I know I probably am...

[Slh122]

I have an 8 week old and MIL is obsessed with saying that he either looks like DP or DP's sister. It does my head in and I don't know why. She keeps texting DP this evening sending him photos of his sister when she was a baby saying 'DP look how much your DS looks like your sister'. Whenever we go round she brings it up and I say 'oh my mum thinks he's looking a bit more like me now' and she says 'oh no he's the spitting image of SIL'. Arghhhh. When we go round she gets baby photos out and is like 'Aww look the expression he's making is just like the one SIL used to make when she was a baby' when he really looks nothing like her. I constantly feel like her and SIL are trying to edge me out - first night we brought him home from hospital they descended on us and left me sidelined while they took photos with him.
It's really grating on me tonight! AIBU to feel pissed off? I don't really know why it annoys me so much, it just does!

[Finola1step]

I'm sure it will calm down. She's just excited.

It is natural for your MIL to see her own dc in her newborn grandchild. All this the baby looking like her own dd is a normal reaction and is a sort of clumsy way of including your SIL in the bonding process. MIL is probably thinking that she's doing the right thing. But if it doesn't calm down, then it's up to your DH to have a quiet word.

[Judyandherdreamofhorses]

My MIL does this constantly, to the amusement of everyone in the family as it's so predictable. Every new thing they do or say, it's 'Ooh, just like or daddy'. Obviously, it's the same stuff that every baby since the human race began has done.

Everything wonderful about them is DH. Anything less than desirable is met with 'Oh, does your mum say you had slots of tantrums as a child?' Or 'Was your hair always such a mess?'.

As I said, we tend to laugh it off, but I was offended the day she said 'Well, there's no doubt (DH) is her dad now' as if there had somehow been some doubt!

However, I brushed baby DS's hair differently after this bath this evening, and found myself unexpectedly saying 'Oh DS, you look just like Uncle xx (DH's brother)'!

[sittingatmydeskagain]

My MIL used to do this too. She's even got a baby photo of ds1 in a double frame with my BIL.

I've never actually told anyone in RL how much it annoyed me, but now he's older, he looks just like me.

[Judyandherdreamofhorses]

for pp whose second daughter is ignored!

[MoreSkyThanWeNeed]

Haha if YABU then so am I! My MIL did this and it did my sleep deprived and hormone filled head in!
I actually have a photo of me as a baby and a photo of DS where we are in the same pose, same expression but MIL insisted that he looked just like her as a baby. When she started carrying around photos of her as a baby to prove to strangers people, I had to laugh and let her get on with it.

[HungryHorace]

My SiL used to do this too...she barely said anything else for a good few months. If she didn't live abroad I think I'd have strangled her!

And yes, she did look like DH, but she also had features from my side too. It really wound be up, so I sympathise, OP.

[findingherfeet]

YANBU...my mum does this, my daughter is the spit of me, strangers blimmin well stop me in the street to tell me so...but oh no she goes on and on about her looking nothing like me (I have no idea why this annoys me so much but it does!)

[EverythingsDozy]

I don't think YABU. But I say this from my experience, my ILs drive me potty (stbx ILs hopefully!).

I never knew that babies were meant to look like fathers to determine paternity. It's funny because my DSis DS is the image of our dad. He's a carbon copy, it's amazing!! I don't know who my two look like, maybe they aren't mine and Hs at all!

[TrialsandTribbulati0ns]

Ok, Just wanted to add:

I think she's just enjoying her newborn grandchild and it's bringing memories of her own kids, flooding back.

These statements are bull shit. I don't care how much you love your GC you absolutely cannot trample over a new mother feelings. Your time will come. Your GC will love you and you will have so many adventures and great times together.

But not now.

This is mum and dad's time with their baby. It only happens once.

Ignore the PILs OP. You might have other kids but this one's early days only happen once. Enjoy. xxx

[littledrummergirl]

Picnic, I said that!
If I was being really mean, I might be tempted by "not sure how that happened given..."
But goodness knows how you get back on good terms after that.

[nirishma]

I have the opposite problem. I think dd is the spit of my mil but she can't see it herself and tells me dd looks like me. She looks lile her daddy and even more like her granny and nothing like me! I think in those early days it's easy to get upset about comments made about your precious newborn. Try to relax if you can

[GreenLandsOfHome]

Ds1 is the spitting image of dh's older brother. They are both very dark, dh is very fair. I am also very dark, but oh no, the colouring can't be from me

MIL loves this fact. She also loves the fact that after he left his wife, dbil lived with dh and I for about 6 months whilst he sorted himself out. During which time, dh and I found out we were expecting ds1. So obviously the paternity of ds1 is to be a family joke for fucking ever.

She makes frequent inappropriate 'jokes' about this. Past examples being 'Oh dear! Are you sure he is dh's? Ha Ha..'
'Oh he does so look like (dbil) doesn't he? Oh, well I don't suppose it matters, after all, i'm his grandmother either way! Ha ha'
'Dh, you sure you didn't notice any goings on when (dbil) was staying with you? Ha ha'

She's a crude old witch, and it's making me slowly hate her.

