To just want to know what's wrong with me and get my life back. Everything's such a bloody mess :(

[JulietBravoJuliet]

Not really an AIBU but don't know where to post or who to speak to. I'm so fed up.

Until October last year, I was in good health, then I herniated two discs and was laid up for a few weeks. New Year's Eve I had an accident resulting in a brain haemmorrage which laid me up for another few weeks. Since then, I've felt like crap. I'm permanently shattered, I ache all over. My elbows, knees, hips, back, neck all hurt all the time. I've got no strength at all and I feel bruised all over to the touch. My IBS has gone off the Richter scale and I'm not sleeping despite being so knackered I can't keep my eyes open; I lay in bed physically and mentally knackered, yet it takes hours to fall asleep as my heart is racing and I'm in pain all over. Once asleep, I wake up loads as I get cramp and pins and needles in my legs.

I've had blood tests done and was prescribed vitamin d as my levels were low. This is now normal but I still feel like shit. They've checked for rheumatoid conditions but found nothing. It's affecting my life and I'm so fed up with feeling like this.

I've been looking for work, as I was made redundant last year and have only been working 16 hours a week since then. After applying for over 70 jobs, I have, this week, been doing a trial in a cafe locally. It's fairly demanding work and I've been on my feet all day, but it's still less hours than I used to work (was doing 7 days a week, 55 hours at one point), yet it's absolutely killing me. I'm coming home feeling weak and shaky, my heads pounding, everything's hurting and I have no energy whatsoever. I feel my home life with ds is suffering as I am knackered, snappy and just want to curl up in a darkened room. I need this job, I'm enjoying it to an extent, yet I'm sat here in tears at the thought of going in tomorrow morning because I just feel so bloody drained :(

I've got another appointment at the docs on Tuesday, but I do to know what else I can do. Doctor has suggested I might be depressed, which I admit I probably am, but I wasn't before I started feeling like this, so I don't think depression is causing this iykwim.

I need to get myself back to normal; ds is currently being assessed for possible ASD, my dad's not well and I need to have the energy to work and deal with their needs as well. I'm so skint it's beyond a joke but I'm really panicking at the thought of being this knackered every day. I'm not coping at all :(

Sorry for the essay, I just need to vent somewhere. I'm just so fed up.

It sounds like you've had a few really awful months. For what it's worth, my first really serious depressive episode manifested in exactly the kind of physical pain you describe in your OP. All my joints and muscles hurt, all the time - I really struggled with the three flights of steps up to my flat and I was only in my 20s. There was nothing else wrong with me: I was "just" depressed. Not much comfort because depression is shit, but there may well be one remedy for your fatigue and your physical pain and your low mood. I hope you feel better soon.

Hi Juliet

A few points

First off the doc has a point about the psychosomatic symptoms.
Even if you don't think you have any signs of depression or low mood, the fact is your body will still throw up quite a few symptoms to bring this fact to your attention. People forget just how powerful the mind is, and mind and body are connected always.

The symptoms you describe sound like something I had around 10 yrs ago, it was a virus and no pain killers touch it. Even now I get flare ups, it's auto immune the minute I fuss about something could he something simple, my body will give me IBS symptoms and awful bone pain especially in my hands, legs ex.

Lovely I am a qualified psychotherapist and counsellor, from what I am reading your body has had a huge shock to say the least, it's crying out for attention and if it thinks your mentally ignoring it, it will ramp up the symptoms till you can no longer can.

May I suggest you ask your GP if you can see a counsellor, preferably not a CBT one but one who is integrative, if you lock stuff down inside, it will come out whether you like it or not.

Another point is is your bed good enough? Mine used to cause me awful problems numb legs etc.

Rather than gym go for a swim, it's more supportive on joints etc
lastly listen to your body, whether you like it or not slow down your getting in to a fight with body vs your mind if either one loses it's still you remember that.

Get signed off claim disability benefits if you can, but you need to look at all the factors here.

www.anxietycentre.com/anxiety-symptoms.shtml

Have a read of this, they're all here. I don't like the term 'psychosomatic'. It suggests your symptoms are imaginary but that's not true.

Not suggesting you are depressed by the way.

[http://www.patient.co.uk/health/generalised-anxiety-disorder-leaflet]]

This is another good link which explains why anxiety can cause your symptoms, what may have triggered it (trauma) and why it's so tiring to be anxious.

However, please don't underestimate the amount of recovery you may need following a brain injury.

Another suggestion that might help with the pain and pins and needles - you mentined herniated discs and your head injury - your spine could be causing a few problems. Can you get to a chiropractor? Or an osteopath?

Thanks for all the replies :) Just catching up after another long day at work.

