AIBU to think that in general cancer fundrasing campaigns are getting quite tasteless / disrespectful?

[KitKat1985]

Hello all.

Not sure if I'm just being grumpy here (pregnancy hormones) but in general are other people finding that a lot of 'cancer fundraising campaigns' are getting quite tasteless, or even disrespectful? Twenty years ago most fundraising seemed to come from marathon runners, or from bake sales, or charity shops, or even street collections. They may not have made millions, but at least they were dignified and inoffensive.

I'm not going to go into the [infamous] 'no make-up selfie' debate, suffice to say that in my opinion I found the whole thing shallow and the concept of 'braving' your make-up less face as in some way uniting yourself with the bravery of cancer victims quite offensive. The latest craze now seems to be for men to post a picture of themselves with their 'cock in your sock' as a way of fundraising for testicular cancer. I do understand that these campaigns make a lot of money and draw a lot of attention, but AIBU in finding them a bit tasteless, or even offensive? Over the past 5 years I've had to watch my Dad slowly battle cancer, and we know his situation long-term will be terminal. I've had to deal with watching him screaming in pain, go through months of chemo, and God-knows how many anxious nights whilst he's in hospital. My Mum is facing spending her retirement alone, and as a couple my Dad not being able to work for 5 years has essentially ruined them financially. Is it really that wrong that I'd just like to see some cancer fundraising campaign that deals with the issue of cancer with a bit of sensitivity, respect and dignity? Or should I just accept that this is the best way for charities to make the most money now and 'anything goes'?

Spero
Cheers daisy. So if/when I die, you will tell my daughter that her mummy didn't fight hard enough?

What a spiteful thing to say! So untrue. Just because Im saying I understand the word battle in the context of cancer does not mean I am making a value judgement if someone doesnt survive! Please, stop twisting my words around.

I don't like the campaigns but I just ignore them and fortunately I am not on the dreaded Facebook.

My mum recently died of cancer and I have made my donations to a couple of charities in my own way.

I suspect a lot of the new stuff such as the sock and selfie campaign is to try and attract a younger audience into giving for charity so even though I don't agree with it personally I am happy that someone will benefit from the cash raised.

My father died from cancer, as did my MIL and grandfather.

I normally avoid fb chain letter things but when my friend posted a bald post chemo selfie without her beautiful scarves and painted on eyebrows, and nominated me, do you know what?

I did the selfie, donated, and dont give a flying fuck that you find it disrespectful.

I also dislike the campaigns, but am starting to think I am getting old and grumpy and just don't get it. I had cancer in my 20s and ever since have done lots of events and challenges to try to raise money. I also give to charities which mean a lot to my friends, or if I read something about a charity that I think deserves my money. I don't understand the motivations behind selfies and cocks in socks. I tend to give to charity because I really care about a cause and don't feel the need to crow about it on Facebook. But, yes, I'm probably old and cantankerous (although I'm only 37 but that's how I feel after this week).

Thanks for all those who have educated me about areas of oncology in urgent need of support. I am going to look at these in more depth and pick one of these for one of my next fundraising efforts.

I'm sick if it all. No surprise that charities plan this stuff in line with Mothers Day. Cancer killed my mum and I'm still far too bitter about it to have anything positive to say or feel about these irritating Facebook self indulgent look at me crazes. Breast cancer awareness has been an incredibly successful campaign but if my awareness of breast cancer gets anymore heightened I might fucking well explode.

I also think that people are having different experiences on their Facebook feeds. I've had a lot of people posting selfies with no mention of charities, ways to be aware or anything really. nameless I DO understand the motivation behind pictures like your friend posted.

These campaigns (along with charity shops, bake sales etc) are more about raising awareness than making big money. Major cancer charities such as Cancer Research UK get most of their money through legacies and large philanthropic donations.

In addition, many people are too busy, or simply not inclined, to bake and sell cakes or train for a sponsored marathon. They may, however, be able to generate a similar amount of money by encouraging their friends to post a selfie on Facebook and donate £3. I agree with AnotherFurry that it is all about trying to attract a younger/alternative audience.

I don't take issue with people calling cancer a 'battle', wanting to 'fight it'. Quite honestly, people can call it what they want and the more people that recover from it, the better.

I agree with expat that we could do with more transparency as far as the 'umbrella' charities are concerned because if people are donating to them, expecting and anticipating that the money will filter downwards, then that's misleading in the extreme. I've donated to 'bigger' charities for this very reason and it's not unreasonable to suppose that others have done for the same reason.