[noidontwant2hearaboutyourdream]

YANBU my BIL does this and it's annoying and weird. He thinks DD2 looks like him. My babies look like their dad when born but DD1 now three looks like me. I find it strange that my BIL wants to find hid likeness in his brothers children!

[99redbafoons]

I know how you feel, MIL did this all the time too. It is annoying but to be fair DS is the spit of DH. I think MIL has an unfortunate habit of having to be able to rationalise everything to be able to make sense of it. She also says DS looks like SIL, I just say now: "well he looks like his Dad, think that's where you're getting that from!"

Also DH had a bit of a temper when he was a baby/toddler which everyone always comments on that DS hasn't inherited so I am quick to comment "no, lovely and serene like his Mummy!"

Just let it roll.

[NobodyLivesHere]

It would get on my tits hearing it constantly. Especially when I'm tired and sleep deprived.

[satintaupe]

From just reading your post I would probably think you were being unreasonable.

However, I have been having the same experience and know how you feel. Every time my mil sees DD (whether in person or by Skype) she comments on how she looks just like my husband. Ok, DD does look like him, but she doesn't have his eyes; they are the same colour as mine but mil says that they look like fils! And she'll go on about how DD's hair is just like my husband's was - but mine was exactly the same too (my husband has told her this but she still keeps saying it). Why comment every time? Arghhh!

[Fraggle3112]

YANBU DS is the image of DH apart from
he his eyes are like mine - his left one is even a tiny bit bigger than his right like me. But Will MIL acknowledge it? No. She can only see DH. DS is really fair and DH and myself are both dark haired so he obviously gets his coloring from BIL even tho DB is really fair too!

I'm sure they mean no harm and it gets less annoying after a while but it is insensitive and it's one of those things that really grates when you're already tired and emotional. I would just try to ignore though, use it as an excuse to catch up on sleep when they visit as 'you know they won'tt mind'

[bedraggledmumoftwo]

I guess it is to be expected- babies don't really look like grownups, they look like those adults did as a baby, and your mil didn't see you as a baby, only her own children.

my mil does the same. Both dh and i were blonde children, but now have dark hair. I seem to give birth to babies with a full head of dark hair that then gets lighter, until my toddler now has a mass of white blonde locks.
when dd2 was born mil forgot all of this and went on about dd2 having dark hair. When i said it was already lightening and i expected she would go blonde like her sister, she said she hoped not for my sake as it would be nice for one of them to take after me! i had to remind her that i had blonde hair as a child too, as it appears she only thinks they look like dh as she obviously never saw me as a child thank goodness

when dd1 was small she kept bringing over dh's baby photos. Now she is carrying around little photos of herself saying that my little blonde bombshell looks like her as a baby let's hope not for her sake) actually the only likeness i can see is that all toddlers have heads proportionally too big for their bodies.

[StUmbrageinSkelt]

My MIL insists our son is the spitting image of my DH's stepfather. It's hard to keep a straight face.

[Delphiniumsblue]

It is one of those times to just say nothing, smile, nod and ignore.

[HappyAgainOneDay]

Oh dear! I'm one of those MiLs. My DS and DDiL have DS2 (8) who was and still is the image of my DS when he was small. Not just to look at but his impish personality as well. Their DS1 (12) looks like my DiL's family and I say so. But for their DS2, I have photos of my DS when he was a toddler ..........

[Slh122]

Glad it's not just me who has to endure this from my MIL. it's not her banging on constantly about how he looks so much like DP that bothers me, it's having to listen to her talk about how he looks like SIL. Lots of back story though - basically sometimes I think they actually forget that DS is my baby and not DP's sisters. How weird!
Stumbrage I have a colleague like that. She split up with the father during her pregnancy and got together with someone else. After baby was born she kept saying how much her DD looked like her DP. No idea how, as he's not her biological father...

[TerrorAustralis]

I hear you OP. My MIL insisted that DS looked like everyone in FIL's family. Particularly DH's uncle (FIL's brother) as a baby. Of course she didn't know him as a baby, but there is apparently a photo somewhere that is evidence of this.

Funnily enough NOBODY ELSE IN THE WORLD commented that he looked just like DH or his family. A couple of people said he was a cross between DH and I, but mostly they said he looked just like me or my brother.

It was kind of annoying. In a way it's like their way of claiming ownership of the baby. 'Look everyone, he looks like us! He must be ours.' IYSWIM

Finally after almost three years she said, 'I think he's starting to look like you now'.

[Joysmum]

Let her make the most of it. My baby looked so much like me. Now she's becoming a young lady she looks more like my SIL than me. They chance.

[99redbafoons]

Yes! Totally agree with Terror!

It is like saying "he looks like us, he's ours!"