long as you get similar for siblings.

Imnotmadeofeyes · 04/04/2014 15:17

Whatever you decide you need to do the same for her siblings and cousins etc. if you want to be truly diplomatic about it all.

I don't think it's particularly unusual for some people to decide that they're not going to give chocolate for Easter these days. Some kids are inundated with the stuff so buying a book or colouring stuff/stickers is fine imho.

MamaPain · 04/04/2014 15:17

In the situation you've described, yes I would get her an Easter Egg. Having an Easter Egg isn't the issue, and if her parents aren't going to do anything about it, you not getting her one will just single her out.

Not getting her an Easter Egg doesn't make a point about being healthy and happy, it will just be seen that she hasn't been given a chocolate egg. Only you and maybe the adult will be aware of the point you are trying to make. Even if the child was aware I'd find that worse as at 6 she shouldn't be conscious that you think she's too fat to have one.

It would be better to buy her a book on healthy eating or encourage her to take up a hobby involving exercise (I don't know what your level of involvement is).

badidea · 04/04/2014 15:17

I wouldnt' get any of them chocolate. We have a no chocolate at easter rule in our house, so DS1 has only ever got clothes or a small toy at easter (apart from CM who usually foists chocolate on him - we used to be able to hide it from him, but not these days). And I've only ever got my niece clothes.

Shakirasma · 04/04/2014 15:17

What about getting them all one of those breakfast sets, with plate spoon, egg cup etc, they come with a real life egg sized chocolate egg?

EvaBeaversProtege · 04/04/2014 15:18

Get them all the same.

Otherwise it would just be a cruel act she'll remember as an adult and spill on an MN thread of hurtful childhood events

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 04/04/2014 15:18

Absolutely agree with Moomin. Getting her something else Easter related is a lovely idea - but you must get the same sort of thing for her siblings too.

At 6 she will understand why she has a craft set or book when her siblings have chocolate, and will be upset.

rowna · 04/04/2014 15:21

I'd get her an Easter present instead or give her a few pounds in a card to choose something in the toy shop. But you'd have to do the same for all of the siblings.

Original poster
arselikekylie · 04/04/2014 15:30

I definitely wouldn't get her siblings an egg and not her. Just trying to get an idea what you all think. My judgement is rubbish at these type of dilemmas.

OP posts:
Ihatemytoes · 04/04/2014 15:30

No I wouldn't.

CbeebiesIsAboutToPop · 04/04/2014 15:40

I wouldn't personally give chocolate, one egg from you isn't going to make a huge difference, but the attitude of Easter being a chocolate gorging festival annoys me! It doesn't help overweight children learn how to moderate especially when they are so young Sad

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 04/04/2014 15:42

In that case then, yes, your idea of getting them all an Easter craft set or similar is an excellent one Grin.

Or, as the weather is supposed to be improving, how about some sort of outdoor toys for the family as an Easter present? I was in Tesco last night & they have all the bubble swords, skittles, balls, hula hoops etc. out. My DSs would have loved that sort of thing when they were younger (16 & 13 now).

CbeebiesIsAboutToPop · 04/04/2014 15:42

Sorry doesn't help children, especially already overweight one learn how to moderate

Sirzy · 04/04/2014 15:45

Won't make any difference in the grand scheme of things,

That said I am not buying chocolate eggs for any children this year, simply because they get so much I would rather buy them some clothes

oscarwilde · 04/04/2014 15:45

Let her mum buy her an egg. Why would any child need more than one anyway? old school
Santa's suggestion is good, plus it will encourage her to be physically active with her siblings.

bakingtins · 04/04/2014 15:47

Get all the siblings non-chocolate presents. If it's something that encourages them to be active so much the better. Kites? Stomp rocket? Gardening set? As long as she is not singled out it'll be fine.

BurntPancake · 04/04/2014 15:48

No I wouldn't, I wouldn't get her siblings one either. A non edible gift for them all sounds like a good idea.

NewtRipley · 04/04/2014 15:48

I agree, it won't make a difference in the grand scheme of things, so really the point of not buying an egg would be to make yourself feel better or to try and send a message.

That said, there's no harm in Easter presents other than eggs - I don't give eggs to my nephews and nieces because I know they'll get plenty elsewhere

Joysmum · 04/04/2014 15:48

We don't do eggs in this house. My mum respects that, my dad and step brothers don't. So my dd gets eggs from them and everyone else either spends time with her or gets stationery, which is her first love.

EEatingSoupForLunch · 04/04/2014 15:49

I agree it won't make much difference what you do if the mum is in denial, but I would go with the active toy set for all the siblings idea. I just wouldn't feel good giving an overweight child chocolate, even in small quantities.

NewtRipley · 04/04/2014 15:49

Sirzy

I completely copied your wording Blush Not even conscious of doing it