It needs to be much fairer; it puts me in mind of the 'green plastic coin' thing in Waitrose. I always put mine in whichever has the fewer number - ALWAYS. I do it in the hope that the end result will be so close that Waitrose will dole out to all three of them.

I did the selfie and donated.

I hate photos of myself, I hate wearing no make up. In no way AT ALL do I feel my discomfort in posting this picture comes anywhere near close to the often horrific journey a cancer patient has to bare. And I find it offensive that there are people that think I'm trying to be a hero or some vain self-absorbed poser when I just thought I'd do something tiny on a Wednesday morning as I got ready for work.

The idea engaged me. It was something tiny that I could do very quickly. Some people are engaged by the thought of running for hours on end, jumping off buildings etc. and do you know what - I suspect a large chunk of those people see the fundraising as the bit on the side to the glory, attention or sense of achievement of running that far, jumping from that high etc.

I don't currently have the resources to commit to a marathon. I did have the time to post a selfie.

Personally I think it was a good, current and relevant way to quickly engage and encourage people to donate, as well as sending out a blast of awareness.

Cancer is a fucking bastard. Most people don't understand the different types, and I hope they never need to. Frustrating though that is when it comes to fundraising, I truly hope that the selfie campaign inspires other charities to come up with similar easily accessible campaigns to encourage awareness vis-à-vis more fundraising.

Does it really matter?

If you talk about cancer as a 'battle' and a 'fight' you ARE making a value judgment I am afraid.

Because what are you saying about the people who 'lose' this 'fight' ?

Sorry you find it spiteful. Maybe if you read what Lisa Bonchek Adams or others like her, has to say on her blog, you might understand a little better.

The 'selfie' campaign has now raised £2 million, so like it or not, it does appear to be effective.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-26683817

I didn't like the selfie thing at first, but it's raised so much it's hard to criticise now. I do notice that of my friends on Facebook, the ones who I know have been repeatedly or closely effected by cancer haven't posted. Neither have I, I have my direct debit to CRUK and that's enough for me.

On the whole CRUK thing... It's tricky. If they have £1m to use for research, say (which isn't very much), I'd probably rather that money went where it could save the most lives. But then I'd also like to think the money went to research in proportion with the number of people effected.

In practice however, it's not that simple. My husband works in cancer research and is currently funded by CRUK. Yes, politics come into it. But also - when people submit applications for research funding, they have to show a decent publication record, relevant skills etc. So of course, most grants tend to build on ongoing research. That naturally leads to a snowball effect where some projects receive proportionately more funding. But the people who make these decisions have to get the best value for the money donated.

Also, not all research is related to a specific cancer. DH's research is on radiotherapy (which is horribly underfunded), it relates to cells in general rather than any specific organ or mutation.

My cousin died 5 years ago this week from a very very rare cancer. She was my best friend and I still struggle to understand a world without her in it. But, I don't donate to the charity related to her cancer as I think we should work to cure the more common types first.

However, after all that sticking up for CRUK,I will say I'm thinking of moving my direct debit as I don't like a lot of their advertising. It will go to another umbrella charity though, as they simply have more information and knowledge than I do to decide where the money should go.

Spero... I have a friend who calls his cancer 'nothing but a common cold'. Some would say that is belittling the disease, making light of people dying from a 'common cold'. I say that it is HIS disease and HE can call it what he likes.

It is a fight whether you accept it as such or not. From the minute the cancer appears, the body is trying to rid itself of it. Sometimes there's medical intervention, sometimes not, sometimes it kills the person. That's it really, isn't it?

We don't have the right to apply our own strictures to other people and personally, I wouldn't want to. I don't need to read other people's blogs to accept that people will have their own opinions and nobody has the right to stifle those.

What I don't understand about these campaigns is the "raising awareness" element. Everyone is aware of cancer. Many people aren't aware, however, of how likely they are to get it, or when, or what the symptoms are. So it seems to me that if you genuinely wanted to raise awareness, there are two things you could usefully do.

One is to inform people how to reduce their risk (stop smoking, eat plenty of fresh fruit and veg, take exercise, don't get overweight covers most of it).

The other is to inform people what the symptoms of various cancers are and how to check for them. That's trickier, of course, because people might become overanxious about cancers they're very unlikely to get. So worth combining it with an information campaign about what the most common cancers are.