Today I've been offered the job I've been trialling this week. I've explained how I'm feeling at the minute and they've offered it me on lower hours; 3 per day plus a day off in the week, which will be much more manageable alongside my other job, and, with tax credits, I'll actually be able to manage on the money for now.

I'm going to check out Headway as a lot of people have suggested them, and hoping I can get somewhere with the alternative GP on Tuesday.

I've seen a chiropractor a few times and found them brilliant, but just haven't had the funds to see them on a regular basis. Gym wise, I've just been doing a yoga class plus the treadmill and a few weights, but the gym are currently installing a hydrotherapy pool which will be awesome :)

My bed has a quite expensive, fairly firm orthopaedic mattress with a memory foam topper and is very comfy in comparison to others I've slept on so I think it's ok.

I think you're all right in that my body is objecting to not being rested enough. I'm going to ask for some sleeping pills I think. Just need to try and clear this head fuzz and maybe things will start to look brighter. I'm off on a cheapo Sun holiday at Easter and I can't wait to just have a week of relaxing!

Juliet, I had a lot of those symptoms and was treated with medication for anxiety and they vanished almost overnight.
As far as your body is concerned there's not a lot of difference between actual physical flight or fight situations and mental stress.

I have to agree with MsWedge, I take an old-fashioned antidepressant (amitryptaline) for neuro pain. I do think that as I'm taking it at an antidepressant functional dose (100mg) it's also helping the depression that has come from all the rescheduling of our plans after my admission.

I'd try ads if offered, I were you.

I was prescribed Amitriptyline a couple of months ago. I took them for about 6 weeks and all they did was make me completely incapable of getting up in the mornings! I stopped taking them after being late dropping ds off at school for the third time, as they didn't seem to be helping. I was also prescribed Diazepam when I did my back in, which didn't seem to do anything unless I took them with a Tramadol, when I became very spaced out and slept for the best part of a day! I've been very, very tempted to take that combo again...!

I will speak to the doctor about AD's on Tuesday :)

I know depression and anxiety often come together but not necessarily and you sound like a lot more of the latter.

Recognise some of these?
dizziness
•tiredness
•a noticeably strong, fast or irregular heartbeat (palpitations)
•muscle aches and tension
•trembling or shaking
•dry mouth
•excessive sweating
•shortness of breath
•stomach ache
•feeling sick
•headache
•pins and needles
•difficulty falling or staying asleep (insomnia)

taken from
www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Anxiety/Pages/Symptoms.aspx

All of the above but only since my head injury. I wasn't anxious in the slightest until then. It's hard to know whether all of this is side effects of the accident, or a separate problem.

New job have given me the day off today, so just got 2 hours to do for my other job this afternoon. Sat watching JK with a cuppa and a packet of biscuits It's a treat to have a relaxing morning to myself!

An accident/illness is often the trigger for anxiety.

Well the reduced hours aren't happening; I've been given 32 hours this week and told I might have to stay later some days, which I just can't do. It's killing me :( my right arm is hurting so much I can't grip anything, my hips are as sore as hell and I'm so tired all I want to do is sleep. And cry. Then sleep some more :(

I don't know what to do. I should be able to cope with a full time job; I've always managed before, yet I just can't manage this. I feel like shit. Back at the docs tomorrow tea time but not sure what they can do as the work situation is something only I can sort out. Just want to get in the car and drive far, far away and not come back. Except I'm too fucking tired :(

My mum had similar symptoms for about 18 years. She has recently ish been diagnosed with Sjögren's syndrome.

I know how you feel. I have something autoimmune but no one will give me a diagnosis. I am showing symptoms of lupus but it's not that as I don't have mouth ulcers according to the rheumatologists (I have a lot of blood markers). I am showing some signs of sjorgrens lately but haven't seen a rheumatologist for a while as discharged back to gp. Trying to get a referral back to another one (one in London I've been recommended - def not seeing the ones at my hospital again). Also have raynauds and a gene for ankylosing spondylitis which is a form of arthritis which I'm not showing symptoms of yet (thank god).

Anyway I am with you with the fatigue. It's awful. I am about to start a 17 week placement (am a student nurse) and I don't know how I'm going to manage that long working full time. I know at the end of it I will be qualified and have to be working full time permanently. At least before placements have been 6ish weeks and then I've had a stint of uni to recover.

Found out today my vit d levels are low so started supplements today.

Take care. Try not to worry about the hours. Take things a day at a time. The sleep thing must be a nightmare. Thinking of you xxxx

OP, I'm so sorry about the work situation. Can't you go back to your boss and reiterate what you said last week? This is really unfair. I've been recovering from a monster virus that I had a few years ago and which made me extremely ill. It now resurfaces, briefly, every time I get another illness or overdo it. My doctor told me it is normal to feel like this, sometimes for several years after a serious health problem/virus etc.

