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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to now be thinking it was U for someone to say she didn't want to 'poison' her baby with formula?

95 replies

emeraldgirl1 · 31/03/2014 20:01

Knowing, as she did, that I had ff as I had really struggled with bf a year ago?
Been thinking about it since she said it (last week) and it's actually irritated me more than I thought at the time.
She's a fairly new mum so of course I can forgive lots of silly things being said in the haze of hormones and sleep deprivation.
But I've been hormonal and sleep deprived in the recent past too (actually I'm still massively sleep deprived; her answer to this was to tell me she'd be getting in a sleep trainer at 6m and she couldn't understand why people allowed sleep problems to go on so long... again knowing that my DD is a non-sleeper...) and I've never called anyone else's feeding choices 'poison'...
Just feeling a bit peed off.
And it's nonsense, anyway, right? To say that she didn't want to 'poison' her baby with formula???

OP posts:
Scrounger · 31/03/2014 20:42

emerald. I had a similar thing also with a relative. We had a lot of (bad) history behind us when I had DS1 and she kept trying to tell me how to sleep train him. She was very rude, comments started with. "Are you listening..." and then moved onto comments about how she was going to be much more organised.... obviously referring to DH and I, and shit we were as parents. I had a lot of wry smiles when she had her DS1 and he didn't regularly sleep through until the age of 4.

She is still very much into competitive parenting and is very judgemental. It hasn't stopped but I have learnt that being smug about children usually comes back to haunt you. Just as I think I've cracked it my children throw another curve ball.

Wantsunshine · 31/03/2014 20:44

She sounds a bit dim. Just ignore her.

Burren · 31/03/2014 21:06

Benefit of the doubt - she's struggling with BFing herself and trying to psych herself up?

It had never occurred to me that I wouldn't be able to BF, and I probably did think of formula as very much a bad second best when I found myself forced to use it when my milk supply never came in. Obviously I wouldn't have dreamed of saying so to anyone else, whatever method of feeding I ended up using, but it was my own shock and disappointment speaking in the way I thought about formula inside my own head.

Lj8893 · 31/03/2014 21:12

Poison?? Contaminate???

Wtf are these people using these words in relation to formula!

fairylightsintheloft · 31/03/2014 21:15

but why do so many people think of ff in this way? Considering that mostly what you hear on here is complaints about not enough BF support and education about why Bf is "better", it is odd that there is also this entirely contradictory attitude that ff is evil and poison.I was also v Shock when a friend of mine, very sensible, intelligent person admitted she felt she was giving her baby poison when she topped up with a bottle. Bloody hate that somehow the messages are so insidious and confusingly mixed. I also wish I knew what it is that turns such intelligent women into "victims" of this kind of thing. You don't HAVE to allow all rational thought to go out the window because you've had a baby.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 31/03/2014 21:17

Why have you started another thread about this? Did you not get enough of a reaction first time round?

Lj8893 · 31/03/2014 21:23

hobnobs I thought I was imagining things but yes you have confirmed this is the 2nd thread this evening about formula being poison.

TiredFeet · 31/03/2014 21:24

Yanbu.

And, as an aside, I really did (unknowingly) sort of 'poison' my breastfed ds, as he was cows milk allergic and it gave him dreadful eczema, but I didn't realise for ages that that's what it could be so was merrily eating cheese and chocolate etc, I still feel terribly guilty about it now

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 31/03/2014 21:24

Same poster slightly different story.
Clearly after a bunfight.
((yawn))

Burren · 31/03/2014 21:26

I think the same poster originally posted about whether she would be unreasonable not to try BFing her second child, after an awful experience with her first, and the reactions on that thread are now making her realise that in fact the 'friend's' comment about poisonous formula is making her angry, so she posted again. Different side of same issue?

TwentiethCenturyGirl · 31/03/2014 21:28

Of course she's being unreasonable - and I'm saying that as somebody who is BF. Does it really matter what the method of feeding is as long as a baby is being fed?

TheFantasticFixit · 31/03/2014 21:28

Ah, this old chestnut was thrown at me after I was asked 'how I got my daughter to sleep through'. At the time she was being mix fed, and so I told the mum exactly that, to which she looked at me with disdain and said "Aaah. Right. Well, I don't wish to drug my baby to sleep so I'll have to continue as we are". Angry

Gileswithachainsaw · 31/03/2014 21:29

Ha ha ha ha poison, very funny. Dd1 &2 must be zombies running about having drunk gallons of the stuff.

Tbh I feel sorry for her because she's going to end making herself I'll under the strain and pressure of never caving in ever.

Gileswithachainsaw · 31/03/2014 21:29

ill

Burren · 31/03/2014 21:32

I don't see a bunfight desire or a wish to goad. I think the OP is feeling miserable and conflicted and cross. At least, that's how I read it.

mercibucket · 31/03/2014 21:33

depends. were you talking about your feeding, in which case v v rude, or her feeding, and she just forgot you had ff not bf. still rude but probably not tactful rather than deliberately hurtful

mercibucket · 31/03/2014 21:36

years since i thought about all this
is the virgin gut theory outdated now?

mercibucket · 31/03/2014 21:37

years since i thought about all this
is the virgin gut theory outdated now?

mercibucket · 31/03/2014 21:39

years since i thought about all this
is the virgin gut theory outdated now?

Nanny0gg · 31/03/2014 21:49

People feel how they feel. Poison is a stupid word to use.

So is contaminate

Methe · 31/03/2014 21:50

Yes, and I acknowledged that unthread.

Sparkeleigh · 31/03/2014 21:52

I was told something similar by a woman at a baby group while her son sat beside her on the floor chewing a pram wheel people can be wierd.

Quinteszilla · 31/03/2014 21:53

She sounds rude and ignorant. Family or not, can you not call her on it?

Say something like "you know I had problems breastfeeding, and had to give my baby formula. Do you think I have been poisoning her?"

cansu · 31/03/2014 22:01

I wish people would stop talking about new mums in such a bizarre way Methe. Being a new mother doesn't mean that you can be rude or insensitive to others. I dont think that giving birth means that you suddenly dont know if you are being a judgemental arse or not. I dont think allowances should be made!

pointythings · 31/03/2014 22:02

Ridiculous and callous thing to say. I bf both my DDs for 13 months because after a rocky start, I found it easy, convenient and stress free. I was Daisy the Cow - with my Medela I could express close on 2 pints at work over 2 pumping sessions. Yay me - this is called luck.

I am not a superior parent because it worked for me, and I have watched many of my friends struggle to bf and turn to formula - and then feel bad about it. It's shit and it shouldn't happen.