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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be p####d off about this?

126 replies

babyjane67 · 01/04/2014 15:46

im a school lunchbreak supervisor at my dds primary
shes5&a half so in reception
in early hrs of mon morn she woke with tummy ache&was sick
shes also had an awful barking productive cough for last wk or so
anyway shes been off school yest&today due to the sickness which has also turned to diarrhoea a few times since yest
I rang in yest saying she wouldnt be in&neither would I&cuz of the48hr 'law'the school has that the kids arent allowed back in til after last incidence of it didnt ribg in today as assumed theyd expect me to ring again tomorrow which I will
anyway school rang me this pm&asked when I'll be back in&i said well dds still not well
so she said well cant you arrange for someone to look after her?
I said no ive only got my ellderly mum whos got copd&has her good days&bad.plus I wouldnt want her to catch it
she said well isnt there anyone else?
no I said there isnt
so she said well can u ring in morn pls&let us know if youll be in
so I explained I will but didnt yoday cuza48hr thing to which she said yes for the children! Shock
so it left me thinking wtf??
do they really want me to spread the germs around even if I did have someone to leave her with which I dont!
thought work place are sposed to be more flexible about this now?
especially as its a school!

OP posts:
ikeaismylocal · 01/04/2014 19:10

What childcare options are there for looking after an ill/vomiting child on a very irregular basis? If you don't have local family who don't work what are you supposed to do?

I think it is a good idea to call work everyday, just to give them an update on how you/your child is feeling so they can plan for the rest of the week.

I hope your dc is feeling better soon.

Nanny0gg · 01/04/2014 19:16

Having worked in a school for over 10 years did you never notice that staff weren't being told to take 2 days off every time they had a cough or a bug?

My school had the 48 hour rule for staff as well - if they had D&V.

I take it as there weren't many takers for the dinner lady role, your school doesn't have people they can call on to cover?

exbrummie · 01/04/2014 19:17

Redcatblackcat I said I was lucky that I didn't have to work but people didn't seem to see the bigger picture when saying I could have.
Obviously if I had needed to work it would have been a different story.

UncleT · 01/04/2014 19:19

usually no, it shows actually that those who take their jobs seriously, understand their role and impact on others, get support and a reasonable degree of flexibility to deal with genuine crises, but that's not what's going on here. It shows that people are sick of making serious efforts themselves to go the extra mile to attend work and deliver, while watching a stubborn minority of working parents get paid the same to make their lives harder by not being prepared to make similar compromise or sacrifice. It might sound harsh, but we've seen virtually no appreciation of the employer's or workmates' positions here whatsoever from the OP. In that context, it's not harsh at all. Working life can be bloody difficult for everyone, but most deal with it while some expect everyone else to deal with it for them. Nobody is saying no flexibility at all, quite the contrary in fact. You can't just expect to disappear for several days though when children suffer pretty routine illnesses. I've seen the parent of a child going through years of of gruelling cancer treatment show ten times more dedication than some of the people I'm criticising here, and it made my blood boil.

flowery · 01/04/2014 19:19

YABU. It wouldn't be at all obvious to them that you wouldn't be in the second day. Perhaps they quite reasonably expected you and your partner to cover a day each.

usuallyright · 01/04/2014 19:20

there are no options for most normal people.
Mumsnet does make me laugh.
Telling you to just drop off your sick child with a 'friend' or 'emergency childcare' whatever that is. I don't know a single wohm in the real world, including myself, who has dropped off a sick child with a friend. I've got good friends but none happy to take on a d&v or virus infected kid at a moments notice. LOL!!

UncleT · 01/04/2014 19:22

Yes nanny - if THEY have D and V. Not their children, friends, or anyone else that's not them.

ICanSeeTheSun · 01/04/2014 19:26

I'm am sorry but your partner needs to step
Up and take responsibility for caring for a sick child.

Joules68 · 01/04/2014 19:28

So you have grown up dc too?

Well can't they help? Or their partners?

UncleT · 01/04/2014 19:30

usually I don't buy that in every case either, I'm afraid. With us, a bit of probing often reveals that no effort or consideration is given to the partner or spouse taking time off. Again, this will vary from workplace to workplace, but for many 'normal' people actually there are options - not always ideal ones, but we regularly see many parents thinking beyond the obvious and doing everything they can to get back to work ASAP. If there's genuinely no option then that should be fully reported and considered by the employer. If it's a genuine case and not a regular habit then most will be afforded the necessary flexibility. Instead though, we see someone failing to update the employer on second day, show no appreciation of the impact of her absence on others, and be 'pissed off' that the employer asks for info. Most 'normal people' take work more seriously than that. We also went from there being no options to not wanting to ask others when the child's ill. And yes, make the other parent do his bloody part, or at least make serious attempts to do so.

RiverTam · 01/04/2014 19:30

'Am I going to leave my kids with some random person or ask a friend to take my d&v afflicted child for the day so I can work?'

no, I'm going to involve my child's own bloody father and split the time off needed with him! Why is that so hard to understand?

flowery · 01/04/2014 19:33

But usuallyright the OP does have options, she has a partner!

