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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to now be thinking it was U for someone to say she didn't want to 'poison' her baby with formula?

95 replies

emeraldgirl1 · 31/03/2014 20:01

Knowing, as she did, that I had ff as I had really struggled with bf a year ago?
Been thinking about it since she said it (last week) and it's actually irritated me more than I thought at the time.
She's a fairly new mum so of course I can forgive lots of silly things being said in the haze of hormones and sleep deprivation.
But I've been hormonal and sleep deprived in the recent past too (actually I'm still massively sleep deprived; her answer to this was to tell me she'd be getting in a sleep trainer at 6m and she couldn't understand why people allowed sleep problems to go on so long... again knowing that my DD is a non-sleeper...) and I've never called anyone else's feeding choices 'poison'...
Just feeling a bit peed off.
And it's nonsense, anyway, right? To say that she didn't want to 'poison' her baby with formula???

OP posts:
PorkPieandPickle · 31/03/2014 22:02

I don't think the virgin gut theory is outdated, I was told all about it a few times and have read about it and dd is 3 months. And funnily enough it's what i was thinking about when I read the thread and wondering if that's where the comments about 'poisoning' and 'contaminate' come from.

You can almost see her train of thought, but it's a horrible way to vocalise it. But she can't help the way she feels either, if she has been told a lot about the virgin gut she may genuinely be convinced that formula is tantamount to poison, particularly if she is struggling to bf herself- there is so much emotion wrapped up in the choices around the feeding of your baby... It can start to become an obsession for women who struggle with their choices or have their choice taken away by other factors.

Just ignore her, I've heard similar conversations, and have friends who are bf, mix, and ff- no one takes offence because we're all friends, but we all have our own opinions.

Topseyt · 31/03/2014 22:02

Well, there must be an awful lot of "poisoned" children now running about.

I formula fed my three. I couldn't get to grips with breastfeeding and didn't like it at all, so formula it was, virtually from the word go. They are now aged between 18 years and 11 years. They are healthy, not overweight and doing well at university and school. Obviously their formula milk must have been extremely poisonous. Wink

What a load of old bollocks. Ignore her.

emuloc · 31/03/2014 22:03

OP there are women out there who do see ff akin to poison, that is up to them to be honest I am not interested in how a mother feeds her baby

Viviennemary · 31/03/2014 22:04

I agree. She is an idiot. Don't give it another thought.

mercibucket · 31/03/2014 22:07

Interesting, yes i wondered if it was the 'virgin gut' theory sort of mixed up to become ff equals poison. Obviously exaggeration/poetic licence there. Presumably she didnt mean the plastic milk scandal in china. Just thoughtless to say it aloud. Maybe pull her up on it next time you see her so she can remember to think before speaking next time

picnicbasketcase · 31/03/2014 22:07

Unless you're making up feeds with pond water or something, there is absolutely no reason for people to throw around words like contaminate or poison about formula. It's just milk. Babies live on milk. Some have formula, some from their mother. Isn't it time we just accepted that as long as they are getting it from one source or the other, there's really not any problem?

Odaat · 31/03/2014 22:12

Well my poisened dd is rarely ill- easpecially compares to my mates dc's.

I couldn't breastfeed for various reasons. I was so distraught and ended up with pnd - if someone made a comment like that infront of me I would not be able to hold back. Formula feeding isnt always a choice and the ignorant woman should think about that. Anyways motherhood has a fab way of humbling most, so she will get her comeuppance no doubt!

1944girl · 31/03/2014 22:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Odaat · 31/03/2014 22:14

I should also add my poisened dd is extremely advanced in speech and thriving in every area. She is just perfect :)

Original poster
emeraldgirl1 · 01/04/2014 20:16

Burren, yes thank you! That's exactly what it was! I had been quite unsettled by the conversation and so posted over in chat, then on the basis of the replies I got there I began to fell less unsettled (or as if I had done something evil by giving my baby formula) and actually started to feel fairly narked off that my SIL had said this.

Wasn't in any way trying to get some kind of massive reaction hobnobs. I work from home and have moved away from many of my old friends so posting on mumsnet can be a really good way of communicating with other people and taking a litmus test.

Nor did the story change by the way. It is/was my SIL in both stories.

