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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Proving I'm a stay at home mum!

51 replies

Louisajane27 · 25/03/2014 16:49

I'm having a crap time at the moment so I may well be unreasonable/emotional as I have an a 11day old in neonatal and 19 month at home! Anyway got home from hospital today to receive a letter from the student loan company, asking me to provide evidence that I am a stay at home mum! I called and asked what type of evidence they would like as I do not receive any benefits but happy to provide bank statements. They said bank statements would be helpful but they would also need a letter from my husband proving I'm a stay at home mum! Aibu or is it a stupid request to need a letter from my husband. How is this evidence, I could write the letter myself!! Sorry this is turning more into a rant!

OP posts:
CunningAtBothEnds · 25/03/2014 16:50

ignore it, focus on your baby and other DCThanks

eurochick · 25/03/2014 16:51

I'd write back and ask why a man's word is any more valuable than your own.

HoneyDragon · 25/03/2014 16:52

I had the same rant Euro suggested. It worked.

Ubik1 · 25/03/2014 16:52

It is indeed a stupid request.

I think I had similar nonsense and trying to remember what I did. TBH all I had to do was confirm my income was nil. I think they will go after your husband then, to try and recoup costs from 'the household.'

Do you have a tax return? Anything stating zero income, nat ins contributions?

ginnybag · 25/03/2014 16:52

They need what?

What bloody century are we living in?

Are you currently employed and on Mat-leave? Or are you not currently employed full stop? Either way, they'll have their answer from your Bank Statements.

Aside from anything else, you're dead-on right. Anyone could write that letter. Tell them to stuff off and, if you are employed-but-on-leave, to contact your company to make sure the deductions are correct.

If you aren't employed, then the answer is self-evident. You aren't making any form of contribution from any pay.

parakeet · 25/03/2014 16:54

What century are they living in? Can you tweet about it maybe it will go viral. use #everydaysexism

GandalfsBeard · 25/03/2014 16:54

So your word isn't good enough but they'll believe your husband?
Ridiculous!
Hope your little one is okay Thanks

LadyKatherine · 25/03/2014 16:55

I'm sorry but that is really stupid of them. Perhaps you could also get your mum to write you a note to excuse you from doing pe the gym while you're at it....

I would provide copies of bank statements and a letter from myself confirming that I am a stay at home mum. Surely that must be acceptable as if your husbands word can be taken as the truth in a letter then so should yours. Alternatively, perhaps offer for them to send someone round to help with the housework to check. Seriously though, what proof would be acceptable if you were a single parent I wonder.

Finola1step · 25/03/2014 16:55

Absolute nonsense. Tell them you have a newborn baby in hospital and a toddler. Surely a newborn is proof enough.

Impatientismymiddlename · 25/03/2014 16:57

You have to provide it or they will threaten to fine you.
I have had to provide similar and refused at first until they threatened me with a fine. I eventually sent them a letter from the DWP showing that I am a carer. But if you don't get any benefits then your husband will have to send a letter saying that he financially supports you and you have no earned income of your own.

2sugarsmeans3 · 25/03/2014 16:57

How ridiculous! I have nothing helpful to add but sending you Thanks for having such a shitty time.

Impatientismymiddlename · 25/03/2014 16:59

Oh, and the reason they do this is because some people work cash in hand so they want something in writing to prove how you manage to feed yourself with no income. It is daft though because anybody can write a letter stating that they are your partner and they feed you.

undertheduvet · 25/03/2014 16:59

just send them a copy of your child benefit letter, thats all I did when deferiing. Hope your baby is home soon

SallyMcgally · 25/03/2014 16:59

I think they will go after your husband then, to try and recoup costs from 'the household.

They can't recoup costs from your husband, if the debt wasn't in his name.

Ubik1 · 25/03/2014 17:13

Really? That's interesting Sally because the company trying to recoup the student loans started asking me about DP's income... If I remember correctly I think I just paid the bare minimum for years and then paid it all off properly when we sold our flat.

OneEggIsAnOeuf · 25/03/2014 17:16

They do come after you and will not defer your loan if they don't have all the bits of paper they ask for. I send them a letter stating my only income is cb and send a copy of the cb letter, and a letter signed by dp stating he pays for all household expenses but that i receive no other money. That keeps them happy, but i completely agree that it is ridiculous that a signed statement from you is not sufficient. In the circumstances though i would just do it - you don't need the extra stress. Hope your lo is ok.

InMySpareTime · 25/03/2014 17:20

They did the same to me, except they wanted DH to write a letter stating the amount he "paid" me per month.
I asked them if this were the case, surely he'd be able to deduct the amount he "paid" me from his income so he was below the repayment threshold.
They were strangely silent on that point...
I played by their stupid rules for a few years, then just paid it as it wasn't worth all the hassle of renewing each year.

Impatientismymiddlename · 25/03/2014 17:21

Student loans cannot collect money from anybody except the person who took the loan out. They will gladly accept payments from a third party but they cannot enforce it or insist on it. The usual method is for them yo make deductions direct from salary (like PAYE), so if you have no salary (or earn below the threshold) they have nothing to deduct the loan repayments from.

WaitMonkey · 25/03/2014 17:22

This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Shock Hope your lo is home soon. Thanks

akachan · 25/03/2014 17:23

They can't take it from your husband surely!?

My DH doesn't work so hasn't paid off any of his loan (25k ish) but I paid mine off ages ago. They aren't getting it from me!

Pumpkinpositive · 25/03/2014 17:24

I would escalate that as a complaint. What a pile of bollocks.

Incidentally, did anyone else receive a letter recently from the company that has taken over student loans telling them they were due a rebate on account of procedures not being followed by the former proprietor of the company?

Hope your baby is soon fighting fit. Thanks

SallyMcgally · 25/03/2014 17:25

I think that is the case Ubik - that was my understanding of a principle in law. Impatient has put it better than I did.

magicalmrmistoffelees · 25/03/2014 17:26

I've had to do this too. It's ridiculous. I wrote the letter and my DH signed it! They have no way of knowing I didn't sign it myself.

eggsandwich · 25/03/2014 17:27

I've heard it all now!
Send them a shitty nappy and some beast milk.
Fucking liberty.

MaryPoppinsBag · 25/03/2014 17:28

It infuriated me, I just wrote the letter myself and signed it myself from my husband - twats!
Last time it came to deferring I was self employed with no tax return submitted - they could not understand the delay in submitting tax return from April 2012-2013 in December. So I just decided to pay it. It is like banging your head against a brick wall.

I'm rid if the bum holes in a couple of months.

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