to have shouted at these teenagers in the street?

[bluebeanie]

I don't live in the best area, but still. There was a group of about 9 guys hanging around my street just now making a fair bit of noise.

I watched them for a bit in the dark upstairs bedroom and then suddenly one was on my drive approaching the car. I saw red and opened the window. I shouted, 'What the f do you think you are doing? The guy responded that he was checking out his reflection in the window. I said that I've got a sleeping baby here (true, but in the back room) and to p off or I'd call the police. I then slammed the window shut and called them anyway. The Police never really come for that sort of thing anyway and I never saw them.

Anyway, they left soon after, but I'm half expecting to wake up to my tires slashed or my paintwork keyed. It's not a fancy car (Hyundai i30). God, I'm shaking. It's not a usual occurrence thank god. I'm usually timid. Hell hath no fury like a mum, I suppose.

There could have been perfectly innocent intentions.

I was letting you know your car window was open.

I saw a nail near your tyre and figured I'd move it so you didn't get a puncture.

I dropped a tenner and the wind blew it in your garden.

You were out earlier and the postman dropped this parcel with us. Mum asked me to drop it round.

Did you realise your DD left this teddy outside? It'll get ruined if it rains.

They weren't just loitering though, they were on your drive, where they had no reason to be so you were justified in telling them to do one IMO

The OP had watched them loitering around for some time. Not likely to be dropping a parcel off or noticing a nail by her wheel really..

AIBU is a very strange place these days. Today I've read people defending a dinner guest shouting 'tell someone who gives a shit' at his host with spittle spraying vehemence - but now attacking someone for shouting at teenagers approaching her car on her driveway, while she's home alone with her baby

I agree with kim and worra

It's perfectly possible to tell someone politely and firmly to move off your property. Using screaming and swearing as a default response is much more likely to have repercussions.

Right, so what we've actually got is a group of bored teenage boys hanging around on the street. There's no evidence that they were actually up to no good - they just look a bit rough and are in a group, which doesn't actually mean anything with regards to criminal intent. Indeed, if they were keen on robbing your car / house then chances are that they would be doing it alone / in pairs, as a large group is just too conspicuous.

Now, teenagers like to hang around with their friends, but there's a fairly large group of them, and so the sheer size may mean that there's not the space / willingness to have them at any of their respective houses. There have been devastating cuts to youth centres over the last few years, so they probably don't have anywhere like that to go. They were presumably not old enough to go to the pub. So where else do you actually expect them to hang out, other than on the streets?

As for how you spoke to them, frankly I think it was inexcusable. All you really needed to let them do was let them know that they'd been seen, and if they did anything then someone had seen them and could give a description to the police. So, opening your window and shouting "can I help you" would have sufficed entirely. All you've managed to do is get their backs up.

I work with teenagers (including substantial numbers from areas like yours, so it's not like I've just got the nice middle class ones; and not in a teaching setting either), and whilst I'm quite well aware that large groups of them can look a bit intimidating at first, the reality is that when challenged by an adult they all back down very quickly.

YANBU he had no business being on your drive.

I've used a car mirror, albeit parked on the street, to apply lippie I'm old.

I think if the OP felt scared or threatened she shouldn't be slated so much. Everyone is entitled to feel safe. Particularly in their own home.

The swearing may have been unnecessary I agree, but fear does all sorts.

I posted on here about roller bladers outside my house regularly until the early hours a couple of years ago. i went out to the bin and asked them to go to the park (5 yards away), and one asked me if I'd like a fuck, so I called the police.

You can't really tell what their agenda is.

I imagine OP shouting may have disturbed the sleeping baby and neighbours more than the marauding gang of scary yoof.

Oh please you seem to think this is so out of character for you and you're usually shy yet you behaved the total opposite. How vulgar of you to speak that way. There's a polite way of getting your message across.

I can understand how you felt intimidated but don't think you did yourself any favours by effing and jeffing at them. Hope you're ok anyway OP and fwiw always call the police, they may not do anything but at least it's logged that the street is potentially a problem area for youths, something may get done about it

FFS.

Just read the thread - I cannot believe the OP is getting attacked because she didn't assume that the gang of boys outside her house trespassing onto her drive were doing a good deed.

She lives in an admittedly dodgy area, it's late at night, she's on her own with a baby, and spotted someone creeping onto her drive cajoled by 8 other people. It's not ageism, it's being fucking terrified.

