To think actively looking up your past posts isn't really on?

[myotherusernamestaken]

Regular but name changed, naice ham, pom bears, cutted up pear etc

DH and I had a disagreement tonight, details of which are irrelevant really but it transpired in this disagreement that he had actively looked up all my past posts on here at some point and then tonight used them against me chapter and verse.

In a nutshell, we went through some issues last year, I sought some advice from you lovely ladies and confided that I'd set a mental date in my head to work towards and that if, with effort, things hadn't improved by that date then I had to make the choice to leave.

A few weeks ago I mentioned a thread on here to him, jokingly. We have been getting along well and tbh I thought our issues were behind us. He tells me he looked up that thread, found my username and then looked through my past posts. I've name changed since then so it's not an issue now, but I said I thought that to actively seek out my posts like that was frankly a bit weird and I feel massively betrayed by it. The thread I mentioned was hundreds of comments long so I think he's actually been on my laptop and come onto Mumsnet that way, otherwise how did he know which was my post?

I pointed out that I came here for advice and perspective (and got it you lovely lot) and that my posts here were as personal to me as a diary would be.
He's gone to bed. I'm sat here with that horrible hurt feeling in my tummy feeling betrayed and generally wondering whether things have improved or not.

Thoughts? If IABU I am perfectly willing to accept that, not sure it will help change how I currently feel though.

I'm not convinced by likening it to a diary, unless that diary was being serialised in the national press!

I think people forget that MN isn't a cosy chat over a fence with a virtual neighbour, everything written on here is being published to a potential audience of millions. That changes the stakes, particularly if what is being written is potentially defamatory or reveals intimate information the person would like to be kept private.

You could set your mn's to require you to type in your password each time you use your computer that way only you will be able to access your m'n. (also only use private browsing settings that way it deletes the search history of any mn's threads you have been on)

It's a pain in the arse to type in user names and passwords all the time though. My dh has only to pick up my iPhone and I've auto login set up so he can access my account any time he wants, but I trust him not to. I however cannot trust him not to use my phone to text weird messages to our kids from my phone :)

I don't hide my passwords, or ensure I log out every time. I ensure that I my dh and I share mutual respect and trust. No secrecy.needed.

Ah but ladies, if you got a wee inkling your DH was posting about you all over the net would you not have a snoop? I bloody would!

I'm not convinced by likening it to a diary, unless that diary was being serialised in the national press!

This! A locked diary physically forced would be a breach of confidence as it was clearly locked and private, not visible to anyone else.
To moan that you're having your privacy invaded by posting your public affairs on an international noticeboard that absolutely anyone could access diminishes the leg that you had to stand on, really.
You only have to watch the Wright Stuff on a weekday morning to know that it REALLY isn't private on here, as threads from here always crop up now and again.
Or look at the Penis Beaker thread. That went viral, went into loads of major mainstream news outlets via the main newspapers.
If you wouldn't say it in RL, don't say it to the entire world! As that's effectively what it is.

OP: My ex did exactly this, reading through my mumsnet posts with different nicknames he couldn't have possibly known about.

There is more than one way it can happen.

1. As you say, he sat down at your laptop which was logged in and searched either "Threads I'm on" or noted your previous name changes.

1. He knows your login details (email and password) so he can access your account from any phone or computer any time he wants.

1. He's (at some point) installed spyware on your computer. (It can be done through USB stick or via email) If he's done this, then he can see all of your keystrokes (including login details and passwords), get screencaps from the websites you visit, and even record sound and video through your mike and webcam. Scary shit

Have you had strange activity on any of your accounts? For example, email booting you out so that you have to sign in again? Computer running more slowly than normal?

At a minimum, I would assume that he's seen everything. If he'll go searching through your mumsnet posts and use them against you, then why would he hesitate to read your emails, etc.?

Change all usernames and passwords NOW, and if possible do it from a neutral computer like your best mate's.