Thanks v much indeed to everyone who posted their own experiences, it has been v cathartic as I really have been wishing I'd called her on it. Also am v happy to hear others' DCs have 'survived' ff... :)

OP posts:
MiaowTheCat · 01/04/2014 20:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pilgit · 01/04/2014 20:30

Some berk said this to me once. Unbeknownst to them I ff and had done a lot of research on it (knew I would have to ff as my drugs would poison babies). After asking them if starvation was better I (rather forcefully as was very hormonal) told them the facts. Stupid woman didn't know where to put herself. I then took myself off with dignity and got out of sight before sobbing my heart out as not being able to bf was and is a great sadness in me. But it was the only choice (the alternative was a psychotic break - not pretty).

People are entitled to opinions but likening formula to poison is factually incorrect and so not a valid opinion. It's like saying white bread is poison as brown is better for us.

Why can't we all just give each other a break?

deakymom · 01/04/2014 23:18

i tried to breastfeed my first two children and failed miserably for different reasons baby three i CHOOSE to ff i had depression with baby one and two baby three is 14 months and nothing no depression none at all and he is the worse he doesn't sleep he eats weird he is a limpet he will settle with nobody grumbles at everything has the best smile in the world and ive bonded better with him than the others

ignore the comment rise above it all xx

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 01/04/2014 23:42

meditrina Mon 31-Mar-14 20:12:11
Perhaps you could see it as an admission that she is incapable of making up a bottle safely, and that is is indeed worried that her expected incompetence will give her baby food poisoning.

Say this ^ it's a wonderful slap rejoinder and can be used EVERYTIME. In fact, I'm going to copy and paste it and use it as a stock answer. Fab Meditrina! Grin

Theodorous · 02/04/2014 06:57

Stupid cow, I would be interested to analyse her diet. I hate people like her, she isn't clever because she does it, just pathetic. Poor kid

Sparklingbrook · 02/04/2014 07:05

I have said this many times on MN but my 14 year old and 12 year old did just fine by being FF.

I tried to BF both times and it was the most miserable experience.

It's not something I even think about now.

Gileswithachainsaw · 02/04/2014 07:10

Arf @ "survived"

Perhaps we should get to shirts printed :o

TheXxed · 02/04/2014 07:36

Nah i am with hobs on this one. looks like a bunfight.

Theodorous · 02/04/2014 08:14

Didn't want to, didn't try, didn't care and neither did any real people. Anyone who says/posts that crap obviously has serious issues.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 02/04/2014 08:28

She's an idiot. Formula keeps many babies alive. Like my DS who ended up on a dairy free formula as it turned out he had a cmpa, which not only saved him but also me (mentally) as my milk never came in. It was the most exhausting and stressful time.

Thing is, I bet this is just the start of her competitive parenting.

cory · 02/04/2014 08:36

"No, I didn't either. That's why I left the arsenic out". Or some such.

Should shut her up for long enough to you to explain in simple one syllable words that lots of people are upset about not having been able to breastfeed, some to the point of PND, and that therefore this is a foolish thing to go around spouting.

devoniandarling · 02/04/2014 08:49

I ff all four of my children after attempting to breast feed the first unsuccessfully. All my children are healthy, happy, and at healthy weights. They have never been overweight.

It makes me so cross when people say things like this. My children are my whole life and I have to say that not breast feeding was the right choice for us. I have irritable bowel syndrome, and I don't have the best diet myself and I am often on strong medications. If I had bf then all those toxins would have been passed on to my children. I do believe that breast is always best. I felt awful to start with that I was "failing" at this and then I realised that actually ff was better for my children.

My children have never been sickly, have always slept, had reasonable routines that worked for all of us from an early age and had a mummy who wasn't stressed trying to do something that she was never that confortable with anyway.

Pay no attention to her op. she is ignorant.

LackingEnergy · 02/04/2014 10:42

Wasn't there a case in china where a batch of formula was contaminated and ended up poisoning babies?

I wouldn't ff feed unless bf wasn't an option for me but that's my choice and not one I'd push onto others :-)

bobot · 02/04/2014 10:57

As someone who breastfed, sleep training far more damaging imo, and I'd have told her so.

BarbarianMum · 02/04/2014 11:12

Cows milk was known as 'baby poison' in our house but that was an attempt to find a lighter side to ds1's allergy to it (which I found extremely upsetting and stressful - damn stuff is everywhere around babies).

It never occurred to me that I may have upset anyone else by calling it that. Really hope I didn't. I must admit I still find it weird that people give it to babies but that is only because we spent so long regarding it as this dangerous substance that we had to shield him from.

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