Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know I probably am...

65 replies

Slh122 · 22/03/2014 18:34

I have an 8 week old and MIL is obsessed with saying that he either looks like DP or DP's sister. It does my head in and I don't know why. She keeps texting DP this evening sending him photos of his sister when she was a baby saying 'DP look how much your DS looks like your sister'. Whenever we go round she brings it up and I say 'oh my mum thinks he's looking a bit more like me now' and she says 'oh no he's the spitting image of SIL'. Arghhhh. When we go round she gets baby photos out and is like 'Aww look the expression he's making is just like the one SIL used to make when she was a baby' when he really looks nothing like her. I constantly feel like her and SIL are trying to edge me out - first night we brought him home from hospital they descended on us and left me sidelined while they took photos with him.

It's really grating on me tonight! AIBU to feel pissed off? I don't really know why it annoys me so much, it just does!

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 22/03/2014 18:39

It's a shame it pisses you off.

I think she's just enjoying her newborn grandchild and it's bringing memories of her own kids, flooding back.

You might be the same when your baby is grown up and a parent himself.

Littlefish · 22/03/2014 18:40

Congratulations on your new baby. Of course you're not being unreasonable to feel a bit miffed - you are probably a bit sleep deprived etc. etc. etc. However, it really doesn't sound to me from your original message that your MIL is trying to sideline you or anything like that. I think you are being a bit over sensitive and are over reacting to something that really isn't very important.

PourquoiTuGachesTaVie · 22/03/2014 18:41

To me our dc look like my side of the family, but dh just sees his side.

Don't let it bother you. I'd be more concerned if MIL couldn't see dh in our dc!

rollonthesummer · 22/03/2014 18:41

I'd just laugh and say, 'oh, my family all day exactly the same-that she looks just like me! How funny-ha ha, all babies must look the same!'

Say it every time she says something!

Original poster
Slh122 · 22/03/2014 18:42

I thought I was being over sensitive which is why I posted on here to get some perspective

OP posts:
PourquoiTuGachesTaVie · 22/03/2014 18:42

Not that I have anything to be worried about of course! Just thought how that may look to others Grin

picnicbasketcase · 22/03/2014 18:42

I'd end up snapping 'yes, isn't it reassuring that you know for a fact he's Dh's and I haven't been doing the milkman?'
But I'm a right cow.

AryaOfHouseSnark · 22/03/2014 18:43

I don't think you're being that u, you are overreacting a bit, but I cans see why.

I can remember looking at my dc really wanting to see some of me in them and it irrationally pissed me off that I saw my sil ( who I love btw). Your mil is just really excited to have a new grandchild.

Original poster
Slh122 · 22/03/2014 18:43

Haha picnic Grin

OP posts:
WillYouDoTheFandango · 22/03/2014 18:44

My MiL did the opposite - ooh there's nothing of you in him DP. (To DS) Ooh you look just like your other granny, nothing of us in you. Continually for months.

I don't know if YABU but it'd piss me off too!

RandomMess · 22/03/2014 18:45

Babies are actually designed to look more like their fathers when they are born!!!

Yes she is being irritating but try and let it wash over you.

procrastinatingagain · 22/03/2014 18:46

It used to piss me off when people asked where baby ds got his hair colour from and exmil would always say "our X". I felt that she saw me as a mere vessel for growing the second coming of her son. Presumably I was BU, but it used to get right on my tits, TBH.

PandaFeet · 22/03/2014 18:46

Babies always look like their dads at the start. Something to do with evolution. It has no bearing on who he will look like when hes older. My DD2 looks like me now at 16 months.

Minniemarf · 22/03/2014 18:46

I had this & I must admit it grated on me too. These other comments have put it in perspective though.

TheGreatHunt · 22/03/2014 18:48

How can she possibly say anything other than he looks like your dh etc given that she didn't know what you looked like as a baby? She has the blood connection to your dh.

She isn't trying to steal your child. Unclench Wink

Sleepyfergus · 22/03/2014 18:50

Yeah, my MIL was the same. Got a bit annoying after a while, you'd think my side of the DNA hadn't got a look in.

Isn't it 'true' or proven to some extent that babies do look like their dads to ensure the father knows the baby is his?

Give it a few months and I guarantee your baby will change and look like you and your side of the family too.

diddl · 22/03/2014 18:50

Pissed me off too.

Made me feel as if they were trying to sideline me tbh.

Used to go on about the kids having brown eyes "just like Gran & Grandad".

Yup, & me & my husband & both my parents!!

littlemrssleepy · 22/03/2014 18:50

Yes, babies are more likely to look like their fathers and other people (particularly the family of the father) have a tendency to say the baby looks like the father / has the fathers genes. There is no doubt who the mother is afterall, so both are evolutionary tactics.

Footballandbeer · 22/03/2014 19:00

Hmmm this could be annoying. But perhaps It will help your mil bond with your baby if she sees a family likeness, that might mean in the future she will be happier to help out with looking after ds? I would grin and bear it with this in mind. It is hard work looking after babies and toddlers and really does make a difference if you have family help. She is being a bit insensitive but maybe try and celebrate the family likeness with her and just see it as her being an enthusiastic granny.

WorrySighWorrySigh · 22/03/2014 19:25

I do understand this. It grates every time something like this is said - and my DS is 15 years old now! It feels like my DS is being 'claimed' for one side of the family. I know that no harm is meant by it, it is just annoying!

Goldmandra · 22/03/2014 19:39

I have one DD who is God's gift to the human race and the spit of DH's father according to MIL and DD2 who apparently looks nothing like DH's side of the family and who isn't even addressed by name but as 'the other one' or 'madam'.

I thought it was irritating when she dismissed my family's input into DD1's genes but it's far worse having her virtually disown DD2.

OP, I think your MIL is being thoughtless at worst and you're hormonal and tired which is making it worse than it should be.

Do you need your DH to suggest that they back off a bit and let you have some more time just as family for a while?

Liara · 22/03/2014 19:42

It's a fairly normal part of the bonding process, actually.

And I've heard a theory that newborns really do look much more like their father when they are born. Makes sense from an evolutionary perspective, precisely for the reasons picnic states.

Liara · 22/03/2014 19:44

x post with loads of people!

Bootoyou2 · 22/03/2014 19:56

I get this all the time....so so annoying! Refuses to see any of me in DC but is the spitting image of every member of their distant family! GGGGRGH!

TrialsandTribbulati0ns · 22/03/2014 20:21

Hi Slh122

I know what you mean. I guess it's fine at first but DP's parents have done this for two and a half years!

DP's mum has even referred to herself as "mummy" to DS and I'm met with blank stares when I suggest DS does look like me too!

They're just obsessed with carrying on their genes which is normal but I can't see why it has to be constant and emphatic.

DP's sister got involved once snapping at me that "yes, he does look exactly like DP!" when I said "oh really" after the 554th time it was mentioned one weekend.

Hopefully it will stop but don't feel bad saying he looks like both of you. You are his mother, not an incubator for their genes!

Swipe left for the next trending thread