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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask what kind of social life you have?

127 replies

stuckindamiddle · 27/03/2014 20:13

Posting here for traffic (and because I can never find the Chat thread on the mumsnet app...!)

I'm curious to know to what extent other parents have a social life. I mean, nights out with your friends, does your partner have the same, do you socialise with other couples / families and do you have any regular
activities - sport, choir, book club, politics etc.

Just asking as me and DH feel our social lives have taken a real dent since we became parents and would like to hope things improve as kids get older. I think the current situation isn't helped by us having no real couple friends where we now live (we moved cities just before we became parents), only one babysitter we can call on and also because we both
enjoy spending as much time as possible with DS and / or are pretty knackered most of the time still.

I guess a lot depends on how old your kids are, whether you have a partner or not, if you have access to reliable babysitters and how long you've lived in your area.

Please tell me how it is for you and give me hope!

OP posts:

RayPurchase · 27/03/2014 22:47

DH and do go out together every couple of months and we have lots of willing babysitters, but they all live a long way from us.

Summerblaze · 27/03/2014 22:58

I have 3 dc's (10, 6 and nearly 2). My answer is that it depends. I have a couple of mums from the dc's school that have become really good friends and we go out at least twice a month on an evening (meet during the day for coffee too). I also have a sister and a few separate friends who i go out with once every couple of months and i belong to a committee. DH goes out maybe once a month and goes to the gym 3 times a week.

We go out together once a month sometimes, none another month and then 3 the month after. Depends on if we have been invited somewhere, if we have a free night between my nights out, his nights out and family nights out etc.

Last week either with dh or kids or on my own, i managed to be out every night except one. This weekend, friday and saturday out. Next week, nothing!

If only of us is going out, the other stays in with the kids. If we are both out we have 2 set of gp's available plus my sister and some friends. We are very lucky to have on tap babysitters.

NearTheWindymill · 27/03/2014 23:00

It's always come in peaks and troughs. We are quite independent but probably go out together about once a month - on average.

I found that once the DC started school we made friends with other parents. DH of course has made friends through DS's sports which I haven't got so involved in.

Broadly we have my old friends, his old friends, our neighbour friends, our dc's school friends parents, the sports club friends, my church friends, his work friends/clients, my work friends. And we probably do something at least once a year with each group, with a few overlaps. We also have each other and bearing in mind the dc are all but grown up we are seeing a lot more of each other again . 25 years btw.

arethereanyleftatall · 27/03/2014 23:10

We go out quite a lot tbh. The only thing missing is me and dh don't go out together often enough.
I play sport of various things about 6 days per week, as im a sahm with a 5 yr old in school and 3yr old in preschool so I can do that in the afternoons.
That means dh gets to do his sport should he wish to after girls are in bed of an evening. He does prob 4 nights.
Fri or sat we would always go to friends, or they come to ours, with kids, and stay the night. Or lift girls out of bed at midnight to come home if house isn't big enough.
We both go out with our own friends about once every other week.

SelectAUserName · 28/03/2014 03:33

Non-existent. Not a parent but I have a disabled DH and have recently moved to a new area so don't know anyone here to socialise with.

NoIdeasForUsername · 28/03/2014 04:23

Small but regular. I have a small group of friends who live close by (plus a few further afield), but we see each other regularly. I do a club and I do chat on the school run, but don't have particular friends there iyswim?

Sparrow8 · 28/03/2014 04:42

Bit different here in Oz. We emigrated almost 6 years ago and made friends through school. We tend to socialise as a whole family as no babysitters! Get together with friends and kids at least every other weekend. It has brought us much closer together as a family.

DH may go out once every few months by himself with his friends, and I do the same with the girls every few months too. We have just started going out every couple of months adults only by sharing babysitters. So 2 families will share a babysitter and pay them extra. Works well, kids think it's an adventure staying up late!

ElleMcFearsome · 28/03/2014 06:48

Mine are late teens and we still have v little social life! More due to exhaustion than anything else (it's been a rough year!) We actually went out with some friends a few weeks ago and much was drunk. I realised how much I miss seeing our friends and we've resolved to do it more often.

blueballoon79 · 28/03/2014 06:55

I'm a single parent and go out around once a month.

My parents try their best to help me out with childcare when my children are ill or not at school due to strikes enabling me to go to work, so I don't feel I can ask them to babysit much more than that as they already help me a lot.

