That teacher went over and sat with ds at lunchtime

[bongobaby]

Teacher sat down and told ds that his dad came to parents evening (first time ever)and how proud he was of ds and that he misses him. I know he has PR and he is entitled to attend parents evening and have school reports. But the school know of the background between me and ex due to domestic violence. They are also aware that a prohibited steps order is in place due to a discussion with the head who thought this would be good thing to put in place due to concerns flagged up by agencies.
I'm thinking that the teacher should not have done this and it was rather insensitive to of done so and not her place really

I have rang the school first thing this morning and left a message for the head to please call me back, as yet I am still waiting for the call. It could be that head is very busy at the moment.

If you are not happy with the answers from the head (hope you will be) say that you will talk about safeguarding with governors etc.

Have spoken to the Head and the teacher will be spoken too. Head agreed it was inappropriate to relay the message. Head also told me that he was present at the meeting sitting outside the classroom door that was left open for the purpose of safety for the teacher in regards to exp. he said it was an unusable step but needed to be taken. He heard everything that was said and only school matters were discussed between ex and teacher.
This really puts my mind at rest that Head was present at the time of the meeting.

I am really glad that the Head put your mind at rest and that he heard the content of the meeting but mostly that he did not make you feel like you were a nutter. Nothing in what you have said on here sounds remotely unreasonable. I am glad you raised it immediately and did not let it lie over the weekend.

That sounds as though the school's procedures etc are good. We too do the lurking outside open doors in very specific cases. Again for the protection of staff as much as parent/pupil.

Have a good weekend without that hanging over you

I would assume from the OP that the order prohibits the father collecting the child from the school. As he has PR the school could not prevent the father from collecting his son without such an order.

When I split with my violent exh eight years ago the police installed a panic button which went directly to the police station. I also had a portable panic button which worked within 100 metres of my house.

He had threatened to put a bullet in my head and was on police bail.

Even though he was incredibly violent (when I left him the police dug up my patio and looked under the floorboards because they thought he had killed me) the nursery school our DS went to told me that, without an order from the court which expressly stated that my ex could not collect our DS, they had no choice but to release my DS to him.

So on the basis that the OP's ex may have breached his bail conditions(?) by passing on messages through the teacher (no direct or indirect contact is usual with bail conditions and may be mentioned in the Order too) and the teacher is obviously aware of the situation then I would say YANBU.

She is either very naive or very stupid. Either way you should report her to the head teacher immediately.

There again - did the head hear the ex tell the teacher the stuff that the teacher went on to say to your ds?

If he did - then it's a shame he didn't remind the teacher not to mention it to your ds although to be fair he may have assumed that given she knew the background that she would never have dreamt of discussing it with your ds - in the same way that most posters on here think that it is obvious she shouldn't have raised it.

If he didn't hear your ex say it - then either he wasn't there for the entire conversation so could have missed other stuff. Or the teacher took it upon herself to say those things to your ds because she thought that she knew best and would make up about what his father actually said.

Unfortunately both of those are not good options in this case

Hope you manage to get to the bottom of it and the teacher gets thorough retraining so she doesn't ever do something like this again.

Head said he was sitting outside the classroom with the door open. It could be that ex and the teacher may have been a distance from the door so maybe he didn't hear the full conversation. I said to him first about what message she had relayed and then head said he was there outside.