AIBU to think that in general cancer fundrasing campaigns are getting quite tasteless / disrespectful?

[KitKat1985]

Hello all.

Not sure if I'm just being grumpy here (pregnancy hormones) but in general are other people finding that a lot of 'cancer fundraising campaigns' are getting quite tasteless, or even disrespectful? Twenty years ago most fundraising seemed to come from marathon runners, or from bake sales, or charity shops, or even street collections. They may not have made millions, but at least they were dignified and inoffensive.

I'm not going to go into the [infamous] 'no make-up selfie' debate, suffice to say that in my opinion I found the whole thing shallow and the concept of 'braving' your make-up less face as in some way uniting yourself with the bravery of cancer victims quite offensive. The latest craze now seems to be for men to post a picture of themselves with their 'cock in your sock' as a way of fundraising for testicular cancer. I do understand that these campaigns make a lot of money and draw a lot of attention, but AIBU in finding them a bit tasteless, or even offensive? Over the past 5 years I've had to watch my Dad slowly battle cancer, and we know his situation long-term will be terminal. I've had to deal with watching him screaming in pain, go through months of chemo, and God-knows how many anxious nights whilst he's in hospital. My Mum is facing spending her retirement alone, and as a couple my Dad not being able to work for 5 years has essentially ruined them financially. Is it really that wrong that I'd just like to see some cancer fundraising campaign that deals with the issue of cancer with a bit of sensitivity, respect and dignity? Or should I just accept that this is the best way for charities to make the most money now and 'anything goes'?

As I keep saying, people can have all the reactions they want to a horrible disease. They can deal with it however it helps them.

But when my Facebook feed is polluted with fucking stupid photographs (initially with NO mention at all of cancer or donations - if it wasn't for Zombie explaining I wouldn't have had a clue) and it makes me very angry, you will not get a respectful silence from me about it and nor do you have any legitimate expectation that I will reign in my own feelings about it.

Zombie speaks a lot of sense.

My mum died from cancer when I was 20. I absolutely hate the campaigns and bloody adverts that go on about fighting and 'cancer, we're coming to get you'. I turn off my radio every time. Yes, it's my issue to deal with but to me every single time there is that judgement that if you don't survive cancer, you just didn't try hard enough.

At first I did think that the whole selfie thing was a bit lame, but I have seen proof of so many donations that it cannot be argued that it hasn't raised money. I have posted mine and made my donation.
By the discussions that have followed, it also cannot be argued that it hasn't raised awareness. People talk about it now in a way that they never could in years gone by.
I can't object to or be offended by fund raising activities.

I've just been nominated and politely declined.
I can't equate people posting pictures of themselves with cancer. When I stood over my dying sister last year she looked nothing like herself and her courage and dignity don't sit on the same continuem as average facebookers with no slap on.
And I don't need to be prompted to donate to charities to do with cancer.

It's like a lot of things isn't it. There are people engaging with what they see as an interesting and innovative way to fund raise. There are others who are adopting a thing of the moment now neck nominate is old hat.

I have been very fortunate that I haven't had many members of my family affected by cancer and I don't really have problem with the vast majority of campaigns.

The only things I really don't like are, as you said op, the stuff that's really distasteful like the cock in the sock thing, and I really hate images of kids wearing t shirts with things like 'fuck off cancer' or 'fuck you cancer' on them. I am really sympathetic to those who have suffered as a result of cancer but please don't put your child in a t shirt with swear words plastered all over it, it just looks horrible!

Sorry for the slow reply, have been at work.

In response to DionetheDiabolist:

"I see no reason why I should have to cowtow to those who are pissed off at what charity I support and are offended about how I support it.

But please, by all means tell me how you would prefer me and my family to deal with it and we will do our utmost not to twat you before we tell you to fuck off".

Not sure why you have felt the need to be so hostile. A lot of people posting here have had family members who have died, including myself. None of us are 'winning' here. Although in some ways you have sort of proved my point. People who are grieving can have very strong reactions to these campaigns. In your case you strongly support it. In my case and for some other people (I am no means saying everyone, or even a majority), I find it tasteless and disrespectful. Both opinions are valid. The difference is that for those of us who find it disrespectful it can be difficult to have these campaigns pushed in our face the whole time, and it can be hard to escape from.

