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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask your opinion of who should look after our sick toddler this weekend?

63 replies

PuffyPigeon · 03/04/2014 09:30

Dd, almost 2, has had a sickness bug for the past two days. I've been looking after her and other dd all day and night, dh has been working. Older dd is at her fathers this weekend, my dissertation is due on Tuesday and the plan is dh was going to look after our toddler and have his dc at his mum's so I can work in peace. I'm behind on my dissertation because last time dh was due to have dd so I could work he took on some over time, he's back at work on Monday.

If he takes dd then his dc will probably catch the bug so usually we'd try and keep them separate. Contact is court ordered and his ex is not amicable at all so no negotiations are possible. If I kept dd to avoid dsc getting the bug I could apply for an extension but I'm not guaranteed to get it, plus dh is away next weekend for a pre-paid stag weekend so I wouldn't have any time to do it anyway.

Who do you think should care for dd?

OP posts:

MyBootsAreMuddy · 03/04/2014 17:42

Even if DH left dd with you and went and had his other dc they could end up with it anyway as you and/or DH could also have the bug by then anyway, or be carrying it.
If it was me i would let their mother know and say i was still happy to have them but seeing as tgeir off on hols would understand if she wanted to change days. That way it leaves the ball in her court.

If you think dd would ve happier at home then could DH have them there and you go to MIL or library yo get your work done?

AnnieOats · 03/04/2014 18:30

Annie it's not that she wouldn't keep them, it's that she wouldn't replace contact and may actually stop it altogether for not putting them first.

I think that's a shame and can't understand why any parent would be awkward about their DS seeing the other parent but I still think you need to let her know for your SDD sake as it's not only exw's holiday that could be spoilt but your SDD became ill.

You don't mention how old your SDD is? Is she old enough so that your DH could explain to her about how they may become ill if she comes over to your house?

Original poster

PuffyPigeon · 03/04/2014 21:13

Annie there are two dsc aged 8 and 9 who would be completely understanding. They can't be left with mil as the contact order states that dh must be present at all contact.

MyBoots I meant dd would be happier at home with me,not at home in general.

Ikea I haven't left it to the last minute on purpose. The dc have been alternately ill for weeks, I've been pregnant sick and tired and dh has been working or with dsc the vast majority of the time.

OP posts:

Original poster

PuffyPigeon · 03/04/2014 21:14

Missing the stag do isn't optional as he's the best man and the groom is terminally ill

OP posts:

Famzilla · 03/04/2014 21:23

Sounds like your DH does what he wants with no regard for you, your child or your career. He needs to sort this out with his ex wife, why should you be the one that throws their life away for someone else's unreasonableness?

Sorry. This wouldn't even be an arguement in my house.

maddening · 03/04/2014 21:28

any chance of getting a baby sitter to look after dd in your house with you there or one of his parents coming to yours to look after dd while you study and dh has his other dc at his parents?

NoodleOodle · 03/04/2014 21:37

You need to get your dissertation done, it is a priority. DH will have to work out what to do with the children. Do not let it get passed off as your problem. Have the people who are suggesting you 'just' try to get an extension or work harder in the evenings ever tried to juggle a dissertation with looking after children?

wheresthelight · 03/04/2014 21:38

I would get dh to sell it to exw as "as you are going on holiday next week I thought it was fair to let you know that dd has a really nasty sickness bug and as puffy has some uni work to complete I will be having all the kids at my parents, unfortunately there is no way round this without swapping weekends. I am happy to still have the kids but thought I should let you know in case you wanted to keep the kids this weekend to prevent any risk of anyone else becoming ill and ruining your holiday"

Hopefully she will see that dh is not being an arse and has her best interests at heart iyswim

Ot doesn't work on my dp's exw but worth a try!! At least if she is given option then she can't blame you guys when kids get sick

Original poster

PuffyPigeon · 03/04/2014 21:39

Famzilla he hasn't argued. He didn't see an issue and was just going to take dd along as planned. I just didn't think that was fair on dsc.

OP posts:

Original poster

PuffyPigeon · 03/04/2014 21:40

He has said that wheresthelight. She said she'll keep them to save her holiday but ignored the part about an alternate weekend

OP posts:

JaneinReading · 03/04/2014 21:41

It's court ordered so don't change it. If he doesn't want his steps to catch it then he will need to take toddler and himself to a hotel or some other relatives for the weekend. Tough. Life is like that. we look after sick children. Often other children are exposed to germs. If necessary they can buy those masks the Japanese wear to stop germs, wash their hands and minimise the time they are in the same room as toddler.

wheresthelight · 03/04/2014 21:50

Puffy - make sure it's all written in case she decides tonally funny feckers in court! But I would leave it as it is then if she has accepted that dh not having the kids this weekend is better considering dd is so poorly!

I disagree massively with the poster saying dh is putting his second family first - he doesn't have a second family, he has one family of which 2 of the members live elsewhere most of the time. you seem to be massively projecting your issues onto this post rather than actually offering any constructive advice.

Kids get sick, it's shit but unavoidable and in most cases I would say it's tough luck and if the older kids gets sick then so be it, but the holiday changes the balance of the argument massively and actually I think that your dh is putting his older kids first by being concerned about the risk of ruining their holiday by them getting sick. He is prioritising them over your dd and your uni course. The poster saying otherwise is talking a lot of BS imo!!

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 03/04/2014 22:10

It's sound as though your DH's ex has saved your bacon! The issue about alternate contact isn't surely that massive as long as your DH usually sticks to the court order. You said DH is having the older children for 9 days soon anyway. He can make things up to them then.

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