I'm happy with the amount I get out though. Sometimes I prefer to spend the weekend just chilling out and watching films rather than going out to the pub!

I have a lot of hobbies but I don't go out and do them, they're all things I can do at home on an evening when my children are in bed.

PollyIndia · 28/03/2014 06:56

I probabably go out in the evening once a fortnight on average but normally have someone over for dinner as well twice a week. And when I a not working, always have brunch or lunch plans.
Single mum here too so babysitting gets expensive but I agree with dahlen that it is important to have a social life, for me anyway.

ricericebaby · 28/03/2014 06:59

I have a 13 year old and 9 year old.

Out with DH maximum 3 times a year when 9 year old is at respite (she's disabled)

Out with friends again maximum 3 times a year when I can afford to go.

I get really lonely during the day as I don't work. I volunteer 2 days a week though so that keeps me busy on those days but I don't have anyone to meet up for a coffee with or anything like that and DH is away from the house at 6.30am until 8.00pm most days.

GertTheFlirt · 28/03/2014 07:06

DH has always done his sport, it never impacted on family life because golfers can do it at 4am and be home in time for breakfast That would be once maybe twice a week in summer plus a week away in Spain with the boys, plus a long weekend in Cornwall with the boys.

I have weekends away with girlfriends.

Together, I always managed to duck out of it due to no baby sitter. I dont particularly like mass events such as weddings so I had the perfect excuse!

Now it's a little easier as the DC are self sufficient.

ballstoit · 28/03/2014 07:14

I'm a LP of 3 aged 8,6 & 4. My social life is currently better than it has been for years...I spent 6 years either pregnant, breastfeeding or both and then became a lp.

A fair amount of my weekend socialising is with the dc, meeting friends at soft play, museums, parks etc or have family round for lunch.

I go to Slimming World weekly, and enjoy that hour or two of adult chat...although if my parents can't babysit the DC come. A colleague holds a knitting group once a month which I try to get to. I go out in the evening with other mums about once a month.

I think initially you have to be proactive, and be the one who suggests meeting up or invites people round. Suggesting activities with dc means no babysitter worries for anyone. Don't be offended if people say no..not everyone likes doing now things/spending time with new people.

takeiteasybuttakeit · 28/03/2014 07:20

at night prob twice or three times a week, with dh c.once every 3 weeks, sometimes more. At weekends, out with other families or my siblings, at least once. During the week with dcs and their friends probably one every fortnight

Titsalinabumsquash · 28/03/2014 07:21

DP and I are parents to 3 children (9,7,1)

We socialise together about once a month, we socialise with friends during daytime hours, for DP this is colleagues at work, so lunches and general office banter, his 'friends' ditched him when he became a father.

For me it's a few friends for coffee in the daytime and mostly family (I'm close to my sisters)

DP works a lot in the evenings and any spare time we have we like to spend together. We're happy with this although would love to find a regular sitter so we could resume our movie buff, cinema evenings of old, trying to find someone though is impossible, you cannot pay people to do a job around these parts!

TwittyMcTwitterson · 28/03/2014 07:22

2.5 yr old DD. I've prob been 'out out' about 4-6 times in her life. Her dad goes 'out out' once a month but we both don't like to be cooped up at the weekend so generally we found a kids friendly snooker club and went there or something. Anything to be out of the house.

It really helps if you find another couple with kids. For girls, it's easier because generally girls like kids but DDs DF has lost a few friends because of being a dad. One was even the person he picked to be her godfather. They just drift away but they're clearly not worth it.

I suggest baby groups, meet ups. Anything to get you socialising with people with kids

OddBoots · 28/03/2014 07:30

It depends what you count, going out without the children is probably 3-4 times a year but now my children are older (14 and nearly 11) we go to the theatre etc together (to local things mostly but some 'big' stuff) once or twice a month.

RuddyDuck · 28/03/2014 07:42

When our dc were small, I used to socialise a lot with other mums I met through playgroup, but this was mostly during the day, not evenings. We'd probably go to a dinner party about once a month, and my dh would also go to the pub on Friday evenings with other dads. I used to go to a book group once a month, and occasionally to the theatre or cinema with other mums. I very rarely went out with dh.