I cannot state this clearly enough. You need to rest. If you do not rest you will not get better. I completely agree with this from GuiltyPleasures

from what I am reading your body has had a huge shock to say the least, it's crying out for attention and if it thinks your mentally ignoring it, it will ramp up the symptoms till you can no longer can.

Your body has had a tough time over the past few months, you are only a few months from your brain event...that alone is enough to require alot of rest.

I hope things start to improve for you op, I fully understand how upsetting this is. I was in such a state of fear, resentment and disbelief when I was ill and it took a very long time for me to learn to understand and accept that for the time being I would have to make changes to my life. Thankfully I am now feeling 100 times better than I did a year or so ago although I'm still working part time and am not working out besides walking. Now I can say quite sincerely that it's ok, just different to how my life was before. Take care of yourself.

IBS ALONE can really wipe you out, and I've also had two disc operations and a radical hysterectomy. The point of me telling you this is- are you still on opiates? If so, your bowel could be impacted if they haven't been giving you a decent laxative such as movicol. Mine came to a head when I hadn't eaten for two weeks, and my bowel was on the verge of rupturing. I wasn't passing anything. When they gave me movicol, I instantly felt better mentally too- my friend who is a nurse said that amount of toxin build up can cause serious problems brain wise and bowel wise- the bowel stretches and then even when blockage gone, you still have uncontrollable IBS and accidents.

I'm really sorry but my advice would be to find out what meds they've been giving you, and start from there amd reduce if you can. I found morphine made me really depressed, and tramadol to. Co codamol wasn't so bad but OMG thr overflow constipation was hell. I hope you find so,e answers soon x

Well the doctor has ordered a load more blood tests and prescribed me Naproxen. He said what a lot of people have said; it was a very serious brain injury and it will take time to recover. When I said I had taken on another job, he responded with, "What on earth for? You need to be resting not running yourself into the ground even more"

Realised I didn't finish! He said I may well be suffering from some kind of PTSD from the accident and it maybe worth looking at counselling and anti-d's if this lot of bloods don't show anything conclusive.

Juliet your doctor is right you DO need to recover. The frustration at not firing on all cylinders is understandable. It IS depressing but that doesn't necessarily mean you are 'depressed'

Do you know much about your thyroid levels or do you leave that to the GP and take the medication? The way you are feeling currently is probably mostly to do with thyroid problems Vitamin D deficiency and IBS IMO. That is without even considering the additional injuries you have suffered.
There are threads on here that you might find of interested. Do a search for threads with Thyroid in the title, you will read some familiar sounding frustrations and symptoms.

Do also look for a thread on "spoons" or look at this.

You may always have been able to hold down a full time job in the past, but right now you can't, you just don't have enough "spoons". Trying to will just make you ill. Can you get your Doctor to talk to your employer? Are there benefits you can claim?

I "just" have a low Thyroid, and realise there are some days I can't do as much as others, and at present mine seems to be pretty well controlled. Stress is not good for your Thyroid levels, never mind everything else.

I've been living on a low wage plus benefit top ups since I lost my main job and I hate it, hence the desperation to get more work, but I guess at least my body will have time to recover.

Correct me if I'm wrong someone, but I would assume that a brain haemorrhage would result in some of the same symptoms as a stroke.

With a stroke you get bruising around the area of bleeding. After about 2 weeks the swelling and bruising reduce and they can work out the damage. But.... and here's the big but.... it takes a LONG time for the rest to recover. Depending on where the haemorrhage was, would depend on the type of damage.

My DFather still has slightly numbness on the RHS of his body, because of the damage to the LHS of the brain - the brain doesn't recognise the signals the nerves are sending. He has to check water temperature with his left hand, his slipper flicks off his right foot because he doesn't grip it properly, and can't really feel it properly. Straight after the stroke he was 'blind' on the RH side, because the brain couldn't read the messages the eye was sending.

The emotions can be affected (all there in the brain!) so your moods are very understandable.

You need to give yourself time to heal. Even a year won't give you full recovery, and you're only just over 3 months down the road.

You're right; the NHS page starts with the words "a subarachnoid haemmorrage is a type of stroke". I'm just impatient and I want to be better NOW lol I just feel like my life has changed so much and I hate it.

I can understand that, but if you push it too much now, you will delay your eventual recovery. Do you want that?

Take some time to think things through and make a plan. Why not do something now that would involve bettering your prospects for the future?

Use this time to your benefit, and REST you silly billy!!!!