Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

To persevere with 2 year old at Pre School even though it feels wrong

93 replies

MrsSeanBean1 · 01/04/2014 16:55

My 2 year, 2 month old DD started at preschool last Friday. She goes 2 mornings a week 9am until 1pm, having her packed lunch there. It is the absolute ideal Pre School. 2 staff and only 6 children, Montessori, very child led, lots of outdoor play etc.

Last Friday she went in quite happily as she was very interested in the toys. I said bye, left and she carried on playing. When I collected her I was told that she cried for about 10 minutes then was fine. After I picked her up she seemed fine.

Today she clutched my hand as we approached the school and was clingy the whole time I was there. I said bye and the teacher distracted her. When I went to collect her I heard her crying hysterically and she clung to me all the way back to the car. They told me she had been crying all morning. She didnt join in with anything and hasn't ever eaten her lunch whilst there. At home this afternoon she has been clingy and wouldn't let me leave her to nap- something which she has never done before.

I am a stay at home mum so DD doesn't need to go to pre school. I sent her really as she has speech delay and I thought it might help her . I have just had a new baby so i was worried that she is missing out on my time a bit now. Also I felt pressure as all my friend's 2 year olds are in nursery and I am worried my DD is bring disadvantaged. I have a Masters degree in Early Years and all of my research tells me that 2 year olds ideally should be at home with someone who loves them. Logically I know this but I think that society places such pressure on parents to put their children into nursery as soon as possible. Obviously I know that some people have no choice but to me, in my situation, it feels wrong to leave my DD so upset.

I really want to stop taking her and maybe try again in September when she's a bit bigger. My mum agrees with me but my sister thinks I should persevere. I am worried that I am being too precious as I know I can be due to her being a much longed for child after years of infertility and miscarriages.

I am a former early years teacher so I do do a lot of educational activities with her at home. She sees her extended family every day and we go to a baby group every day so that she can socialise. Normally she is confident and sociable which is why her being so upset is a shock.

This afternoon I sat watching her playing naked in her paddling pool and sandpit with her little cousin and her grandma, and i cried. She was so happy and content she didnt stop laughing. She had lots of hugs and kisses, and then ate an enormous tea. It made me cry as I just thought that this is what being 2 is all about so why am I forcing something that is making me and her unhappy.

I really have no idea what to do and would value other people's opinions.

OP posts:

badhairdecade · 01/04/2014 21:26

OP,
i haven't read the whole thread but my DC1 did the same thing with nursery at 2years 9 months. So i had to take her out. Then she was fine with pre-school at 3 years, 4 months. She also had speech delay but this was due to glue ear. DC2 started at 3 years. We've always debated whether we should have just forced her to go to nursery earlier, but we feel we've done the right thing. And whilst they are not as advanced as the kids that went earlier, they were happy at home. Plenty of time to advance.

crispyporkbelly · 01/04/2014 21:31

I think you've made the right decision op. have a lovely day tomorrow with your lovely daughter :)

Paintyfingers · 01/04/2014 22:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mumminio · 01/04/2014 22:10

+1 for keeping her at home. I sent my baby to all-day daycare 5 days a week, 8 hours per day. It kills me, and he cries every morning. Please keep her at home, lots of hugs and kisses and enjoy the precious time together.

Greentriangle82 · 01/04/2014 23:01

Sorry to hear about your grandparents .
You've made the right decision, enjoy your babies and trust your instincts x

Original poster

MrsSeanBean1 · 02/04/2014 01:24

Thank you everyone for your replies. I am up with the baby for my night stint with him so I'm going to email the Pre School now and withdraw her.

OP posts:

MummyBeerest · 02/04/2014 02:06

Hi OP-

Just read your thread and wanted to say you're an amazing mum doing an amazing job-jam tarts? With a baby? WHO DOES THAT?

Also, you're a very special person to dedicate all your time and attention to your extended family when you have so much going on at home. I think you're just running yourself ragged!

Glad that your DH is being supportive. Take care of yourself

JapaneseMargaret · 02/04/2014 07:23

I was having this exact convo with a friend at the weekend, and she is (rightly) making the same decision as you.