I guess I'm wondering if any cancer fundraising campaign can really be totally acceptable if it ends up offending some of the people and relatives of those they are supposedly fundraising for. Surely if it was a 'good' fundraising campaign it wouldn't be offending anyone?

I am a bit about the idea that raising money vindicates any campaign. Of course it doesn't.
One can still have moral/ethical/sensitivity objections to a fund raising method even if raises money. Or are people really suggesting that, for example, a campaign to post unwittingly taken photos of your partners breasts would be ok?

Spero in response to your point But when my Facebook feed is polluted with fucking stupid photographs (initially with NO mention at all of cancer or donations)..

I agree with you, but I am a little surprised you contine using Facebook, it is a hotbed of shite crap selfie me-me-me attention seekers. Its sole purpose is to provide a forum for all that bollox. When DP was diagnosed, the minute we got home, I removed myself from all forms of social media FB Twitter the whole deal. I did not have the emotional resilience to deal with that pollution, which It IS I have never gone back because it winds me up so much. All that cock in a sock naff garbage, OK so it may "raise awareness" but not at the cost of my sanity!

I do get your point I see what your comments mean, I can only begin to try and imagine how it must be like for you. Maybe the social media stuff in needlessly sapping emotional energy when you must need your strength and focus? I know, you have no alternative. I recognise you didnt ask for it, to become ill that is.

I do hate it at work when the people turn a charity day into a big Jolly. FFS, how nice they can enjoy the day out, with bright T shirts on , 'avin a larf. I dont get involved because I dont need the entertainment. Not like that.

I guess CR-UK must have some bright young marketing Grads thinking up all these Pink Thingies. It doesnt appeal to everyone.

Wasn't there a CRUK ad a few years ago with a picture of a smiling woman saying something like 'Lucy wasn't going to let cancer beat her'. That really, really pissed me off at a time I was going through treatment for cancer.

They just pitch the advertising so wrong and I don't want my money to pay for that so I donate elsewhere. It's a shame really. Maybe they should actually speak to people with cancer? Though I guess we aren't the target audience..

I am not going to give up Facebook, I use it to keep in touch with friends all over the world and do Buzzfeed quizzes, which on dark days are the lights that see me through...

I though I had purged my feed of the narcissists - there are only about 20 people I allow to crop up on my wall. Maybe another purge is due...

Zombie should have popped up in your FB inbox, Spero.

I don't think for one minute there is an implication that using the words fight and battle etc give rise to people thinking someone hasn't been strong enough or didn't try hard enough to survive. Seriously do you think people imply weakness when they say someone lost their fight against cancer?

Everyone knows its not a 'choice' to survive or not. I honestly cannot imagine anyone meaning any offence by saying talking in those terms. Plus like it or not, people shy away from using the words dead, died, dying, death. I think they are softening the delivery of the message rather than the message itself.

It's such an emotive topic that it'll be impossible to come up with terminology, fundraising canpaigns etc that won't offend someone.

How people face it, deal with it or donate to it is about the only choices everyone has with the whole thing. It's too personal to have a set of rules around how to handle it. Everyone sympathises and everyone fears it, why can't it be left at that.

We all agree it is utter shit. Seems madness to me to debate all this.

It's personal. We all deal with every aspect of illness differently ; even the raising of funds and awareness .
It is in my opinion like a mass movement akin to the Diana syndrome . You can't knock it though when so many people seem to gain so much support from it - some of the threads about this issue have been very moving .

My darling giggle buddy Fiona , died leaving behind 3 kids under 9 . She hated fund raising and charity collections - I wish she would pop back to fight her corner on that . She was a journalist with great literary powers . Oh for her skill...

OP, you asked "why the hostility?"

It isn't hostility, it's anger. Anger that you think that you think that all fundraising efforts should have to meet your approval! Marathons, bake sales, 10km runs, sponsored walks are all still legitimate ways of raising money and if that's your preferred method, then go for it and I wish you the best in your endeavors.

But others will chose different methods: karaoke nights, fashion shows, auctions, dance shows, head shaves, selfies, parachute jumps, strip shows, golf tournaments, bingo nights, fancy dress nights, pub quizzes etc. People of all classes, colours, creeds, sexual orientations are effected by cancer. They celebrate, commemorate and fundraise in ways which they find appropriate. They do not need your approval.

