To ask what kind of social life you have?

[stuckindamiddle]

Posting here for traffic (and because I can never find the Chat thread on the mumsnet app...!)

I'm curious to know to what extent other parents have a social life. I mean, nights out with your friends, does your partner have the same, do you socialise with other couples / families and do you have any regular
activities - sport, choir, book club, politics etc.

Just asking as me and DH feel our social lives have taken a real dent since we became parents and would like to hope things improve as kids get older. I think the current situation isn't helped by us having no real couple friends where we now live (we moved cities just before we became parents), only one babysitter we can call on and also because we both
enjoy spending as much time as possible with DS and / or are pretty knackered most of the time still.

I guess a lot depends on how old your kids are, whether you have a partner or not, if you have access to reliable babysitters and how long you've lived in your area.

Please tell me how it is for you and give me hope!

I'm seldom out. I used to be out at least 3-4 times a week, but now having a ds to look after I honestly go out maybe once every two months if I'm lucky!

DH and I love going to gigs a few times a year that's our thing we love to do together. We don't really go out often to the cinema,bars etc as babysitters are hard to come by. If we got the chance we would probably go more often but have three dd's two of which are still quite young. It would be nice to spend more time out alone together as we tend to go to separate things for friends or work. We have managed to go out for lunch just the two of us more recently as DH's parents feel they can babysit during the daytime for us at weekends until the girls are a bit older. As they grow up a little then DH's parents said they are happier to have them to stay over. They are quite sociable themselves and are often out in the evenings. I think they find older children easier to look after which I understand. We go out a lot with the dd's and have fun so still enjoy a social life just with the children!

I have 3 DC's who are 6, 4 and 9 months, number four is due on 6th Sept. DH and I don't get to socialize very much at all but that's mainly because of his job. He works from 12pm to 11:30pm five days a week (inc weekends) so we have precious little time together that's not taken up by the kids!

He sees his friends every few weeks or so, I see mine more sporadically, we go out as a couple when all the planets align and we can get a baby sitter on a night off.

It will hopefully get a bit easier when they get older, and we already talk about what we will be able to do in 15 years or so!

Ebbs and flows. I see friends at least three times a week but I only work pt and have a 3yr old who does half days, so we go together.

Without kids I see friends on a regular basis, sometimes weekly, sometimes several nights a week. I also have a night/ weekend away without DH and kids at least once every couple of months.
As a couple we go out together alone VERY rarely, but last month we were out on three separate nights without the kids.
As a family we do a night out with fiends at least once a month, often more, sometimes much more.

We moved to rural France 6 years ago and have a 3 yo DS. Took a long time to build up new friendships and a social life.

DS is at preschool 4 days a week and all day friday, which is my day of liberty when I can drive to a town an hour away and do some shopping etc. (I waited 3 years before I could have a day to myself, have only been about 4 times since DS started pre-school in september)

I also go to the gymn in the mornings and have a natter, so that is sociable too. I am going to lunch with some of my new gymn friends next friday.

DP and I occasionally twice go out when DS stays at MILs. Or when we are in the UK (once a year!), my parents look after DS (well he is asleep) and we go to the pub or for a curry

We mainly tend to do things as a family (which is the norm in France.)
Tomorrow DP is taking MIL, I and DS out for lunch and then we are visiting some friends with slightly older children for pizzas in the evening.

Most socialising is done around lunchtime. TBH, DS was is such a bad sleeper, that DP and I are quite happy to watch a film together uninterrupted in the evening. We are quite content.

It gets easier.

DH and I both do a sport so we fit that in around work and kids and that provides social opportunities. A couple of parent friends have become couple friends since our kids are similar ages. We get out together maybe once a month for an hour or two.

You will find a way. Don't beat yourself up about moving because apart from work friends, all of my regular mates have come along since I've had children despite me living here for 4 years before I had any!

I live where I grew up but everyone has moved away. We're incredibly isolated. I haven't been out for 3 years! Dp goes to the pub once a month.