As stated in my first post above I don't think there was a need for swearing at them but I would have opened the window and said "oi what you doing? Get off my drive or I'll call the police.". So what the OP did minus swearing!

The likes of me and the OP can only dream to be like the perfect non judgemental open minded majority on mumsnet who would fling their window open and say "oh hello young fellows in the yonder, I see thou is approaching my humble abode, because I'm liberal and go-eth on Mumsnet I will not assume you are scallywags but instead trust that I may have had a mild misdemeanour with regard to my motor vehicle. Please continue to make noise, for you are children and I'm understanding don't you know, and I will tell the townsfolk and mumsnet of the wonderful opportunity you've given me to get-eth brownie points for being such a do gooder."

Posts like this make me angry as it makes me want to use the term "politically correct", which I fucking hate, but can't think of an alternative, so I will say it - mumsnet it too politically correct sometimes and I don't think posters actually mean what they say when they say "I wouldn't ever judge."

If my ds (currently 3) comes home as a teen and says he got an earful for going on someone else's property I'd tell him not to go on other people's property and possibly keep more of an eys on him as hanging round on streets at night making noise is not acceptable imo

I really don't think the boys were going to do anything they were just messing around. If they were going to break in why would they make loads of noise be in a gang then walk up.?

Think you over reacted OP think that would have made them laugh the threat of the police.

I'm normally against ranting people, but in this situation i think its the action most likely to cause the OP to be safe from future harm. They will know shes not scared of them, and that she may recognise them.

if more people corrected anti social behaviour like this, then maybe people like the OP wouldn't have to. I honestly cant believe how badly many men (and women) behave in this country. This is something the parents should have instilled in them - going onto someone else's property, making noise and being in a large group when doing so is anti social and likely to frighten/annoy others.

Yanbu. Fair enough to the posters who say OP could have been more polite, but weren't the boys being rude by making a fair bit of noise at 10pm in a residential area?

I get sick of teenagers walking up my road in the evening and during the night, making a racket and rarely getting challenged by residents (probably due to fear of retaliation). Sometimes they break wing mirrors,usually throw litter and empty beer cans etc. The police don't give a shit.

I feel for you OP.

Do you really think that nine boys were really scared of a women shouting out of the window? Maybe it would work if they were younger. They probably found it funny.

It's not right what they are doing but I think nine people all together of any age would make a lot of noise.

Considering most MNers don't think small children should go trick or treating at houses without a pumpkin in case they scare or annoy the residents, they're awfully forgiving of teenage boys wandering onto someone's property late at night...

Or maybe it's because a well known poster expressed a YABU view first?

Just re-read the OP where one of them, when challenged, said he was checking out his reflection in the OP's window. In what part of the world is that not considered creepy enough to give someone such a fright they shout at you?

There's a difference between young people marauding up and down your street noisily late at night or even hanging round right outside your gate for ages having very loud (sometimes hilarious) discussions (happens here regular as clockwork every weekend - we live a stones throw from a university campus) and a young person trespassing on your property late at night in a dodgy looking way. The OP was perfectly within her rights to tell him to bog off however I wouldn't have done exactly what she'd done - I'd've just asked him to leave otherwise I'd be using the phone in my hand to call the police.

My DS is a teen and he wouldn't dream of titting about on a stranger's drive.

If someone from a group of kids/men/anyone wandered onto my drive I'd tell them to fuck off too. Seriously in what world is it ok for someone to do that? Age is irrelevant as no one should go onto someone else property for no good reason and "checking my reflection" is not a good enough reason. Some people on this site talk utter shite sometimes.

'Do any MNers personally know of a large group of teenage boys who hang about in the streets at night who are up to some good?'

Ds's Explorer scout group got challenged a couple of times, they sometimes work in groups of 6 or so. Not invading people's personal space, but they got yelled at in a rural pub car park for hiding behind a vehicle during an evasion exercise.
But he and his mates are pretty savvy about old people getting stressed out before they've actually done anything and the diplomatic one in the group gets to explain and calm the situation and apologise if necessary.
They often hang around together, we have commons and parks and long light evenings.

This thread is insane. If someone went a few metres up my drive to stare into my car egged on by friends, there is no way I would assume they were doing a good deed. That is independent of age, of gender or of dress.

As for 'imagine that was my child' in the future, I'd expect them to be treated the same if they were creeping around on peoples' drives late at night. I would be fine with that.