Early Childhood Education is really important - it provides great foundation skills and teaches little ones how to learn - but you have plenty of time before she needs to be formally enrolled, so make the most of that, since you have the option.

My DD started Kindy a month ago, aged 3.7. She wasn't ready any sooner than that, and having started now, with a decent settling in period, she is loving it. Which is how it should be.

And agree with others who say you need to cut yourself some slack in terms of your DD's speech delay. It's not your fault, and it's not because of something you have or haven't done.

NigellasDealer · 02/04/2014 07:25

she is a baby for goodness sake, she does not need to to 'pre school'

Original poster

MrsSeanBean1 · 02/04/2014 09:02

There is another '2 years old at Pre School' thread now so it's interesting to read about 2 year olds who do seem to have settled well.

OP posts:

Marvintheparanoid · 02/04/2014 09:11

Please listen to your instincts. My DD went into preschool without a backward glance at me, but DNephew was terribly clingy. He was also speech delayed, maybe that causes the insecurity? He finally started preschool at 4, when he was ready, and is a perfectly well adjusted primary school kid now. Keep her with you, try again in September, or even next year.

Original poster

MrsSeanBean1 · 02/04/2014 23:50

Something happened today which has convinced me that I have done the right thing in withdrawing her. I took DD to her weekly Musical Steps class today. Normally it is her favourite class of the week and she gets so excited as we go up the path towards the SureStart Centre where it is held. Today she was a bit quiet. Once inside she joined in enthusiastically as usual but kept glancing at me (normally she barely looks at me for the whole hour's session). She also ran to me on about 5 occasions, sat on my lap, grabbed my arms and wrapped them around herself in a big bear hug. This made me feel awful as she is obviously feeling insecure. She has never done this before, usually she barely acknowledges my existence when she's dancing at one of her classes. She also usually loves to dance with the class instructor, holding her hand etc. but wouldn't today. The instructor was so surprised she asked me if she was poorly!

She is definitely not ready for Pre School. It has obviously shaken her confidence so I will work hard to build it back up. She was such an independent little girl before, everyone used to comment on it, which is why I thought she'd be ok with me leaving her....obviously I was wrong.

Anyway, we had a lovely day today. We did all the things I had planned to do, she had a lot of cuddles, tickles and kisses from everyone, and I will continue to reassure her that I won't be leaving her again for a while. She spent an hour sharing books with her great-granddad sitting in his wheelchair (which she loves to do) and then soaked her great nanny with some enthusiastic dolly bathing - she is such a tonic for them and I am so glad that they get to spend lots of time together before anything happens to my grandparents.

OP posts:

Original poster

MrsSeanBean1 · 03/04/2014 00:05

Just wondered if there is anyone in the Shropshire/Telford area who has a 2 year old at home (with or without speech delay) who is looking for other mums with 2 year olds to socialise with as I could do with extending my circle of mummy friends.

OP posts:

Christinedonna · 03/04/2014 01:03

I'm so happy you've made a decision and you're confident with it. There's so many parents these days that will palm their children off at any given opportunity but listening to how much you care and are all about your child's happines is beautiful to know that there are plenty of excellent parents still about like yourself. You should be very proud of yourself and your children. Enjoy your precious time with your babies before they're all grown up!xx

WilsonFrickett · 03/04/2014 09:20

Can I just - gently - suggest that while her confidence has had a knock, don't read too much into it and don't build pre-school back up into a big 'bogey' thing for her - she will after all have to attend it at some point!

And please stop blaming yourself - you tried something, it didn't work out, you changed it. Just move on cheerfully.

storynanny · 03/04/2014 09:57

Preschool is not compulsory though. I have taught some children in reception who have never been to preschool, becoming rarer now though. I personally think that just 2 or 3 terms is sufficient for a lot of children for a variety of reasons. I stress that is my own opinion though and am not saying it is right for all children.

crispyporkbelly · 03/04/2014 11:25

Try Mumsnet local, op

Goldmandra · 03/04/2014 11:56

I'm pleased you've come to a firm decision and, FWIW, I think your LOs are very lucky to have you and their wider family to give them such wonderful loving experiences.

Flip

1 2 3 4