And if she didn't have a partner, she should have made reasonable efforts to ring round and see if she could find someone to keep an eye on her DD for a couple of hours. If she really couldn't, she should then have rung in and said so. Instead she just didn't turn up for work.

K8Middleton · 01/04/2014 19:37

Yabu.

Could your partner not have taken annual leave or a long lunch break or time off in lieu to help out? Your sick child is the responsibility of both of you.

An employment contract is very simple: you agree to go to work and in return your employer agrees to pay you. There is some additional flexibility for parents and right to emergency leave but the fundamental aspect of turning up to do the job you agreed to do in return for pay remains.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 01/04/2014 19:38

YANBU
They didn't just call to ask when op was coming back. They called and harrangued her about trying to get someone to look afte her dd.
One of the parents needed to be off work to take care of her. It's so tiresome to her the wingeing "why can't DP take time off, it's his dd too?" we'll, maybe it's harder for him, maybe he earns more so it makes no sense to risk his position, maybe as her parents, op and her DP just decided it works best for them for op to have been with their dd.
Hope your dd is all better soon.

ikeaismylocal · 01/04/2014 19:38

there are no options for most normal people.

That is what I thought. I would share sick days with my dp but I wouldn't drop ds off at a friends house if he was puking/feverish/contagious. The only friends I have who are at home on weekdays have small babies/toddlers I'd prefere to send the contagious child to school/nursery where they probably caught the germs in the first place that expose even more people to the germs.

I also would want my child to be with people they know well and they feel comfortable with.

K8Middleton · 01/04/2014 19:39

The op's job is for 1.5 hours. Seriously her dp or a neighbour or a friend couldn't cover that even with a day's notice?

Jolleigh · 01/04/2014 19:40

Or at the very least, call her employer on the 2nd day of absence to let them know she's been unable to find alternative child care?

People aren't being harsh to the OP for being unable to find alternative childcare. They're being harsh because she's pissed off that her employer isn't clairvoyant and wanted a phone call, the same way the vast majority of employers would want. They can't try to cover her if they don't know she's not going to be there.

UncleT · 01/04/2014 19:42

I'd also point out that the law supports fairness to ALL when considering flexibility in the workplace. There's a statutory duty on employers to consider fully requests for flexibility from those caring for children, but it's also clearly defined that it's acceptable to deny such requests where the impact on other employees or the business would be unreasonable. When that balance tips too far, it's at least equally the employer's fault for allowing it to happen.

K8Middleton · 01/04/2014 19:44

Sorry 1.25 hours. See, even less.

I hate this "dp's job is more important" bollocks. If you have a employment contract it is your responsibility to meet the terms of that contract. It's rubbish attitudes like that that give working parents a bad name Angry

Original poster
babyjane67 · 01/04/2014 19:46

my eldest child is a ft mum, her hubby works&my other child works ft
uncle t I said theres no one cuz there IS no one!
my friends would no more expwct me to have their d&v infected kids than I would expect them to!
my dp works away alot of the time so him 'doing his bloody bit'as someone put it is not often possible!

OP posts:
ikeaismylocal · 01/04/2014 19:47

The op's job is for 1.5 hours. Seriously her dp or a neighbour or a friend couldn't cover that even with a day's notice?

Maybe you live locally and would like to care for a puking child tomorrow? Would you go and look after a neighbours contagious child? I wouldn't unless it was an emergency.

UncleT · 01/04/2014 19:47

Amanda - If it all starts to come down to who earns the most and who might be 'risking more' then that's really all we need to know, isn't it? It's completely unreasonable to impose more difficulties on one employer and workplace but not the partner's, just because the wage might be lower. I'm not saying it's necessarily that straight a choice here, and I get the practicalities for the individual, but the principle you effectively suggest is grossly unfair.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 01/04/2014 19:48

I wouldn't have-thought t was sensible for someone who was looking after a vomiting, pooping child to rush into a school refectory and help with lunch time tbh.
DH would normally be e one who took time off, as his work is more flexible than mine. Outside of us there is no one else who could look after our DCs (especially sick - why spread it about?) in those circumstances.
Do ppl just leave their DCs with random neighbours? I bloody hope not.

GinSoakedMisery · 01/04/2014 19:49

I'm a lunchtime supervisor, and I don't think you have any reason to be pissed (sorry p####d) off.

Just because your dd is odd sick does not automatically mean your entitled to be off.

And I'm not surprised your employers didn't just assume you'd be off. It's a job, not a hobby. If you're off your position still needs to be filled so adequate notice to do so is always helpful.

Twighlightsparkle · 01/04/2014 19:51

I'm shocked at some of the responses on here.

Are you saying you need time off to look after your ill child and they are questioning that and suggesting you find someone else to look after her but you can't as you don't have anyone?

They are in the wrong, you are entitled to parental or careers leave your employer wil be your local council, ask them,or look on their website for info.