Booked a venue for dd birthday. Now everyone wants to come back to ours after....

[jollybloodyhockeysticks]

Aibu?
I booked an all inclusive (ie food and entertainment) venue for my dd's fourth birthday.
We have a large extended family and the thought of entertaining them all in our humble abode would have been a logistical nightmare.
Invites went out months ago for said party. Everyone has replied to say they would love to come.
Now my in-laws (large numbers) are asking if we are meeting before or after.
In my mind,the whole point of paying for a venue was to save myself from having to host and cater for huge numbers...now I feel pressured into doing both. Family members are an hours drive away. Any thoughts?

Just say no confidently. You need to have space to get ready before and your dd will be tired afterwards.

Is the party just for family or ate they worried she'll be too busy playing with her friends to notice them?

Just say that you are not meeting before or after and you will see them at the venue. Any argument , just be blunt and say that if you wanted them at home you wouldn't have hired the venue.

rpply that the venue is where the party is and the reason you booked it was so that everyone would not be playing sardines in your house no you are not being unreasonable

Suggest a pub to meet up at afterwards... then your DD will be too tired from the party and you have to go home and leave them to it :)

"No, we will see you there". And stop. No "sorry" or "not really". Just no.

Just say neither, the party is at the venue. Have a plan so you can dodge attempts to be with you before or after. A party is a lot of work without adding ad hoc hosting on to it.

Tell them you'll meet them at the venue? Or, better yet as you said they are in laws, get your husband to tell them. Is there a back story with them? Otherwise I can't see the problem.

How about replying:
Well as we've organised and paid for lunch (presuming it's a midday-ish party) I'll let you organise dinner, just let us know which restaurant/venue you want to meet in. Looking forward to seeing you all, Jolly x

We've just had my DS's 4th birthday party at a soft play centre. It was bliss. I walked out the door with a cake, a candle and bag of party bags and that was it. The venue organised everything else and tidied up afterwards. What could be better?

If anyone had suggested they come to my house to mess it up (more than it already is) I'd have given them very short shrift!

Actually scrap that, a simple "God no, I organised the do at an outside venue so I didn't have to cater and host, but we're happy to meet you somewhere after if you fancy organising it."

Should be fine.

I think this is one of those very rare situation where the Mumsnet classic advice of "No" is a complete sentence is actually appropriate

Just say you have to get to the venue early and will have to stay after the end of the party to collect everything so won't be able to meet up before but will see them at the party.

Just remember to be graciously accepting if they then decide they can't come....

.... especially if they are making it a threat so you relent!

Hubby's words:

"I know you’re not happy about it but I just feel a bit awkward that a load our family are coming and will just disappear after a couple of hours"

Tell them you'd love to go to the pub after the party but would they like to stay and help you scrape icing off the floor?

You could tell DH, that before he offers he should be aware that any post party catering, tea making and tidying up are down to him? It will be the last time he ever offers with any luck.

Do these family members include some kids?

You might just have to suck it up but maybe don't provide a load of food. Say they'll have eaten at the party.

You could tag on the end the bit about a lovely kid friendly pub up the road with a beer garden if anyone wants to stop off there on the way home.

He may have a point of course. How long is the venue booked for and for what time?

Definitely suggest a pub after! Then you're free to go and leave them to it...

An hour away really isn't a massive distance, don't be made to feek guilty.

Would your dh help out normally if you had a party at home?
If you need to compromise I'd say go on somewhere afterwards. Or is it an option to stay at the venue? If not, the pub / park / local visitor attraction?

To be fair - if I didn't have children and was attending a kids 4th birthday party to be nice to family, see their kids and catch up with them generally I'd probably like to extend the day.
a) they'll be the hosts and there will be other ppeople there that they'll have to speak to
b) I'd be hanging out for a drink after a kids party
c) Party food isn't generally substantial. Assuming it's an early afternoon party, I'd probably want to squeeze in an evening meal before hitting the road.

If you don't see the Inlaws a lot, then I'd compromise with picking a local pub and accept that DH probably isn't coming home to help with bedtime (though it would irritate the hell out of me)
If you see them all v regularly, then I'd just say NO and get him to make his excuses along the lines of "Are you mad? We'll have to take DD to the park to run off all that sugar and then put her to bed early. It's going to be a nightmare".