I work when dc are at school. I work on my own from home - so again no socialising. No one to babysit & dc with sns so it's very difficult. It's getting worse not better as they get older.

I really need to do something!

OP, mine are 9 and 7, and I like our social life very much, although its very different to before. It's much more local community based now rather than work based (we live in Greater London, and treated the area as a dormitory before we had kids).

We socialise with other families with similarly aged kids. I have nights out with other mums, and DH has the occasional Dads' night out, as well as occasional work nights out. We keep up with old school/uni friends, and far-flung family, via Facebook, and very occasionally catch up in person when we or they are travelling.

And, then there's Mumsnet. That's part of my social life too, and I don't think that's 'sad'. It's a lot more interactive than watching TV in the evenings, and I get a lot of value out of the chat.

I've never been a phone person, or a party animal, so I'm quite content.

We have one DS aged two. I go to book group once a month, most months, I go to a Pilates class once most weeks (but it's not really social, just exercise and home again, and if you count that then you can count the swim I do after nursery drop off and before work once most weeks, but I don't really!). I'm also in a knitting group that meets some Saturdays, which is more of a "when I can manage it" thing. Often I'll pop out there while DS is napping, then if DH wants to go into town he'll bring DS to the group which makes it less practical to actually knit!

Most of my playdates with DS are for me to chat to the other mum(s) so those really count as social life I think. Once in a blue moon we'll both go out for a takeaway to a friend's house, or more often we'll go round for lunch/cup of tea, or have a friend round for dinner/DVD, or go round both of us to another family's house for playdate/park.

We do try and get a babysitter fairly often - maybe once a month or two - and go for a meal/film. It is more dependent on the availability of the babysitter (we have a regular one, or my mum if she's staying), than on what we actually want to do (hence it being rare that we go round to friends for an evening as it usually doesn't match up when WE have a babysitter and when THEY are thinking of doing something).

We do a lot more socialising with DS, I think a lot of family & friends type parties, or friends' chats, get converted into daytime ones with young DC to be honest.

We both see friends for lunch at work, too, and DH has a local history thing he goes to occasionally, and they do guided walks on summer evenings so I imagine he'll start going to those again after Easter.

Also just to add, most of the friends with DC (apart from one couple that are v good longstanding friends, godfather to DS etc. etc.) are those I met through baby groups. I mainly started chatting to those at the stay and play type groups, and those are the ones that I keep up with, but if I was starting again in a new town now with a toddler, I would be cozying up to the parents at the toddler groups I think, or making more of an effort with other nursery parents.

I probably go out for drink/meal with friends about once a month, out with hubbie about once every 3 months, dh goes out with friends from work every once in awhile. Do see other people occasionally during the day on my day off or at weekends with their kids . Would like to go out more but no family nearby and paying for a babysitter makes evenings out v expensive!

I have no social life what so ever, kinda feel isolated but oh well. I think if you have the right support network e.g. People to help out you will be fine.

We do our best with 4 children, one babysitter, busy full time jobs and no family around, also we only moved where we are when DC4 was born, so we are not local.

We've made a small number of friends, I go out with mums from one group who I get on with maybe once every two or three months, DH to the pub when he can. We go to school social events (balls, quiz nights that sort of thing) once or twice a year and then round a friends' maybe 4 times a year or so.

We also go out with each other now and then, mainly special occasions, Valentine's day, birthdays, wedding anniversary, that sort of thing!

However we also have quite a few close friends who are abroad and we do try and see them regularly so once or twice a year we visit them or they visit us etc...

So not too bad although it is a lot better now that the children are all school age, when they were younger with 4 children under 4 we were too shattered to even think about going out!!!

Single mum of a 4 year old. Work full time, work at home in the evenings catching up on paper work, dd has activities 3 days after school and doesn't often see ex. I'm too tired and too skint for a social life. I never get invited anywhere either, and don't have anyone to babysit. I'm happy though!

