To just want to know what's wrong with me and get my life back. Everything's such a bloody mess :(

[JulietBravoJuliet]

Not really an AIBU but don't know where to post or who to speak to. I'm so fed up.

Until October last year, I was in good health, then I herniated two discs and was laid up for a few weeks. New Year's Eve I had an accident resulting in a brain haemmorrage which laid me up for another few weeks. Since then, I've felt like crap. I'm permanently shattered, I ache all over. My elbows, knees, hips, back, neck all hurt all the time. I've got no strength at all and I feel bruised all over to the touch. My IBS has gone off the Richter scale and I'm not sleeping despite being so knackered I can't keep my eyes open; I lay in bed physically and mentally knackered, yet it takes hours to fall asleep as my heart is racing and I'm in pain all over. Once asleep, I wake up loads as I get cramp and pins and needles in my legs.

I've had blood tests done and was prescribed vitamin d as my levels were low. This is now normal but I still feel like shit. They've checked for rheumatoid conditions but found nothing. It's affecting my life and I'm so fed up with feeling like this.

I've been looking for work, as I was made redundant last year and have only been working 16 hours a week since then. After applying for over 70 jobs, I have, this week, been doing a trial in a cafe locally. It's fairly demanding work and I've been on my feet all day, but it's still less hours than I used to work (was doing 7 days a week, 55 hours at one point), yet it's absolutely killing me. I'm coming home feeling weak and shaky, my heads pounding, everything's hurting and I have no energy whatsoever. I feel my home life with ds is suffering as I am knackered, snappy and just want to curl up in a darkened room. I need this job, I'm enjoying it to an extent, yet I'm sat here in tears at the thought of going in tomorrow morning because I just feel so bloody drained :(

I've got another appointment at the docs on Tuesday, but I do to know what else I can do. Doctor has suggested I might be depressed, which I admit I probably am, but I wasn't before I started feeling like this, so I don't think depression is causing this iykwim.

I need to get myself back to normal; ds is currently being assessed for possible ASD, my dad's not well and I need to have the energy to work and deal with their needs as well. I'm so skint it's beyond a joke but I'm really panicking at the thought of being this knackered every day. I'm not coping at all :(

Sorry for the essay, I just need to vent somewhere. I'm just so fed up.

Oh no! Sounds awful. Nothing useful to say but sending you my sympathies.

Is there anyone that would/could support you while you recover? Surely you shouldn't be working but resting and healing? I know you might not have a choice but if there is anyone close to help you maybe reach out?

That's terrible, what an awful run of bad luck you've had. I'm no medical expert but you don't sound ready to return to work given the nature and timing of your health problems? What does your doctor say?

If you feel you are depressed, please do look into treatment for this. It might lift a good bit of the fog and maybe have positive effects on your energy levels. How old is your DS? Does anybody help you out or are you on your own?

worth trying ads?

but i would also add that you wont feel like this forever. I went back to work after 6 weeks sick leave and i felt drained for a few weeks but then got used to it again

I'm on my own. Ds's dad has him on a Friday night (when he remembers to pick him up from school, but that would be a whole other thread!). Family wise, I have my dad who is 67, has osteoarthritis, COPD and liver cirrhosis due to drinking. He lives 10 miles away and I visit to take him shopping etc. I've got friends but they've all got their own families and own lives. Not many people are willing to take ds as his behaviour is challenging to say the least! I've been really struggling finding other work as so many jobs are advertised as needing you to be flexible between 7am and 10pm etc and I just can't be that flexible as there's very limited childcare in the village where I live.

I'm currently working 16 hours a week in the local shop, which I can just about manage, although more than 4 hours at a time wipes me out. I'm having to claim housing benefit which I hate doing, and I really want another job. This week, I've been working 8-2 at the cafe, then 2.15 til 5.15 at the shop, with ds being dropped off to me after school, so he stays at work with me til I finish. I'm dead on my feet. I'm 35 years old; I should be able to handle full time hours but I can't do it. I just can't imagine being this tired and feeling this shit forever :(

Sorry, ds is 8.

Poor OP, sounds as though you've been through the wringer.

Without wanting to pour cold water over you, I tend to agree with Morris that you don't sound fit enough at the moment for the demands of this particular job.

What has the doctor said about your other symptoms? Is he putting them all down to depression?

I've been back at my shop job since a few weeks after my accident, as they are fab and let me just do what I can manage. I joined a gym, as I thought getting fit would help and would strengthen my back, but I'm struggling like hell to even manage one session a week. I feel like an old woman at the minute!

Hi Juliet, I had to respond because I have been dealing with something similar for the past two years. In a nutshell I went from being a super healthy active sporty person to being exhausted, in agony with aching joints, hours on end of palpitations and then periods of time where I lost my speech and coordination on my right side. It was truly awful and the worst part was that Boone could tell me what was wrong. Eventually, after a huge number of misdiagnosis I found out I had a virus which has a " meningil quality" hence my speech problems.

I have no idea if this is what you might have but I will say that I am doing a lot better now but the symptoms resurface if I overdo it or get any other bugs. In between I am well. Do you think this could be your bodies reaction to your other health problems? My go told me it can take a long time for the body to recover from things like this. You absolutely MUST get proper rest that is for sure. Your body is telling you that.