Our dc are teens now, and dh and I both work full time. We probably go ot to dinner together, either just us or with friends, once a month. I still belong to a book group which meets monthly, and I go out for drinks/ meals with girlfriends about once a fortnight. So far this week, I have had an evening out in a pub with a friend, an evening at book group, and an evening out with another friend where we met for a meal and then went to the theatre. Dh spent an evening at a governors meeting and another evening at a committee meeting for a charity he's involved with. Dh and I are both in this evening, then out for a meal with friends tomorrow night. That's probably a fairly typical week for us.

I found it quite easy to meet people when the dc were small, through baby and playgroups. We moved to a village when dc2 wss born, and I was worried about that but actually it was great. It probably helped that I only worked part time so was available for coffee etc. Dh used to play a lot of sport and met people that way.

AngelsWithSilverWings · 28/03/2014 08:24

We are lucky to have two sets of parents who are happy to babysit so our social lives are pretty good.

I go out with the girls quite regularly , either for evening meals or lunches. Social life with DH is not really planned - it sort of gets planned for us in a way as we react to invitations. There's been lots of parties over the past couple of months.

DH goes to lots of gigs and also has to socialise and entertain a lot with work so he has a very active social life.

The main thing that DH and I will do on our own as a couple is go to gigs or comedy shows. That's our shared interest.

We have a few restaurants near us that do a special bring your own wine night on a Tuesday. It makes for a really cheap night out and the restaurants are always full so you get a nice buzzy atmosphere. We do that a fair bit, either together or I go with friends while he stays home.

PigsOnTheLoose · 28/03/2014 08:37

I'm a SAHM. DP works full time. We have a toddler and baby.

I see friends once every 6 weeks or so. This isonly a recent thing though. About 6 months ago, I didn't even have any friends!

DP normally goes out twice a week. We've never been out together since DD was born nearly 3 years ago.

QueenofallIsee · 28/03/2014 10:46

4 DCs, ages 15, 8 (twins) and 7. I go out with my girl friends monthly pretty much, I actually haven't been out with them since Feb but that is mainly due to family commitments and I am ready to get out again soon! I also have a girls weekend away once a year. DP has the children. We have friends over to us monthly ish, play board games/drinks/bbq's in summer. Out together as a couple is probably a few times a year - we go out mostly as a family but try for a weekend away once a year just us. DP isn't a great one for nights out but he does a lot of walking and cycling with 2 friends

We are very close to our family so a good deal of our time together is spent with my sisters/his brothers/ their kids and what not

persimmon · 28/03/2014 10:49

I teach f/t and have a 7 yo DS, and my social life is crammed into the school holidays. I do pretty much bugger all during term. During the long hols I see all my friends at least once (none of us live anywhere near each other) plus maybe one or two other social things in my home town. tbh I'm too knackered most of the time to give a fig about a social life! (am 43)

MinionDave · 28/03/2014 10:56

I go out once every couple of months or so with friends. DH and I don't really go out as a couple. I'm a full time student, plus work evenings too so when i do have my nights off Id rather spend it with DH and the DC and/or studying. Hopefully when I graduate my social life will perk up again

IsItMyArseOrMyElbow · 28/03/2014 11:00

My DH goes out with work colleagues occasionally, and goes to football. I go out once in a blue moon with my friends, I have to work it round DH's shift work and could go out every other week but am usually too knackered!

I always get asked if DH is babysitting, which gives me the rage and makes me say something like "Of course not, he's at home with HIS child while I'm here, he can't go out getting paid to look after somebody else's!"

He never gets asked if I'm babysitting when he's out!

Sorry, off topic a bit there, but going out always leads to that question, maybe that's why I stop in?

VodkaJelly · 28/03/2014 11:06

DP has a very good social life at weekends, he is always out with his car club friends. He used to go out 2 to 3 times a week also which really pissed me off but has scaled it right back.

Since DD was born 14 months ago my social life died. I now make an effort to go out with friends twice a month, when the weather gets better i hope to increase that.

I go to the gym 5 times a week for an hour at the very most and DP looks after DD. I dont see this as going out, but it is a bit of "me" time without a toddler hanging off my trousers.

We dont tend to go out much as a couple unless it is with his car club friends, but we are making more of an effort to go out with either just us or with DD.

We are lucky with babysitters as both parent live round the corner and will babysit and my eldest DS is 19 so looks after his little sis whenever we ask.

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