I can sympathise with this. As my dear mother used to say the e-revolution has opened up the field to the 'lowest common denominator' or more charitably the thoughtless, insensitive and vulgar...
It is here to stay so the only option is to avert one's gaze and leave them to it (as long as it is essentially harmless).

Lyingwitch - the problem with your friend 'battling' 'his' disease in the way he likes, is that it gives people the right to feel they can come up to me and say things like 'jolly good! you are cured now! how super you got breast cancer and not one of those horrid ones we don't talk about'.

And I have to explain AGAIN that the survival rates after five years are 80% - so one in five chance I will be dead. And have a look at the survival rates for ten or fifteen years.

Cancer is not 'curable'. Best you can say is 'no evidence of disease'.

I really hope Jennifer Saunders lives a long and happy life. but for her and her husband to say it was just like 'having a cold' when hers was serious enough to have chemo is just bloody ridiculous and I am entitled to find it so and to say so.

I had chemo and radiotherapy. All my hair fell out, I am now menopausal, I am on tamoxifen for five years which makes me put on and keep on weight. I have probably damaged my heart through radiotherapy. I have a 20% chance of being dead in five years when my daughter will be just 14.

So it is not like having a fucking cold.

Spero... I can't imagine the circumstances where any of those comments would be acceptable, of course they're not but - what do you do? People are clumsy; they mean well (presumably) and say stupid things. You can explain how you feel or you can stock up on industrial earplugs and studiously ignore them and just 'don't see people' for fear of them offending you.

You are justifiably angry but so is every person I know who is suffering from cancer and each of them has the right to treat it as they see fit whether that fits in with what somebody else thinks or not.

I didn't like your post to daisy; I too thought it was pretty 'spiteful' and unnecessary lashing out. I hope your treatment is successful, Spero, the same as I hope it is for everybody else. Realistically, I know this will not always be the case and that is terribly sad. It still doesn't mean that sufferers have the right to dictate to others which particular terms are acceptable and which aren't. You just can't police that, but you can - if it bothers you - talk to your daughter now and tell her your thoughts and how you feel about it so that should the worst outcome happen, she will pay no mind to random people's views. That's what I would do anyway.

I didn't post a selfie. I donated £3 and posted a photo of how to check your breasts for lumps. Seems a lot more helpful than a no make up selfie to me.

I am not dictating to anyone how they feel or how they deal with it.

But if they are asking for respect or applause, they won't get it from me.

I also hate the terms like battling and fighting. Its down to sheer luck if you survive cancer nothing else. My friends 10 yr old died 2 weeks ago of cancer. Its a horrible heartbreaking time and i dont condemn anyone for raising awareness but phrases like " lost his fight" make me so angry

Spero

My OP was commenting on my experience of seeing the man I love undergo an 8 hour operation to remove a tumour from his face that had metastased in only a matter of weeks. I experienced seeing him preparing himself mentally prior to the op and also I had counselling because prior to my DP I was a widow so I was facing a loss of the man who was my additional chance for happiness. We went thu it together, he said in his word I supported him thru that battle. He has every right to use that word

I do not apologise for rationalising the whole experience we went thru together. It was a battle. Had he not pulled thru, I would have been devastated but would have equated it to a failing, just that cancer took him away from me. That is my story. Please dont minimise it with crass pre-judgement about people because you dont have a clue.

My reactions are based on my own diagnosis with cancer and watching my mother die this year, suffering and afraid, three months from diagnosis to death.

So I will have the reactions and the grief I want thanks, without being drawn into misery top trumps or competing as to which of us has had it harder, suffered more or been more afraid.

but would not have equated it to a failing,

Um I think you got involved in that level of discussion. I dare not comment on your circumstances for fear of offending you further. Had you been a friend in RL you would know where Im coming from on all this.

Probably a serious limitation of MN is only having a few meagre and inadequate words with which to get my point across on such an emotional subject.

I do wish you well and no hard feelings at all.

Zombie has documented her journey with cancer fairly extensively on here and on Facebook. Full information about her most recent steps on that journey are on this thread:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2016081-Zombie-needs-her-limbs-holding?msgid=45908082

She posted her reasons for not supporting the selfies on this thread:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2029718-To-wonder-how-the-no-make-up-selfie-raises-awareness?msgid=45875100

She completely agrees with Spero about the bravery / battling / fighting comments. It's not brave when you have no other option. Any battling / fighting is taking place at a cellular level. The doctors and nurses are the ones doing the active fighting.

Zombie is also not overly keen on all the pinkness. Breast cancer is anything but pink and fluffy.