I had some great support from people on the health board so you may want to post there.

I really would lay off the gym. I found taking a rest from exercise utterly depressing but I just couldn't manage it. Happy to say I'm walking a lot now and feeling good but running is still too challenging.

It really does sound like you have taken on too much too soon. I know that won't be very helpful, but you will still be in recovery from your brain hemorrhage. You don't say how bad it was or where the bleed was, but any brain injury has a long recovery time and will also affect your mood. It's frustrating as you will get better quickly to start with, and then it will take a long time to really get back to feeling 100%. Unfortunately, regardless of your age, it's a big ask to expect to be working full time also as a single mum after such a physical knock.

I know that isn't helpful in terms of what you practically can do - I am sure it is very difficult to get a desk job with the hours you can do, but try to go easy on yourself.

Good luck

Pumpkin the doctor seems to think a lot of it is psychosomatic but I disagree as I wasn't feeling in the slightest bit depressed until I started to hurt. I'm not sure whether some of it (tiredness etc) is a side effect of the brain injury. You're probably right and I need time off, but I just can't afford to. I'm claiming all the benefits I'm entitled to, but I need to be earning more as I need to run a car to enable me to care for my dad. I'm just so fed up; I've always been fit, healthy and energetic and I don't feel like myself at all.

I obviously don't know you but I relate to the frustration of all your symptoms being put down to being depressed. I say that as someone who HAS been depressed.

I just wanted to give you this or this if you'd prefer, as it sounds like you are having a really tough time. Anyone would be feeling the strain under the conditions you describe and I know that a single mum and is mainly raising the DC alone the worries are worse when one gets sick. Might it be worth getting something from the doctor to help you sleep better - just for the short-term to get the rest you clearly need? All best.

When you saw a rheumatologist did they examine you for fibromyalgia? I have this and it came on after herniated discs. Another 2 friends who also have also have back problems.

Supercosy yes, I've suffered from depression in the past and I recognise the symptoms. I totally admit that I'm feeling low at the minute, but it's because I feel so crap. The doctor just won't accept that though! It's so frustrating.

RainyAfternoon I had a subarachnoid haemmorrage, caused my an impact to the back of my head. It was fairly serious and I narrowly avoided having to have surgery. I guess I probably do need longer to recover, I just can't see how I'm going to make ends meet in the meantime.

Ask your GP to do blood tests for thyroid and anaemia. I didn't notice you mentioned your age but it could also be a hormonal imbalance/menopause.

Either way you must tell your GP that aches, pains, pins & needles cannot be assumed to be "psychosomatic" unless and until s/he has ruled out every other possibility.

wizard my doctor doesn't believe in FM I also mentioned to him about Lymes disease, as I was bitten by a tick late summer last year, and the symptoms of that are similar to FM, but apparently they can't test for that. I'm seeing a different doctor on Tuesday so hopefully might get somewhere.

olgaga I do have an under active thyroid which I've been on medication for for a few years! but this is checked regularly and is fine. My iron levels are fine too apparently. I've had 4 lots of bloods done now and, apart from low vit d which is now sorted, they tell me there's nothing wrong. It's so frustrating as I just want to feel well and be able to work properly again.

Not sure where the random ! came from there.

Crikey op, I find it really frustrating on your behalf. I actually left my go when, after I' d spent a week on the neurology ward with no speech, told me I was " trying to overmedicalise my situation and loads of people go through stuff like that"!!! I changed gp.and the difference was amazing. Wonder if you would consider that? I also had accupuncture which not only helped me feel better but was so.comforting because the brilliant woman doing it did not give me that horrible doubtful look that I'd got from my go. She treated me holistically and talked about the way the body can react to trauma in these powerful ways. My new gp said exactly the same.

X post. Sorry you are already seeing another Dr. Good for you.

I don't have any amazing words of wisdom but I just wanted to encourage you to look after yourself, this is a horrible thing to have happened. The thing is, as you know, if you are physically exhausted ill and tired it affects you mentally so the two things become entwined. I would not rule out ADs if you think they may help even though they won't solve the cause of the problem.

I don't think you can possibly work two jobs that length of time I would be exhausted too, one will have to go. I get you need the car, but you can't run yourself into the ground til you collapse or get really ill as you won't be able to drive or go and see him then anyway- you may also have an accident.

You need to get your strength back over time, so no gym, no extra work, just keep your existing job and put your additional energy into your son and your father.

I can understand why this is awful you have a lot resting on your shoulders. I hope you find out what it is- certainly make them pursue every avenue, this isn't normal.

you need a flipping rest. after my brain event, i slept nineteen hours a day for four months.

you've been through loads and loads of stuff. don't rush to make it right. if you can stay at home and focus on you and your ds for a bit, do so. 'back to normal' might not be the normal it was before all the stuff. you might be different. that's not wrong.

start being nice to yourself. ask for help.

By the way, I've just googled Lyme's disease and you can test for it. Your doctor means he doesn't want to test for it. Change GPs and dig down to what's going on. My husband was ill for two years saying he'd never felt so bad and got the brush off, it took the whole two years to find out what was wrong but I'm very glad we didn't give up. You know this isn't normal for you- perhaps it is the brain hemorrhage, perhaps it is something else. I wish you the best.