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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Proving I'm a stay at home mum!

51 replies

Louisajane27 · 25/03/2014 16:49

I'm having a crap time at the moment so I may well be unreasonable/emotional as I have an a 11day old in neonatal and 19 month at home! Anyway got home from hospital today to receive a letter from the student loan company, asking me to provide evidence that I am a stay at home mum! I called and asked what type of evidence they would like as I do not receive any benefits but happy to provide bank statements. They said bank statements would be helpful but they would also need a letter from my husband proving I'm a stay at home mum! Aibu or is it a stupid request to need a letter from my husband. How is this evidence, I could write the letter myself!! Sorry this is turning more into a rant!

OP posts:
diddl · 25/03/2014 17:29

Don't you have your P45 if you're not working?

ifandwhen · 25/03/2014 17:30

You are being totally reasonable. I was in the same position, and tried in vain to argue the toss - I think it boils down to they just want a letter from someone other than you so they can put it in your file and forget about you for another year!

Seeing that other people argued the case successfully makes me wish I'd stuck to my guns, but in the end I just wrote something like "I confirm that my wife is currently raising our young children, has no income and that I support her", got my DH to sign it, sent it off to them and that was that. I didn't send bank statements, child benefit info or anything as was too disorganised, and also reluctant to jump through unnecessary hoops.

They can't go after your husband, or anyone else, for the debt. I presumed that they ask about your DH's income to check whether its feasible that he would be covering all household costs??

Thanks to you, all the best with your little ones, and don't let it wind you up too much!

NeedsAsockamnesty · 25/03/2014 17:31

It's not sexist crap they are wanting evidence of how you are living.

Pumpkinpositive · 25/03/2014 17:31

send them a shitty nappy and some beast milk.

Sounds great. Where can I get some?

sparechange · 25/03/2014 17:31

Can you send them a photo diary of your week?
The last photo can be you giving them two fingers
Grin

WhispersOfWickedness · 25/03/2014 17:32

I had this too, four years ago. I just didn't reply to the demand and I've heard nothing since apart from the annual statement.

diddl · 25/03/2014 17:34

I was also thinking that Needs, but couldn't think how to phrase it.

For example she could be living with parents who were supporting her.

But why is it not good enough for OP to declare no earnings why must she also prove how she is being supported?

Original poster
Louisajane27 · 25/03/2014 17:35

Hi everyone, thank you so much for your replies. I feel much happier reading all your replies, that it is them being ridiculous and not me! Ds2 is doing ok thank you, he has some problems but is a little fighter. We have a meeting with all his consultants in the morning, so I am ignoring the letter for tonight and dh and I will write our letters tomorrow evening and shove them in the post by the end of the week. Thank you all again, you've made me smile Grin

OP posts:
Pumpkinpositive · 25/03/2014 17:35

It's not sexist crap they are wanting evidence of how you are living

And how in God's name does a letter from one's husband "prove" that?? He could a) just say what OP told him to, whether true or not or b) refuse to send letter if abusive/controlling.

EeeIcouldCrushAGrape · 25/03/2014 17:37

Yup. Just had to do the exaxt same thing myself the other day to prove I am a SAHM.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 25/03/2014 17:48

He could do but the expectation when dealing with any benefit or gov related service that if you write and sign a letter then the content should be true.

Most gov funded agencies ( apart from the csbloodya) you declare nil income will ask how you are living and want confirmation of that.

Should you make a false statement then that statement could be used to send you to the naughty step or some other such sanction.

If she said she lived with parents or a friend they would ask for the same letter.

Nomama · 25/03/2014 18:05

Ye Gods. They only want someone else to corroborate your status. You do have a legal obligation to provide them with a letter when you defer payment.

If it was your DH who was the SAHP they would ask you for a letter to confirm it.

Not everything is genderist crap.

Bonsoir · 25/03/2014 18:07

Why don't you and your husband write a joint letter explaining your joint circumstances?

Fantissue · 25/03/2014 18:12

I think what they're getting at, although badly worded, is a letter from the person currently supporting you. I had to move back in with my mum due to illness and she had to write a letter to say she was supporting me. It is simply not the case of the word of a man being any better than a woman's as some posters have suggested.

CaptainSinker · 25/03/2014 18:16

DP is a SAHD and in a similar position to you. i had to write him a 2-line letter to this effect. So not a sexism issue I guess. However agree that it is a bit nonsensical. I guess they just need to tick a box.

Sorry you have so much on your plate right now.

ILickPicnMix · 25/03/2014 18:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wibblypiglikesbananas · 25/03/2014 18:22

Oh God - don't get me started on what wnkers they are. I'm a SAHM too and we moved overseas temporarily for my husband's job two years ago. The fact I have a visa stamp in my passport saying I can't work here is still not enough proof for them that I don't have an income. I also have to send in a yearly letter from DH saying he is supporting me. We actually had fun with our creative writing last year, stating that yes, he was STILL responsible for me financially, and now two young children as well. What a bind we all were, hahaha. I did actually make a complaint to SLC re the tone of one of their letters - it basically implied that I was out to defraud them, when I have never been anything but scrupulously honest. The fact we are abroad is a red herring as I would have been a SAHM in the UK but they can't seem to understand that. I've also had letters to my parents' address saying that they can't trace me, but they've managed to send letters to me here in the US before so I'm sure they will be able to again. Anyway, congrats on your baby and my sympathies that you are having to deal with that shower of shte right now.

DieDeutschLehrerin · 25/03/2014 18:37

It does come across like a bizarre request. To be fair when I got mine, me & DH just laughed but we weren't under the stress you are. We weren't all that surprised as when DH paid his off a few years ago they asked for copies of all his pay slips (about 8 or 9 years' worth) because they had no record of how much he'd paid back. Numpties Grin

redexpat · 25/03/2014 19:20

Yes I dont earn above the threshhold so also have to print off the same letter for DH to sign every year that says that he is supporting me.

Micklark · 22/02/2017 03:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/02/2017 04:14

ZOMBIE ZOMBIE

Reported

LollyLarkin · 22/02/2017 04:42

Don't stress about it, I've had to do it a couple of times. It's simply a short statement from whoever is supporting you financially confirming that you have no income, it could even be from your mum if you were being supported by her! My friend had to write the same for her DH when he wasn't working so it's not just women who are subject to this scrutiny. I also typed and printed the letter and got my DH to sign, they never contacted him about it.

They also can not take loan repayments from the 'household' income. Just not true.

Make sure you do send it off though because if you don't give them the information they need and you're classified as still needing to repay then you can get charged for late payments.

Hope all is well with your littlies!

LollyLarkin · 22/02/2017 04:44

Sorry, old thread Blush

SpookyPotato · 22/02/2017 09:45

It's daft I know. I basically hand wrote a few sentence letter and got DP to sign, and sent off with bank statement and his wage slip. It got them off my back!