We rarely go out, when we do it's usually just the two of us so I'm not sure you can really call that a 'social life'?

Our youngest is only 18 months old though and I work weekends so it is difficult.

I go out with girl friends probably about 3 times a year (booo hooo) and that's usually for special occasions like birthdays.

Occasionally I have a night out with work colleagues and so does DP.

Neither of us really have large social circles, most of our friends have settled down and had children but we don't really mix as couples much.

Me and DP try and arrange a babysitter every now and again so we can go out for a meal or drinks.

So we do get out but it's not a major priority in our lives the way it used to be.

I do know some mothers who are out getting pissed every weekend but personally I think that's a bit sad that they're spending their family time with a hangover.

I meet friends for lunch at work, and sometimes go out for dinner in a group, or to the cinema. We are doing it a bit more now DS1 is 16 and can babysit, although we always stay fairly nearby.

I used to have a great cleaner at one stage who used to come over every Wednesday and do the ironing while babysitting for two hours, so we could go to the pub. Fantastic.

We never really went out as a couple as our two were 17months apart and hard work. If I got spare time I'd sleep!

Now they're 18 and 20 we are free, we both have motorbikes and do a lot of days and weekends away with other bikers. I work part time, and am an avid reader.

:(

I go out with friends every month or two, but haven't been out in the evening with DH for almost 4 years. We don't live near family and I feel bad to ask friends to babysit as they have lives of their own. I'm not even sure I'd know what to talk about if we suddenly went out now.

Social life was definitely dented when we first had kids, but now they're 7 and 9 I have a pretty good one! I'm lucky in that DH is willing to be home to look after them when I want to go out, and I do the same for him. We try to get a babysitter about once a month so we can go out together (we've got a reciprocal agreement with another family).

I think the turning point was when they started school - I tried to put myself forward for PTA things and school trips, or at least as much as I could because I work full time. I also started a book group and even 3 years later we still meet once every 2 months and I now count the group of random strangers that we were at the start as friends.

It's just different - pre kids we went to pubs and clubs a lot more, now we go to other people's houses or school dos. I think I'd go a bit crazy if I didn't get out regularly though as both my DSs have AS so sadly don't get invited to parties much, so I don't have that particular outlet.

single parent here added complication that someone needs be trained. for ds3 for years hardly ever but I can now as Ds1 babysits but tbh I lost friends over years bar one great friend and we try holiday together each year x otherwise maybe one night a year

I have a 7 to DD and a large group of friends. I do coffee / dinner / play date with my mum friends twice a week or so. Big night out every month I would say with both non mum and mum friends. I have been asked to join a book club recently, I have a very close neighbour friend I can always pop in and tons of peoplewilling to help collect FD etc in a panic. She also gets asked on play dates a lot and that's how I meet a lot of mum friends. DH and I are asked over to dinner quite regularly from school friends.

I also run and play tennis so have acquaintances from this.

When Dd was a baby there was really almost zero social life and I was desperate to make friends. It build up v slowly and with lots of effort.

A 7 yo DD sorry

My social life is different to pre kids. We no longer go to pubs, I was never one for clubs anyway, more of a restaurant type of girl.

I have met a lot of new friends though since having children, and we socialise as families together, BBQs at each other homes or drinks, days out having picnics with all the kids in tow. A lot of the friends I did have have fallen away ( particularly those with no children) but been compensated by the new friends I met- mostly from breastfeeding, toddler groups and other parents from the school.

My social life is non existant. I am home with DD who is four monday - thursday then work friday saturday sunday. I do a job I love so it helps. I am so tired after work all I want to do is get in the bath and relax. My friends either live eight hours away from me or the ones close by have monday to friday jobs and off the weekend when I work. It just doesn't seem to work.
DP has a good social life and I sometimes envy that. He always offers to watch DD to let me go out but I am never free when friends are free. Most of my friends dont have children. The ones that do are always with their children or at work.
It gets me down sometimes.