And it isn't hard to escape from. Be more particular about your FB friend's or stay off it altogether. Then this sort of thing will barely register in your consciousness at all.

OP I am angry that you think that you finding something distasteful is more important than the £2million+ raised for CRUK.

Why isn't OP entitled to feel anger just as you are, Dione? Some people use FB, some don't, I'm barely on it because I don't like it much so this hasn't registered with me but for those who use it - and don't like this type of thing, this 'campaign' has pretty much been very much an in-your-face blight.

I'm cynical and think that very many 'selfies' were posted - initially anyway - without donation, without people knowing or caring about anything other than bandwagon jumping. Many more people donate quietly. Everybody has their own views on this but if you self-promote, expect that some will call you on it in a way that they will never call on people who don't.

I've got breast cancer ... And secondaries.
DS has leukaemia (CML).
We don't battle but take our meds and try to get on with life.
I'm not bothered how money is raised or for what cancer (or other illness). I would like more money going into research and more people donating blood and blood products, putting their names down on Anthony Nolan list etc.
If I had to choose a research charity for cancer I would go for Leukaemia and Lymphoma Research

I agree lyingwitch, Fb campaigns can sometimes attract people who are (thank goodness for them) removed from the harsh realities of cancer, maybe the association with pink tutus and decorated bra's mask the darker side, and the selfie photos are about them not about raising funds. As the argument goes, surely everyone now recognises the need for research funding and the campaigns don't have to get more and more outrageous. I read about the latest one where women are encouraged to update their Fb profile announcing they are pregnant, when they aren't. If a friend played that stunt on me, it wouldn't encourage me to donate by being manipulated.

allthebees I appreciated reading your balanced post, because I felt upset with myself that I had annoyed, even insulted Spero and I now know it is a very emotive subject that touches some raw nerves when one person's descriptive word can be misconstrued. Perhaps you are right, debate on these issues is futile, it tears at all our hearts, seeing people we love and even those we dont personally know, have their lives torn apart and not having the words to describe that.

Lying the OP can feel as angry as she wants about whatever she wants. For me it comes down to the fact that I am angrier that cancer has robbed me of people I love. I get even more that Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells thinks that their annoyance at fundraising is more important than actually funding the research needed in order to prevent the same happening to yet another generation of my family.

I can't equate people posting pictures of themselves with cancer

I have never seen any indications that people are equating posting pictures of themselves with no make up, with having cancer.
There is nothing to equate between people running marathons, doing a car boot sale or sitting in a bath of baked beans, and having cancer. There doesn't have to be. It's about people doing what they are willing and able to do, in order to raise much needed funds, to help people with cancer.

This is one of those campaigns that is so easy for so many people to take part in, that it has raised a huge amount of money in a very short space of time, with absolutely no outlay. I don't understand how anyone can object to it. I donated money when I wouldn't have done otherwise, would you rather I hadn't?

Dione... I get that. Any of us who has lost someone we love to this horrible disease gets that. 'Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells' may also have lost people he/she loves to cancer. The fact that they don't like this method of fundraising isn't any more relevant than the fact that some people do like this method.

It doesn't mean that people who dislike this method don't like - and donate - via other methods and perhaps we need to remember that. It's not the fundraising that is disliked, it's the method. People are venting at the showoff-ishness of some, that's all. People who want to donate will do so - with or without being given a platform to do a 'selfie'.

One day there will be a cure for cancer(s), I believe that, I have to.

Now that I am and not so I want to apologise to you OP

My posts may read as me attacking you personally. My anger is at all the people moaning about this. I get that it is not to everyone's taste. It's not to my taste, I'm more of a 10k (not a marathon though) and cake eating fundraiser myself. But I accept that other people like and do other things. As I said above, the most important thing to me that the money is raised and the research done.

I'm not 'disgusted of Tunbridge wells'
My sister died less than a year ago. My dad died. One of my best friends has been diagnosed with a very aggresive and advanced cancer weeks ago.
I'm allowed to post that I find a fund raising method a bit tasteless and self absorbed.
I've donated substantial amounts of money personally. Stop shutting people up with 'well it's raising money'
People dealing with cancer are allowed an opinion and not to be silenced with 'it's money - be grateful'

The debate is valid, whatever side you take. I respect those who feel differently but I am irritated by being told to shut up/ be grateful.

X-posted with several posts.